my baby boomer parents are selfish and ungrateful

[yoofoftoday]

Had lunch with parents yesterday and left so fuming.

Mother complains about not being able to get a new car on finance and that her retirement income is only 28k after she retired early. Her current car is only 4 years old and she often uses her free bus pass (only free to her take payers have to pay for it along with the rising bus fares) as she doesn't was the BMW to get scratched in town. I barely can afford the bus and can't even afford a car.

Dad who gets his state pension but still works was complaining that he has to pay Ni and then wait till the end of the year to claim it back. Also complqains that now he gets his state pension has to up the amount in his private pension to avoid 40% tax. He only keeps doing this job as its easy and he works from home not doing much.

Uncle who sold a building plot to developers for a fortune ages ago and hasn't worked since said "oh your poor dad still working". When my dad is in perfect health and works from home paid a lot for easy work, basically on call 9-5.

Then my parents say they are putting their winter fuel allowance towards a 3d DVD player while I go home to my cold house where I only put the heating on if it goes below 16.

Nc but regular.

I am now a baby boomer as I started receiving my pension in January. My mother has a very good pension because when my father retired (got made redundant at 55) he chose to take a pension of £2000 a year instewad of £2500 to enable my mother to have a third of the pension when he died. My father died when he was 92 5 years ago and my mother is now 84. She has been very generous to all her children over the years and I am very grateful.

Dh and I have struggled over the years to pay mortgages but we were fortunate to have been able to sell a fairly large house and downsize and move to a cheaper part of the country to give us extra income in our retirement. Dh had his own business which he sold for £100 to enable the rest of his employees to stay in work. We know that we have been lucky in some ways but we have had to work very hard for what we have got. Dh used to be out of the house for 12- 13 hours a day.

In retirement we have above average pensions but we still have to be careful with our money as we have had children living at home for over 36 years.

Id be angry at the people who voted to close the final salary pensions. And make people pay into them directly. That was 4% of my pay i think for probably very little pension.

Its all the previous generation living so long in their family houses tgats keeping the prices high. Bit like the bedroom tax need to start swapping the younger families into the larger houses.
Work has gotten more stressful even in last few years, so many useless staff extra hours, bosses that cant do the job (or much of anything) dictating staff can do x amount which is is clearly impossible.
The older people do seem to have set things up nicely for themselves

Yes I know, and I'm not claiming to be poor, not at all. But the issue with housing is that it has got so much more expensive that even with not being poor (DP and I are both professionals and earn good incomes, though mine is p-t) it can very difficult to afford a family home, especially in some cities.

This is something that my parents didn't have to worry about - even though their income wasn't high, housing only cost a small proportion of it and they could always afford oodles of space. My mum just can't comprehend why if space is tight, we don't just buy a massive house like hers. She seems unable to grasp that it isn't as easy now. So listening to her moan about her lack of space annoys me!

And... I dont understand how does that effect you. How your parents choose to spend their money is not your problem. You could be in rags, eating out of dustbin (taking it to extreme here) and they can spend their money on a cruise. You an adult, old enough to support yourself! You might want to get this post removed op as it makes you seem selfish and ungrateful. Is this a reverse?

I think if anyone is well-off, going on a lot of holidays, living in a large house, buying new cars, paying 40% tax etc,. then it is in poor taste to moan to someone who has less disposable income, a smaller house or whatever. I wouldn't do it to a friend or sibling for example.

OP is annoyed by them moaning at her when she has less then them, which is thoughtless and inconsiderate.

londonrach

You don't understand how someone being rude and tactless would affect someone else?

You might want to get your post removed as it makes you seem lacking in emotional intelligence, social skills and reading comprehension.

Londonrach can't you put yourself in the OP's shoes and admit her parents are being somewhat thoughtless?

Why on earth would it be a reverse? That makes no sense at all.

Yes i can and maybe i took it abit far with the picture i painted but op is an adult and how her parents choose to spend their money is up to them. Hope you understand what i mean op. Sorry if i upset you.

Londonrach you are missing the wider issues.

Many in the OP's parents' generation have done well financially due to:

• huge house price rises, which means the OP's generation can't buy houses
• secure jobs for life and final salary pensions which are largely gone for the OP's generation
• and they still receive pension, winter heating, bus pass etc funded by taxpayer s in OP's generation, although many of these benefits will be gone by the time OP is retired

So do you see why OP is irritated when her parents' moan to her about having to pay higher rate tax?!

The babyboomers I know recognise that they have been lucky but are terrified at the prospect of paying for care homes of their choice.

Their parents' generation looked after their elderly by living close to them or bringing them into their homes.

