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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really miffed and maybe a little offended at this fussy eater?

108 replies

afussyphase · 12/10/2014 23:05

Ironic given my NN (which is taken from an annoying comment my own mother made once) .. I actually can't believe this happened.
DD2 has always been a fussy eater. I'm against using sweets as a bribe and we don't usually do it, but today I commented that we wouldn't be having ice cream unless we (each) had eaten a healthy meal. I had made a (very lovely IMO) veg lasagne with greens, pesto, nice and creamy, mild... all flavours she likes except the greens.
She was giving it a go, reluctantly, and she ate a bit and then she started doing this theatrical-seeming gagging thing. So I said to take small bites etc. And she ACTUALLY VOMITED a bit of it back up.
Now, my mother is, shall we say, not interested in cooking and has come up with some really humdingers in her day but I NEVER actually hurled anything back up just because I didn't like it. DD is 3 1/2 and is otherwise well. No vomit bugs etc; ate some carrots, nuts and eventually a few bites of ice cream no problem.
DH loved the lasagne. DD1 (6) thought it was OK. It was BY NO MEANS revolting. And, childish though it is, I am actually kind of a little offended. Talk about all the efforts of mothering going down the drain. Hmph.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/10/2014 23:08

Poor little thing, was she ok?

LadyLuck10 · 12/10/2014 23:09

I think the gagging would have caused the vomiting rather than your cooking.
In any case, I would not pander to her theatrics. If she is hungry enough she will eat or if she can eat desert then she's fine to eat supper.

FunkyBoldRibena · 12/10/2014 23:09

Yeah, never ever mention pudding until dinner is over.

writtenguarantee · 12/10/2014 23:10

I too have a fussy youngster. it is infuriating.

YANBU and YABU. I feel your pain, certainly. but if the child is gagging, she can't really control that. I don't think any 3 year old can wilfully vomit.

that being said, if you solve your fussy eater problem (while maintaining good nutrition) you deserve a medal. I certainly would if I do the same with mine.

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2014 23:11

Has she eaten it before and enjoyed it?

Don't get me wrong, I don't pander to fussy eaters but if she hasn't eaten it before, perhaps she really really didn't like it but felt under pressure?

Sometimes it's not flavours that make you gag, but textures if that makes sense?

Whiskwarrior · 12/10/2014 23:12

My youngest DS is 6 and we have real issues with his fussiness. And sometimes he gags on his food. I've never taken it as a slight. He has problems with certain textures and will chew his food for ages, until it's basically liquid, before swallowing.

Could this be the case with your DD? Plus, she's only tiny still - she'll grow out of it as she gets older.

UltraNumb · 12/10/2014 23:13

some times things just make you gag.

i love sweet and sour chicken, haven't found a version i dont like, until i tried the uncle bens rice pot version of it, smelled a bit sickly, but as soon as i tried to eat it, i gagged and vommed it back up.

don't be offended, obviously something in it, the smell/texture just got her gag reflex.

thereturnofshoesy · 12/10/2014 23:13

wow poor girl
she didn't like it.
she proved that

Lottiedoubtie · 12/10/2014 23:13

3 1/2? Poor kid. She didnt like her food, did as she was told anyway, then threw up because she didnt like it that much and you're offended??

hollie84 · 12/10/2014 23:14

She was struggling to force down something she didn't like/want so she could have some ice cream, gagged and the gagging made her vomit. I wouldn't be offended, but I would rethink making pudding a prize.

UltraNumb · 12/10/2014 23:17

btw, my son has sensory issues, especially around eating. i would never try and make him eat something that makes him gag, because it'd just create problems with the next meal.

and you should never, ever use pudding as a reward in fussy eaters.

MyFairyKing · 12/10/2014 23:18

How can you be offended by an involuntary bodily reflex?! Poor kid, she's only little.

Didactylos · 12/10/2014 23:22

I am not a fussy eater (quite the reverse) but even as a kid would gag and vomit up anything with mushrooms in it - even if I was hungry and really looking forward to the meal. Its something about the texture/taste combination that sets me off - I cannot explain it - as an adult I have tried to eat them as I don't like being fussy or complaining if I am served an inadvertent mushroom meal but its so far been totally intractable.
I wonder if she has a similar sensory thing - is this something she repeats for effect on everything except chocolate or is there a common factor to when she gets 'fussy'?
and at least she tried it when you asked her

writtenguarantee · 12/10/2014 23:23

Whilst others seem to side with the child, as a parent of a fussy eater, I feel for you. it's such a losing battle. as a parent, you feel a duty to get something healthy in there, and they just don't get it.

