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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really pissed off about teacher consultation?

101 replies

katiekatie · 15/10/2014 21:43

I just went to Ds teacher parent consultation & I'm in shock!
It's a great school & on the whole all the other teachers the kids have had have been great, interested & dedicated people.
But this woman is just...dead behind the eyes, monotone, bland ughh
She started off by telling me we couldn't wait for dh because she had to stick strictly to ten minutes then asked me how he'd settled in! then told me everything was fine, he was 'nice' doing fine etc. Said fine about 100 times
She could have been describing anyone & I just find that very odd

OP posts:
kokomaloko · 15/10/2014 23:17

Honestly, I'm not about to book a half hour app to talk about my kid for no reason. I can't see why anyone would?!

teacherwith2kids · 15/10/2014 23:27

Well, koko, many parents would like to do so at parents' evenings - and they have no more reason to do so then than at another point in the term.

LilMissSunshine9 · 15/10/2014 23:49

Surely all you need to know is if your child is progressing on track in line with usual expectations of where they should be in said subject. If the child is in line with expectations than what else do you need to know really. As parent its all I want to know are they doing well if not what can I do or what can we do together to sort it out, but that is just me.

however · 16/10/2014 02:30

I like to at least have a sense that the teacher 'knows' my child. I had a very real sense in one PT meeting that the teacher could have been taking about anyone. She was the only teacher out of the 3 that had no notes about my child. (I have 3 kids a the school)

I'm not expecting a page, or even a half page. But 2 out of my 3 teachers had a page with the child's name written at the top and basically two columns - not entitled strengths/weaknesses - but something similar. And they both had something to say about my child as an individual, in addition to the "yep, x is doing well, is exactly where she needs to be..." etc. Not this third teacher. She was all glazed eyes and 'fine' with very vague comments.

I came out of there wondering if she'd be able to pick him out of a line up.

I understand the sticking to 10 mins, though.

PunkrockerGirl · 16/10/2014 05:42

Slightly off track, but when ds was in primary school, there was a mother who insisted on having a mini-consultation with the teacher every day when the teacher brought the children out at home time.
I used to feel so sorry for the teacher, trying to make sure the children had someone to fetch them and at the same time answering this woman's questions about what sort of day her pfb had, how was her reading coming along etc. Every single day Confused

NewtRipley · 16/10/2014 05:54

You don't have to be able to chat with her.

ime, some of the best teachers don't necessarily have the best rapport with parents.

It is not all about you. some parents would be wise to try and undertpstand that.

NewtRipley · 16/10/2014 05:56

And actually, OP, the word "fine" may not describe many children in her class.

wtffgs · 16/10/2014 06:07

"Dead behind the eyes"? Really?

Have you considered that the woman maybe knackered on week 7 of an eight week term, that she is more likely tone dead on her feet having been on her feet teaching all day. She may well be reprimanded for running late or taking more than her 10minute slot per child.

State education is in Ames, lots of teachers are miserable about it since they actually want to teach . Still you go ahead and blame the person not the crumbling system Hmm

wtffgs · 16/10/2014 06:09

The typos are the iPhone's fault - I am literate, honestly Wink

Wellthen · 16/10/2014 06:22

Phew, relieved by the responses as the op could have been about me! I struggle to know what to say about my 'fine' kids. I explain where they are in relation to expectations, I ask the parent of the child is happy in year x, any friendship/other issues that have cropped up before and that's about it.

What else is there to say? They behave well, they work hard, their work is as expected. I'm sorry but its not worth my time saying 'now I've noticed they are friends with x and they like y sport and they sometimes get excitable in PE' just to prove that I know your kid. I think most parents would find it patronising.

NewtRipley · 16/10/2014 06:30

Wellthen

I wonder if some parents, particularly at their first parents evening, wouldn't find it patronising. They'd see it as evidence that you find their child interesting and special, which is what many of us want. I am playing devil's advocate here, because I think that pandering to parental anxiety, is, to an extent a smart move for teachers.

I see both perspectives.....

sesamstrasse · 16/10/2014 06:33

Wellthen, I am 100% with you,

Yarp · 16/10/2014 06:44

Back to you OP

I think you have made very many assumptions about this teacher's lack of dedication and interest on the basis of this interaction.

