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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really pissed off about teacher consultation?

101 replies

katiekatie · 15/10/2014 21:43

I just went to Ds teacher parent consultation & I'm in shock!
It's a great school & on the whole all the other teachers the kids have had have been great, interested & dedicated people.
But this woman is just...dead behind the eyes, monotone, bland ughh
She started off by telling me we couldn't wait for dh because she had to stick strictly to ten minutes then asked me how he'd settled in! then told me everything was fine, he was 'nice' doing fine etc. Said fine about 100 times
She could have been describing anyone & I just find that very odd

OP posts:
clam · 15/10/2014 22:27

5 minutes?! How fast do you have to speak to get through in that short time?!
We do 10 minutes, over two evenings. Still get a fair few parents who are determined to get longer though. One has to be very assertive and wind it up clearly. I tend to stand up, edge towards the door and say something like, "I'm so sorry, we'll have to leave it there for now as I have people waiting, but do pop in to a class surgery one week if you want to discuss it further."

As for parents booking their own appointment online..... no WAY!!! I like to be in charge of who I put where (in line with their selected preference of an hour or so's window), as I'm afraid there are some parents who I would never put at the end of the evening, those who want a half hour chat, for a start!

teacherwith2kids · 15/10/2014 22:28

[I have been, as a teacher, verbally abused and on one occasion physically threatened at a parents' evening ...they can be less than fun from the 'opther side of the desk'!]

Corabell · 15/10/2014 22:28

OP you sound like a treat.

Teacher was probably shattered and her soul has been destroyed by the hell that is teaching.

JustSpeakSense · 15/10/2014 22:29

YABU

Why would you expect the teacher & parents behind you to all wait and run late because your husband did not make it on time?

Of course she asked you how he was settling in, you would know if he had any worries or problems that she should be made aware of. It's a two way conversation.

It sounds as if she feels he's doing fine.

I'm not sure what more you wanted from the poor woman?

clam · 15/10/2014 22:29

"I was bit put out when she asked me if she does time tables and spellings at home."

Why? It's a fair question, as all children are expected to do them, but many don't appear to.

TheFairyCaravan · 15/10/2014 22:30

I love parents evenings where you go in, they tell you everything is fine and you can go. I always feel sorry for the parents (and the kids) who are sat there for an age, where everything is obviously so not fine and they need more input.

I'm rather pleased the teacher said that she was sticking to her timetable and the ten minute rule. The last parents evening I went to a parent insisted on seeing a teacher they didn't have an appointment with, spent 40 minutes with them, whilst the rest of us, with appointments stood like lemons waiting for them to finish!

kokomaloko · 15/10/2014 22:30

Surely the parents that want a half hour chit chat get some parenting points for actually giving a shit about their child's education & missing eastenders to discuss it?!

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 15/10/2014 22:33

Wait till she tells you your child is NOT doing well. Then you can moan.

ilovesooty · 15/10/2014 22:33

At one time I taught three brothers in different year groups. Their mother (who always had the first appointment of the evening) turned up three times a year determined to talk about all three of them in the allotted 10 minutes slot.

AnonyMust · 15/10/2014 22:33

They're kinda right.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 15/10/2014 22:34

koko no they do not. Wanting something is not the same as deserving it anyway. Teachers will make special appointments to discuss a child who is having issues. If no issues are present then take as much time as you're allotted.

teacherwith2kids · 15/10/2014 22:34

Koko, I'll go for an 'It depends' on that one. If a parent is genuinely concerned, then a 10 min chat on the formal evening and a follow-up meeting on another occasion is usually a much better way of achieving something.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/10/2014 22:35

Maybe, koko, but they lose all those points for having no consideration for other parents, not for the teacher, who would probably give her right arm to be at home watching eastenders!

clam · 15/10/2014 22:36

"Surely the parents that want a half hour chit chat get some parenting points for actually giving a shit about their child's education & missing eastenders to discuss it?!"

Er, no, because it's not my role to be awarding "parenting points" at all. It is my job to liaise with all 30 sets of parents within the limited time available to everyone's convenience.

PunkrockerGirl · 15/10/2014 22:37

No, the parents that want a half hour chit chat should make a separate appointment on another day, not hold the other parents and the teacher up.

kokomaloko · 15/10/2014 22:51

I didn't say they deserve it. But it's easy to get carried away when discussing your child's education etc.i can just see how someone might not think it through and how it affects others. I guess a gentle reminder to books a desperate app.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2014 22:51

The sort of parents who expect a teacher not to glaze over during a 'half hour chit chat', will no doubt have documented every single second of their PFB's life on Facebook anyway...

kokomaloko · 15/10/2014 22:52

Sorry clam i just assumed teachers like to see parents taking an interest even if they go about it in a frustrating way!

kokomaloko · 15/10/2014 22:55

Oh the horror of writing about your child on FB. Honestly Confused

Athrawes · 15/10/2014 23:01

If you, and maybe half a dozen other parents, can't be bothered to turn up on time, then I get home late to my child. My kid is just as important as yours.
If you want longer or can't get DH there on time, because he/you have a job that doesn't allow daytime leave, the arrange a different meeting.
Also, she may have been bland because she was exhausted, had a bad day, her husband has left her, her kids are having problems - teachers are humans too, we can't always put on a great performance.

kokomaloko · 15/10/2014 23:02

separate appointment I should probs take the place of my child at school anyway by the looks of that post.
No offence meant, I just see myself waffling on about my pfb that i post all over Facebook about& i never realised it would be such a negative thing. I would always be mindful of other parents though so I guess I'd be making a separate app.

Notmadeofrib · 15/10/2014 23:03

Peas in a pod Worra and koko Grin

clam · 15/10/2014 23:06

Separate appointments are for 'out of the ordinary' issues, not just for those who fancy a long chat about their pfb. I make sure any routine 'can't make the proper evening' requests are the same length as everyone else's.

LiegeAndLief · 15/10/2014 23:11

We get 10mins on a timer. When the timer goes off you have to vacate within about 2 seconds or the head will come over and escort you out. I quite like this military precision as we usually go for one of the later slots due to work etc and they are never running late!

teacherwith2kids · 15/10/2014 23:14

"Separate appointments are for 'out of the ordinary' issues, not just for those who fancy a long chat about their pfb."

Ah yes. There are those who are escorted to the door at the end of the allotted 10 minutes with 'please call tomorrow to make an appointment for another meeting', and those who are simply escorted to the door....

And there are, of course, those who after 10 minutes are still sounding off in the most abusive possible terms about the school and you as a teacher. We do have a panic button for those.