FunkyBoldRibena · 12/10/2014 23:24

I cant stand mushrooms. Yuk.

writtenguarantee · 12/10/2014 23:25

am not a fussy eater (quite the reverse) but even as a kid would gag and vomit up anything with mushrooms in it

mushrooms! me too. exactly the same for me (not fussy, but hated mushrooms). i have learned to tolerate mushrooms, but still would prefer food without.

however, with my kid it's every veggie. I wouldn't care if she hated this or that, but everything?

Original poster
afussyphase · 12/10/2014 23:25

Well, I did acknowledge that it is childish to feel offended :)
This definitely confirms my dislike of using dessert as a reward.

Now that several people have mentioned it I think textures might be a problem. She tends to like food with very simple textures (so she'll eat a pureed spinach soup happily enough, but would never in a million zillion years eat cooked spinach with the same flavours).
She's never, ever gagged like that before.
Thanks Whiskwarrior. I really hope she'll grow out of it. Had the fear struck into me some months ago by those threads about adult fussy eaters and how everyone found them so infuriating!

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 12/10/2014 23:26

Yes YABU

UltraNumb · 12/10/2014 23:26

written, my ds is 8, i've been dealing with his 'cant eat/wont eat' food issues for 8yrs, there have been weeks when he was just living off toast and a particular oat and raisin cookie.

its hell, its daily hell, and its absolutely exhausting and soul sucking, and you wish you could shake them and make them understand they NEED to eat something, ANYTHING... but in the end, you can't be offended by a 3yo who vomits after gagging on something.

if i got offended every time my ds refused something i'd cooked, i'd have a permanent catsbum mouth, because its almost every single day of my life.

Original poster
afussyphase · 12/10/2014 23:29

Oh yes - she will decide she doesn't like something without trying it. We have tried to some extent to have a 'you must at least try everything' -- try meaning a tiny, tiny lick or even a sniff. When she finally tried whipped cream it was really funny because actually she loved it. So she did get at least one positive food experience from being pushed to try things.
Sigh. It is not just something she plays up sometimes. It is very, very consistent. And it's not just healthy things, though mainly; she is not at all fond of chocolate cake (has to be vanilla), same with ice cream.
I'm sure my mother thought I was terribly fussy (but in my defence she did make some classic 70s atrocities featuring canned mushroom soup. Badly.). And I love healthy food now.

OP posts:
Darkandstormynight · 12/10/2014 23:30

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, but I understand why. I too have had dc kind of gag at something that I've made, but when I really separate the event from my feelings, it wasn't that it tasted bad, it was texture that dc couldn't handle. Though I did feel a bit offended - dc was older too, I think with your dd's young age, it's easier for (you) to understand these things not take it personally.

I do remember being much older than 3.5 and gagging on some vegetable my parents absolutely made me eat. I didn't want to gag, it just happened, and boy did that fuel the fire.

MairyHoles · 12/10/2014 23:31

I'm the parent of a fussy eater so can sympathise. However, when I was young we ate what was put in front of us. Once my mum made a lentil loaf, I must have been about 10. I said I didn't like it, she conceded that it was a culinary fail, she said she wouldn't make it again, but I still had to eat my tea. I vomited all over the kitchen table, I can still taste that awful texture and it's making me dry heave thinking about it. I'm not a fussy eater at all, that's the only time I literally couldn't keep it down. I remember being mortified cos my sister had a friend to tea.

If it's only happened once I would just leave it, don't be offended, don't make it again!

Original poster
afussyphase · 12/10/2014 23:31

:) @ UltraNumb, sorry you've had years of this! I accept I would BU to continue to be offended. Y'all have cured me of the offendedness and I am now officially over it. She is of course adorable sleeping with her little yellow teddy. Sigh.

OP posts:
123upthere · 12/10/2014 23:32

Poor kid. You need to step away from this battle I'm afraid. She's 3.5 FFs.

Original poster
afussyphase · 12/10/2014 23:33

Ack, MairyHoles that sounds dreadful. I firmly hope that the memory of my nice green lasagne does not last for decades.

OP posts: