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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel really pissed off about teacher consultation?

101 replies

katiekatie · 15/10/2014 21:43

I just went to Ds teacher parent consultation & I'm in shock!
It's a great school & on the whole all the other teachers the kids have had have been great, interested & dedicated people.
But this woman is just...dead behind the eyes, monotone, bland ughh
She started off by telling me we couldn't wait for dh because she had to stick strictly to ten minutes then asked me how he'd settled in! then told me everything was fine, he was 'nice' doing fine etc. Said fine about 100 times
She could have been describing anyone & I just find that very odd

OP posts:

CrumpleHornedSnorkack · 15/10/2014 22:06

child = children

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 15/10/2014 22:06

My kids school has a great system.

Book an appointment and teacher is in their classroom. When it's time you go and knock on the door giving her perfect opportunity to boot out the incumbent.

Late comers either get a shorter session or have to wait for a free slot (parents are often early to look through the kids books so teacher is always able to grab someone if there is a latecomer). Head is in the hall (with the books) marshalling the whole thing.

I guess it only works at primary where there aren't too many specialist subject teachers

Passmethecrisps · 15/10/2014 22:07

I don't think OP sounds awful. If this was a very first parent's evening then she probably went in with pretty high expectations.

I hate it when they are so early in the term that I find myself blathering on about crap just to make it worth the time of the parents who have come along.

I also know that I vary depending on where in the evening a parent gets seen. My first couple of appointments will be very different to the ones two hours later.

My advice would be to see the evening as a two way process rather than you being talked at. Go with questions you specifically want to ask or just with something nice to say if you have nothing burning.

If you are 100% happy and have no concerns send the school a letter telling them this and don't go

EatDessertFirst · 15/10/2014 22:08

YABU. Your DH was late so thats tough.

As for her being 'dead behind the eyes'! Thats a hideous way to describe anyone let alone your childs teacher. She was probably trying to stick to alloted appointments because she has a life outside work. Her time is just as precious as yours and your DH's.

sosotiredagain123 · 15/10/2014 22:09

What did you expect to be told he is a genius ....

mrsminiverscharlady · 15/10/2014 22:09

The first parents' evening when your child goes to school is always a bit of a disappointment. You fondly imagine that the teacher will have recognised their genius and all-round adorableness. Unfortunately even the loveliest teacher will never match a parent's enthusiasm for their own child.

m0therofdragons · 15/10/2014 22:10

We had an odd one when dd was in reception (2nd term). Meeting began with "do you have any questions? " errr how is dd doing?

Original poster

katiekatie · 15/10/2014 22:10

Erm wow. He wasn't late. I was early b/c I waited there rather than going home after Sch pick up. I've never been to a ptc that was on time because I've found them friendly & chatty, she was desperate to say her script & get me out the door asap I take it there are a lot of teachers on here. Lesson learnt, never criticise a teacher on mn!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2014 22:11

Also regarding the question she asked you

I'm sure there are children who aren't settling well at all in school, but they don't tell their parents...preferring to just say everything's good.

So you might have said, "Yes, he loves it" and the teacher might say "Really? That's not the impression he gives when he's here".

She really does have your child's best interests at heart here.

starlight1234 · 15/10/2014 22:11

I think the question of how you think child is settling in is very relvant. I can say I would be able to say different for every year. My DS has the most enthusiasm and happiness at going to school this year and is shines through at home.

My worst parents evening was when a teacher reeled off a list of negatives and not one positive with my DS sat next to me. It was a indication of the teachers approach to the year and continued so for the rest of the year. I declined to attend any further parents evenings with her.

Fine is good means no real problems though if you have specific questions then you need to ask them.

AS for DH was late. I would assume you could hand on any information to him

Original poster

katiekatie · 15/10/2014 22:12

What? No of course not 'genius' just something that remotely describes him, not just...anyone

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2014 22:12

I'm not a teacher - just a parent with a modicum of understanding.

sosotiredagain123 · 15/10/2014 22:12

I love teachers like the one you describe. Give you the facts. No chit chat and run to time. I normally go more on what my dc think of the teacher, their relationship with them rather than mine and progress

Dragonfly71 · 15/10/2014 22:13

The late thing YABU
But I wouldn't be happy with nice and fine comments either! Had my sons patent evening ( yr 6) last night and we got lots of detail. It was really productive and we agreed a strategy for helping him move up a group in maths ( which he wants- not being pushy! ) We were the last parents to be seen as we chose 7pm slot to be sure we'd be on time. Teacher apologised for running behind by 20 minutes and we congratulated her on it only being that long! Bit of give and take is needed I reckon.

teacherwith2kids · 15/10/2014 22:17

Hmm. If your weather is anything like it was here today, your class teachwer will have supervised 2 or 3x wet plays in her classroom, and coped with children who were climbing the walls with being cooped up all day.