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 16/10/2014 07:04

I'm confused as to whether the op's Dh was late or not. First post says teacher said she couldn't wait for Dh to turn up, second post says he wasn't late. Confused. Was the teacher trying to begin the appt early?

Re saying a pupil is fine and asking you how they're settling in all quite usual for parents eve. Not much they can say at this stage in the school year other than to identify major problems early.

WilburIsSomePig · 16/10/2014 07:28

OP I'm interested to know what you wanted or expected from the appointment?

GratefulHead · 16/10/2014 07:37

I have a teacher consultation this evening. My son is autistic and in mainstream school. I will be delighted to hear just "fine". In fact I will be over the bloody moon if it happens as he has just started secondary school.

Be happy, "fine" is absolutely fantastic Smile

RufusTheReindeer · 16/10/2014 07:58

My children's teachers always say they are fine

BUT, in the 10 minutes they always seem able to say what they are doing that's particularly good and what they can do to improve something that's not good and quite often a little bit about their behaviour

So OP I think YANBU to want some of those things

The dead behind the eyes comment was rude but I think that sometimes you can get a teacher who is just going through the motions or does not particularly 'like' your child or has just had a bad day...it's unreasonable to expect them to be enthusiastic all the time

vdbfamily · 16/10/2014 08:18

I think parents eve in first term is purely to discuss how a child has settled into new class/year etc.It is too soon to be discussing progress or anything else.My eldest started secondary school and we went to meet her teacher a couple of weeks ago. She asked whether we had any issues and basically confirmed that school had no issues and she was handing in homework on time and that was that. Done and dusted in 5 minutes. I was a bit taken aback but as we drove home I thought there was not really much else to say after 4 weeks of school!!

Everyotherfreckle · 16/10/2014 09:39

I am a teacher with a DS who is fast approaching school age.

I am steeling myself for the fact that at parents evening the teacher is NOT going to spend half an hour gushing about the fact that my DS is the loveliest and most amazing little boy they have ever taught, that he is G&T in everything and that he is destined for a life of greatness! Grin

Fingers crossed, they will tell me he is doing fine in everything, has some friends and is happy at school.

Everyotherfreckle · 16/10/2014 09:44

OP if your DH wasn't late and she wanted to start the appointment early then you would have been perfectly reasonable and within your rights to say, 'no I would like to wait until our allotted time to start the meeting please'.

kali110 · 16/10/2014 10:09

I'm not a teacher and i still think yabu

RiverTam · 16/10/2014 10:37

I've got my first parents evening coming up and I wouldn't find it at all patronising to get a bit more from DD's teacher than 'she's fine'. For most parents, I would have thought, their first child starting school is quite a big deal.

I have had 3 parents evenings at DD's nursery and you certainly got a lot more, in 10 minutes, than 'she's fine'.

JustAShopGirl · 16/10/2014 10:57

we just didn't go after the first one - never had any concerns, never had the teacher say they had any issues... thankfully!

just put a note in their planner "if you need to see me for parents' evening, please let me know - we are happy with how things are going"

Always got a "no need, everything going well this side too"

McGlashan · 16/10/2014 11:17

I feel a bit sorry for the OP - it's a fact that not every teacher is nice, friendly or good at their job. Most of my immediate family are teachers and at least one is a lazy sod who hates the parents and some of the kids. You should hear them talk about their colleagues.
I was helping at DS's school a few weeks ago on my day off for a project that meant I was in contact with all the teachers. Some were lovely and some were downright rude.
The thing is there is nothing you can do if you get a teacher who you may have issues wth. Suck it up and keep your fingers crossed until next year.

2rebecca · 16/10/2014 11:32

If you'd arrived early then why not wait until your husband arrived and let other parents go before you if it's not timed slots? I generally found first term parents evenings of little value as the teachers only have a vague idea of who is who by then. I mainly viewed it as a chance for the teachers to tell us if they had particular concerns about the kids and vv. 10 minutes is usually long enough. If you want specific answers you usually have to ask specific questions but after only a few weeks their knowledge of your child may be woolly if a large class and your child isn't one of the naughty ones.