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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make my mum sleep on a hard floor with 2 dogs in a cold house in the last week of December?

97 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 13:44

I feel really guilty and bad about this - need to know if IABU :(

My mum and her partner are coming to stay with us for a week in the last week of Dec, when I will be 35/6 weeks pg. They would normally of course sleep in our spare bedroom, which is the room where the baby's stuff is stored and where he and I will be sleeping when we come home from hospital. The last owners of our house left it filthy and we have scrubbed it down ourselves and are also planning on having the room (carpets, curtains) professionally steam cleaned before they come and before baby is born.

My mum is bringing her dog. Great. I love her dog, have known her for 12 years, and she is very well trained and never jumps on furniture or beds. Quite happy to sleep by herself. My mum's partner is also bringing her dog. Also fine. BUT. PartnersDog apparently has to sleep not only in the same room as MumsPartner, but on the same bed.

I am uncomfortable with this because generally, I don't really want a dog sleeping our spare bed, on our bedding. I love dogs, but you know, they roll in stuff that you wouldn't want on your bedding. My mum says they can put old blankets around the dog to prevent it touching the bedding but still.....

Also, dog hair gets everywhere and I don't really want it in the carpets/ curtains and on the baby's stuff just a couple of weeks before bringing the baby home to sleep there. I don't feel I'll have the energy to do another deep clean then, esp as I will also be working full time in a demanding job still.

My mum is sympathetic but partner is apparently offended as her dog is clean and this is the way she always does this. Mum's solution is for her and partner to bring a camping mattress and to sleep downstairs, on our hard wood floor, with the dogs, in a draughty 1930s house. Mum has a bad back and partner has a dodgy shoulder (both in their mid 60s).

I feel like a total heel and unhospitable even contemplating that :( So should I just give in and let PartnersDog sleep in the bed, or AIBU to say our house rule is no dogs upstairs?

OP posts:
Worriedkat · 17/10/2014 14:19

I would be worried that they'll grudgingly go with the mattress downstairs idea, then after one night moan and try to get you to change your mind. Some people who haven't had a human baby don't get it because they think their pet has equal kudos, not all, but some do think that.

Stick to your guns. Your house, your decision. Your mother is a grown woman, so is her partner. You've laid out the rules, it is entirely up to them to accept or decline.

Be prepared, if they start moaning have a list of local accommodation at the ready. Which of course they can't use because of the dogs, which kind of proves your point.

pickwickcrocus · 17/10/2014 14:23

YADNBU. I would absolutely not let any dogs upstairs in my house, let alone on the beds.

Don't let it happen! It's creating extra stress for you at a time when you need to be relaxing and resting as much as you can, not deep cleaning the house again.

Mary and 5foot have made excellent suggestions, I can't think of any alternatives. Baby (mum) trumps dog every time!!

girlywhirly · 17/10/2014 14:26

On the basis that you are saving them money by having them to stay instead of their going to a hotel, they should be the ones bringing their own bedding and the camping bed. Or upgrading to a better camping bed with their own money if that would make a significant difference to their comfort.

Sunna · 17/10/2014 14:27

YANBU.

I won't let dogs over my threshold.

WooWooOwl · 17/10/2014 14:33

Let your mum and her partner do whatever they have to do.

Your mum will make her own choice on whether to sleep up or downstairs, just as her partner has made the choice to let her dog sleep on whatever bed she does. This can't be the first time she's come across a problem like this, and it's just the consequence of training your dog that they have to sleep on the same bed as you.

motherinferior · 17/10/2014 14:57

You're about to have a baby. You may have the baby when they're staying (I don't have a health condition, but had DD2 at 36+4). They are bonkers.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 15:03

otherusername tbh we don't really want the dog in our room /bed either, and DH who is not keen on dogs would go spare at the idea.

The spare bed is 'my' bed from before we lived together, and 'our' bed is 'his' and he really wouldn't countenance a dog sleeping in it. His line is, this is our house rule that we don't have dogs upstairs, it's perfectly reasonable, we're telling them months in advance so they can make other plans, and they can choose to sleep upstairs sans animals or downstairs with.

I just feel guilty though, and like a shit daughter :(

I privately want to suggest that Partner either puts her dog in a kennel for 4-5 days or doesn't come - we don't know each other that well, whereas I really want to see my mum at this time, for obvious reasons - but I'd never want to imply to my mum that her DP isn't welcome so will keep my trap shut on that score!

OP posts:
Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 17/10/2014 15:05

WooWoo it will be the first time, as the DP has only had the dog just over a year, and has only stayed at her own flat and/or my mum's house in that time, where she can always have the dog in the bed. Hence her thinking it's U - 'but I always do this' etc.

OP posts:
traviata · 17/10/2014 15:09

does your mum's partner have to come? Could you make sure she feels very welcome but just this once, because of the dog situation, she might stay at home? (with both dogs?)

traviata · 17/10/2014 15:09

sorry x-post

JustAShopGirl · 17/10/2014 15:13

We have a no dogs upstairs rule in our house - and we have a dog.