She may well not have been to the toilet, eaten, or drunk anything very much, and will now be on parents' evening duty till late.

There may have been major class incidents (on my very worst parents' evening, we had had a very significant and upsertting incident in school AND a parent in my class had committed suicide the previous day).

'Dead behind the eyes' would be for all sorts of reasons, and while you might want a 'firiendly, chatty' meeting, the poor parent with the 6 pm appointment who is still there at 7.30 would MUCH prefer them to have been short and businesslike!

clam · 15/10/2014 22:19

How long do you think she should have been prepared to wait for your dh to turn up?

That said, if a parent isn't there at their allotted time (and there can be all sorts of legitimate unavoidable reasons for that), I will scout around to see if the next lot have turned up, and slot them in a bit early. This gives the latecomers an opportunity to have their turn afterwards. Doesn't always work though.

I also incorporate a "how do you feel s/he's settled in" question near the beginning, to check that there are no problems they're hearing on the home front that I should know about.

thatsn0tmyname · 15/10/2014 22:20

I had parents evening tonight. I had 29 appts of 5 mins each. Of course it went off schedule and I had 3 or 4 sets of waiting parents to fend off and see according to the appt schedule. They all booked online, I had no breaks in 3hours, it was intense. Hanging on for parents makes things worse. Tell your husband what was said, not wait. That's not fair.

3nonblondeboys80 · 15/10/2014 22:20

you are lucky to have 10 minutes. we got 5. However, teacher was lovely.

3nonblondeboys80 · 15/10/2014 22:22

crumple is spot on.

furcoatbigknickers · 15/10/2014 22:22

I had one for dd2 today. I was bit put out when she asked me if she does time tables and spellings at home.

pointythings · 15/10/2014 22:22

I think asking you how you thought your DS had settled was right - children say different things at home because they feel less need to please, that question might have raised issues she could not have been aware of.

I'd have expected something a bit more personal, speaking from experience - both my DDs' YrR teachers had a lot of things to say that told me they really 'got' them even early on. DD2 was still doing enforce half days at this stage of YrR and hated it - she wanted to stay, have school dinners with her friends and do a full day. She was a very angry little girl and that was reflected (and managed very well) at school and the teacher made it clear she was aware what the issue was. I was impressed.

Both my DDs' teachers picked up on it instantly when they had one of those mad developmental leaps in their reading and adjusted the work immediately. Your DS' teacher does not sound very on the ball just yet. However, she may need more time to get to know everyone and I'd give her until Easter to 'get' your DS.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/10/2014 22:22

Not so much "Never criticise a teacher on MN", more "Never make unkind and personal comments about a teacher's appearance and expect a round of applause".

HTH

kokomaloko · 15/10/2014 22:23

This whole thread just reminded me of how i used to pray that my mum wouldn't go to parents evening (or just bin the letters) & how I'm now the mum & i can't wait for them mwahaha! (do they have a system in place now or should i check the bin?)

ilovesooty · 15/10/2014 22:25

Lesson learnt, never criticise a teacher on mn!

Perhaps you could think about whether the criticism is justified. That's not the message I'm reading here.

teacherwith2kids · 15/10/2014 22:25

The other thing is, do you have significant concerns about your child? If so, the 'they're fine' response is obviously unacceptable.

Do you have questions that weren't answered?

Is your child unhappy?

Did the work in their books seem reasnoable, well-marked, similar in standard to last year or a bit better?

If everything is, in fact, fine, then there is no problem in the teacher describing it in those terms. If it isn't fine, make another appointment to discuss your specific concerns. I met some parents upwards of 15-20 times last year. I saw others only on the 3 parents' evenings, and some not even at those. If your concerns are genuine and reasonable, then it is fine to make appointments to see the teacher outside these' sghowcase' occasions.

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