to be really miffed and maybe a little offended at this fussy eater?

[afussyphase]

Ironic given my NN (which is taken from an annoying comment my own mother made once) .. I actually can't believe this happened.
DD2 has always been a fussy eater. I'm against using sweets as a bribe and we don't usually do it, but today I commented that we wouldn't be having ice cream unless we (each) had eaten a healthy meal. I had made a (very lovely IMO) veg lasagne with greens, pesto, nice and creamy, mild... all flavours she likes except the greens.
She was giving it a go, reluctantly, and she ate a bit and then she started doing this theatrical-seeming gagging thing. So I said to take small bites etc. And she ACTUALLY VOMITED a bit of it back up.
Now, my mother is, shall we say, not interested in cooking and has come up with some really humdingers in her day but I NEVER actually hurled anything back up just because I didn't like it. DD is 3 1/2 and is otherwise well. No vomit bugs etc; ate some carrots, nuts and eventually a few bites of ice cream no problem.
DH loved the lasagne. DD1 (6) thought it was OK. It was BY NO MEANS revolting. And, childish though it is, I am actually kind of a little offended. Talk about all the efforts of mothering going down the drain. Hmph.

If you've got leftovers, you could try her with some of it puréed tomorrow? You never know, it could be the temporary answer to a temporary problem! Let's hope so, anyway :)

Pre-empting the spate of "Children must eat what they're told to" replies that may appear tomorrow - I'm of the generation that was forced to eat everything I was given, no matter how disgusting I found it or how fiercely I was made to. It was AWFUL and I count it among the abuse I suffered. I'll make separate meals for different eaters, and am totally unapologetic.

Seriously 123. It has gotten out of hand. But it's not clear how to step away entirely; we can't "step away" from her health.

:)

making a variation on a theme of flavours you know they like is always a gamble.

i made the mistake of switching lasagne sheets for macaroni pasta a few weeks ago.. oh.my.god. all hell broke loose. How DARE i mess with something he liked....

he still asks me if its my 'normal' lasagne and pokes it suspiciously!

I am so grateful I don't have fussy children. I am aware that I only don't by the luck of the draw, and it is nothing I have done or haven't done.

The patience shown on this thread is humbling, I would not react well if my children turned their noses up at something I have prepared with love.

You are better parents than me, so I applaud your efforts and have nothing more to add

best piece of advice my sons gp gave us, at this age, its more important that they eat, feed them what they like, you can work on variety later when they're of an age to reason.

i'm an expert in hiding things in spaghetti sauce.. its amazing what veggies you can blend into that ;)

Hm, Garlic, I wasn't quite in that situation but to some extent that was the way it was. Maybe part of my attitude is left over from that generation, and I could liberate us from this battle by just accepting it and letting her eat what healthy foods she does like, without apology to imagined judges of my parenting skills ... As long as the separate meals don't take too much extra time and effort (and after all, how long do crackers and cream cheese with carrot and apple slices take?) maybe I should just go with it. Do you do it every day?
I have, in the past, pureed a cashew and ginger stir-fry. Successfully. At least DD1 announced that it was delicious post-puree ... DD2 was only lukewarm on it.

Right, off to bed. These delightful fussy little people who live in my house will be up early awaiting toasted bagels, which they reliably eat, very early. Thanks all. Damn lasagne.

Ha, mine love toasted bagels too! Especially the cinnamon and raisin ones or the plain ones with peanut butter.

Bagels are lovely but such a faff to do, with their stupid hole in the middle that you have to butter around carefully.

Grrrr

I live with this day in day out with DS, who is 10 and has AS/sensory issues, not gagging, but extreme fussiness, so I do sympathise, it is demoralising, but key really is not to take it personally. I'm quite happy to dish up a variety of things to eat for different people if it means a happy family sat round the table together eating willingly.

i like toasted warburtons teacakes, trying to get my two to try them, seeing how they eat tea cakes and toast. toasting the tea cakes seems to be a bit of a blind spot.

By the sounds of it, only from what you've posted, mealtimes are not a relaxed affair as your anxiety towards your 3 yr old doing what you tell her to do is creating all sorts of unnecessary food battles.

You are the adult so you can change this - her health will not suffer if she refuses a spinach lasagne. Work our what kid food she does eat and sort out her association with having to sit with you at the table and see you get angry. My mother did this. Mealtimes were hellish.

Just trying to help you see that your behaviour more than the food is creating a bigger problem here for all of you.

Relax tomorrow put out cereal for breakfast drink your coffee with them hot dogs and salad for dinner and

hug them laugh with them and chat to them.

Then they'll forget what they're eating

My DS tried this on sometimes beginning about that age. We mostly ignored and worked around it. If it was a food he has eaten in the past, he would be told off and expected to eat it. If a new food, we would remove without comment. He does have food issues, we have tried to just work slowly to expand his range. He does eat well, just not what people expect of a kid.

One day last year (he is 7 ) he caught me on a day full of stress and hormones and SAD and i yelled. How dare he behave so meanly! As if i would ever give him anything that would actually make him ill! I am his mommy, and even if it is not a food he especially likes, nothing i would ever give him would ever be something he would be sick over and he was hurting my feelings to act like it would! There may gave also been slamming of utensils and my hands on the table.

So, that much took about 30 seconds and I realized i was about to cry and/or start being my dad (abusive) so i had to get away and went to the other room and slammed the door. Itwas awful to have let loose on him. When I calmed down, i remember making a new plate for hime apologized and he asked to have Gregory The Terrible Eater read to him and I felt soooo bad. And the next day I made sure to serve a completely DS approved supper.