So I don't think it would be unreasonable to insist the dog is downstairs - whether with or without your mum's partner.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 17/10/2014 15:22

the DP has only had the dog just over a year, and has only stayed at her own flat and/or my mum's house in that time, where she can always have the dog in the bed

That's her problem, not yours.

If she doesn't like the arrangements, she doesn't have to come. It doesn't sound like you'll be overly bothered either way. If your mother puts her partner's dog's interests ahead of her daughter's, that's a shame, but you'll know where you stand for later.

Don't back down. Or you'll have dogs all over your baby when s/he's born. The partner sounds like very hard work.

AMumInScotland · 17/10/2014 15:25

It sounds like your mum's partner needs to start understanding that, if she is going to insist the dog sleeps with her, she is going to end up on a lot of campbeds and other less-desirable beds. There is nothing the least bit U in not allowing dogs on beds.

She has choices -
come but she and dog sleep on the campbed
come and she, your mum and both dogs sleep on the campbed
come and leave the dog in kennels
stay home with the dog

You are not being a shit daughter. Even if you had zero reason for not wanting dogs on the beds you still would not be unreasonable for having this rule. And with a baby on the way, a husband who dislikes dogs, and a room that is being kept clean for the baby, you lots of valid reasons for this stance.

anothergenericname · 17/10/2014 15:33

Your House. Your rules. End of

figgypuddings · 17/10/2014 15:37

Could your mum's partner stay at a dog friendly B&B nearby?

Yanbu.

girlywhirly · 17/10/2014 15:38

You and DH stick to your rule. It is the partner's issue to resolve. Practically speaking it would be better for you if they brought their own bedding and took it away to wash so that you don't have to do it.

You have given them plenty of time to sort something out, and there are lots of suggestions on this thread for sleeping arrangements. Please don't wait until they have arrived before they decide where to sleep. You are not a shit daughter, you have every right to your own wishes being upheld in your own home.

You say you don't know the partner that well and that will also be true of the partner not knowing you, so she may decide not to come if you and DH won't let her dog sleep on the bed. It will not be your fault if she chooses to do this.

TheRealMaryMillington · 17/10/2014 15:42

No dogs upstairs
Bed is available for humans
Who can choose to sleep where they like
By offering the bed for the appropriate occupants you have done your duty as host.

They have plenty of options including not being so pathetically soppy about co-sleeping with a dog leaving the dog behind, or not sleeping together.

I am not sure that at enormously pregnant or looking after a newborn stage I would want anyone's dog in my house full stop.

diddl · 17/10/2014 15:43

We have a dog, which we both love.

Not enough to sleep on the floor though!

I think having two dogs to stay is more than reasonable, without being dictated to that one must sleep on a bed!

Your mum sounds a bit of a wuss if she hasn't told her partner to stop being so demanding/difficult.

and if she's going to sleep on the floor when she doesn't have to!

and if she lets the dog sleep on her bed when her partner is there when her own dog doesn't!

Chippednailvarnish · 17/10/2014 15:44

Your Mum's partner sounds a total PITA. I would already be concerned that they will be unreasonably demanding and having them to visit will be very hard work.

I love dogs, but the idea of having something that licks its own arse on my bed makes me queasy.

diddl · 17/10/2014 15:53

With any luck partner won't visit.

Knowing that your mum's dog doesn't sleep on the bed, it's bad enough(imo) that partner's dog sleeps on your mum's bed when she stays there, without expecting that you allowing too!

specialsubject · 17/10/2014 15:54

your house, your rules. Ickle poochie-woo doesn't go where you don't want it.

tell them to book a dog-friendly cottage - but be aware most of those insist that the dogs do not go upstairs. This is because dogs are mindless animals and can often excrete/vomit at random. And yes, they roll in the excreta of other animals.

partner sounds very controlling and unreasonable, and very childish for being 'offended' at this. Let's hope your mum sees sense at some stage.

diddl · 17/10/2014 15:54

Can she be trusted not to sneak the dog up if she does stay on the grounds that they were both uncomfortable slept in bed & had to have dog with them?

Fabulous46 · 17/10/2014 15:54

I think you should speak to your mum and see if she would be willing to come on her own. I think her partner IBVU. You can't just demand to have a dog sleep with you in someone else's house. I'd hyperventilate if anyone asked for their dog to sleep on one of my beds! It also sounds like you'd prefer just your mum to come so you can spend time with her on her own.

BarbarianMum · 17/10/2014 15:58

Where will your mum and her dp be sleeping when they come to visit after the baby is born? I'm asking cause it sounds like this might not be a on-off problem.

Personally I'm boggling that people think its OK for their pets to sleep on other people's beds.

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/10/2014 15:58

We have a 'no dogs in the house' rule. No way Jose would we allow dogs in our house.

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