I am sure the pensioners you are talking about do exist, and their lives were also very 'comfortable' prior to retirement. Husband working, wife at home looking after 2.2 children, holidays, own their home, car, but not everyone in that era was so lucky. I am retired but I don't have savings because we couldn't afford to save when were bringing up our children . I couldn't work because there were no childminders or nurseries then so had no-one to look after my children. We just got by month after month, year after year. Yes I am a 'baby boomer' but am definitely not 'well off'. Also because I could not work until my children were old enough to leave on their own, I have a very reduced state pension. Some people inherit money, some people make money but not everyone of my age is that fortunate! So you can't say that all the 'baby boomers' had it easy!

Milk...sitting in my rented one bed flat here in similar situation to op. i have also have parents with similar house paid off, new car, bus pass etc but not for one moment do i think they are selfish. They worked hard and why cant they enjoy their retirement as long as their health lasts. My mum had breast cancer and tbh id rather they enjoy every single penny they had rather then her go though cancer again. Believe me as someone who works with the elderly ops parents are entitled to enjoy these years.... I enjoy hearing my patents stories of travelling etc. may not?

"Its all the previous generation living so long in their family houses tgats keeping the prices high"
Really? And there was me thinking it was to do with councils not being allowed to build any houses, builders preferring to make larger profits for building/selling fewer homes than they could, competition from buy-to-let landlords, and the deregulation of the mortgage market in the 1980s (because if sellers know you can borrow more, they see no reason why you shouldn't). IIRC, house prices bumped along when banks would lend you no more than 2.5 times salary; but when they were falling over themselves to lend six times (and more), that's when prices started to fly. But no. It's all to do with those pesky baby boomers who Just. Won't. Die.

"Bit like the bedroom tax need to start swapping the younger families into the larger houses."
I believe that particular hobby horse has been well and truly shown to be a myth.

And I am not ashamed about it. Why should I be?

Because you are demanding you final sallery pension,free travel even though you didn't contribute enough for it and it will screw over your children and children's children.

yoofotoday I contributed what I signed up to. The State signed up to the pension. End of.

And naty1 the right to decide when if ever to downsize is one of the things people buy when they take on a mortgage.

yoofotoday I contributed what I signed up to. The State signed up to the pension. End of.

But you don't feel guilty that less fortunate people will be subsidizing you for perks they won't get themselves. I was promised it so I will get it, regardless of the damage it does. I'd feel selfish if that was my attitude.

OP you make it sound as if all baby boomers have final salary pensions and large house with no mortgages.

Well that's impressive of me as I've not even mentioned houses or mortgages.

Andrew what about people who are still working who are having their state pension ages raised. They signed up like you did but the rules are changing for them anyway. A little empathy wouldn't go amiss.

The babyboomers I know recognise that they have been lucky but are terrified at the prospect of paying for care homes of their choice.

Their parents' generation looked after their elderly by living close to them or bringing them into their homes.

I feel rather sorrier for pensioners who can't afford to choose the care homes that they need and will be put wherever the council finds them a place. Much of the wealth in pensioners hands comes from entirely unearned house price increases. It isn't unreasonable that it should be used to look after them.

LittleBearPad, I think we may be in heated agreement. My point really was that babyboomers with capital in their houses feel they may need every penny of it to pay for their own care. This makes them less generous to their children in their lifetime than their children (and they) might like.

I'm with you on this OP, my mums the same. Always moaning about how little she has but still manages to save £400 of her pensions a month for god knows what as she never spends it! Took her 10 years to decide on a new bathroom when it needed one 20 yrs ago! I can't be arsed going round more than once a week and she only lives a mile away!

We may well be .

And it's fair enough they may be concerned about holding on to that asset to fund their care in the future.

But if they complained about having to pay 40% tax as OP's parents did I wouldn't be that sympathetic. And I'm not jealous, I pay it myself.

I agree with some of what you say OP. My parents have worked very hard and saved well for a comfortable retirement. They both have good teacher's pensions and will start their state pensions soon (both retired at 60). Mortgage paid off, they still put some money each month into savings and go on two or three nice holidays each year. And I'm pleased that they can do so. Yet my Dad got really funny when I suggested that maybe the govt could start means testing the winter fuel allowance, as there is a not insignificant number of pensioners (like them!) who really don't need it! He was adamant that they were "entitled to it"! It does make me a bit when money that could be channelled elsewhere into the system and do real good, is just expected by certain people who actually don't need it to live comfortably.

Having said that, I probably have more of an issue with funding free public transport for the hordes of riotous, rude, inconsiderate teenagers who make my every commute hell. Playing tinny music on their phones and leaving half drunk cans of coke, packets of crisps and fried chicken bones all over the bus/tram/train while shrieking at each other. Can you tell I had a great journey home tonight!

LittleBearPad and yoofoftoday My state pension age is being raised too! it shouldn't be for anybody, but it is. But that's no reason to break the deal with me and millions like me. The pension we have paid for is part of the National Debt, just like savings in NSI. If you have money in NSI the interest (such as it is and at times it has been much higher and may soon be again) is paid by taxpayers who may be worse off than you but there is no reason to feel guilty about it.