But you know what? He has never done that since.

The same message, delivered more gently, might helpful. And the Gregory book might be useful. He is a goat that wants to eat things like Toast and Orange juice for breakfast, this worries his parents.

OK, Op, glad you have found a new perspective on it.

Many, many 3 year olds just ARE fussy. they grow out of it. Most children do not like cooked spinach.

Don't force her to eat, don't ever mention pudding in advance, don't mention 'healthy' (I read an article last week about research that demonstrates that any moral label like that immediately makes a food less attractive) just relax. Just relax, confidently serve normal nice food, all enjoy it together, maybe go as far as giving your DD1 a few tasty morsels off your plate so that she wants some too just so as not to be left out...but if not don't push it.

Also I find asking them on way to school what they'd like for dinner is very revealing

So I tweak it a little and they get roughly what they asked for depending on if I have it in the fridge. They also hear me say ooh I'll have to go to get that tomorrow in the shop, just gobble this up for now. So tell me, how was your teacher today then'

And so on

From the way you've worded the thread title, I thought this was going to be about an adult. Remember she's still little. DS used to work himself up into such a state at this age that he would gag and be sick. I don't think he had a lot of control over the working up thing (but maybe if I'd been a better parent I would have done) and the gagging thing just followed on from that. Doesn't happen any more- was a phase, and hopefully will be for you too.

3 1/2? Poor kid. She didnt like her food, did as she was told anyway, then threw up because she didnt like it that much and you're offended??

I used to be made to eat food I disliked. I would gag. I still do and I still hate it.
It ruined many mealtimes for me and I don't understand why parents do it. You cannot force someone to like something.

I could liberate us from this battle by just accepting it and letting her eat what healthy foods she does like, without apology to imagined judges of my parenting skills

I'd go with that thought.

God, it's hard not to take it personally isn't it?

I always make sure there is something at the table that my kids will eat and let them get on with it. So if I make something new that they won't try or don't enjoy, they can have some bread and butter (for example), still share a meal with the family but without the drama, hopefully. It seems to work, my 3 DC have each gone through phases of being terribly fussy but I've steadfastly refused to make a thing out of it.

I was brought up in a "you can't leave the table unless you clear your plate" household with I think has left me with some very poor habits and attitudes towards food. i really don't want to do that to my children.
How much food are you putting on the plate, if that's not a daft question? What I have found with all my children is that at various times being presented with a full plate seems overwhelming. Mealtimes seemed to go better if I made a kind of picnic dinner that they could help themselves to. I think they felt a bit more in control and in the end ate better and with more variation than they would have done otherwise.
Anyway, in spite of or because of my approach (and I've no idea which) my DC are now 8, 12 and 14 and will usually at least try new things and have a reasonably varied palate. DD2 at 12 still finds herself completely overwhelmed by large plates of food so I give her a small plateful to start with seconds an option if she feels like it and we ask for starter size meals when we go out which has helped a lot.
As for the dessert issue, we don't really do dessert in this house unless it's a special occasion or we have people over so there was never an opportunity to use it as an incentive or punishment. Probably a good thing now I look back on it.

Have to agree with the people speculating that it was a problem with texture. Possibly some reassurance...I was an unbelievably fussy eater, and my mother needed the patient of a saint. Now, I'm a real foodie. Though I still find the texture of mushrooms makes me gag. Eurgh.

I once gagged and regurgitated a tomato after being forced to eat it at a friend's house. It's more about texture I think. I am a pretty varied eater now but I would definitely throw up if someone forced me to eat a banana. I'm 33!

I would not react well if my children turned their noses up at something I have prepared with love.

Oh for heavens sake! It is nothing to do with 'turning their noses up' at food you 'lovingly' prepared.

As a child I was forced to eat cauliflower, (no matter how lovingly prepared) even though I stated many many times that I didn't like the way it felt/tasted in my mouth, so I say please be careful. I would sit & gag while eating it. Every. Mouthful.

I don't know if I ever threw it up, but I have very vivid memories of being made to sit at the table on a regular basis & being made to eat this fucking vegetable that I hated! While gagging, with tears streaming down my face. As I got older, I stuffed it in my pockets while she wasn't watching.

I'm not a fussy eater but I once vomited up my grannies mac&cheese she was very offended everyone else liked it! I thought it was rank but was trying to force it down and pretend it was fine.
Still to this day I can only eat my own mac&cheese.

Yeah she just doesn't like your lasagna. I have a fussy eater, not the end of the world. Keep offering the chance to eat new stuff but don't force. She's only little.

FWIW, I was incredibly fussy, literally would eat eggs, beans, spaghetti bolognaise, chips, and macaroni cheese until I was about 8. I eat everything apart from offal now.

No need for the different.

I am saying I would be pissed off if perfectly good food was refused. I am aware that that is my problem, and some kids are just fussy, but that is how I would feel.

Every need after I read it, because you made it sounds like it was some kind of personal attack on you & your time spent making food.

Which it isn't! A 3yr old doesn't have that much forethought.

When I was at school they served tinned fruit cocktail which I loathed. There was a beige coloured fruit that used to make me gag. The dinner lady insisted I had to eat it and I threw up all over her skirt

Ds2 has issue with texture. I persisted (everything was a battle at that point) and the result was a child of three who could vomit at will. He used to do it when he was bored in the end. Nightmare.