to be really miffed and maybe a little offended at this fussy eater?

[afussyphase]

Ironic given my NN (which is taken from an annoying comment my own mother made once) .. I actually can't believe this happened.
DD2 has always been a fussy eater. I'm against using sweets as a bribe and we don't usually do it, but today I commented that we wouldn't be having ice cream unless we (each) had eaten a healthy meal. I had made a (very lovely IMO) veg lasagne with greens, pesto, nice and creamy, mild... all flavours she likes except the greens.
She was giving it a go, reluctantly, and she ate a bit and then she started doing this theatrical-seeming gagging thing. So I said to take small bites etc. And she ACTUALLY VOMITED a bit of it back up.
Now, my mother is, shall we say, not interested in cooking and has come up with some really humdingers in her day but I NEVER actually hurled anything back up just because I didn't like it. DD is 3 1/2 and is otherwise well. No vomit bugs etc; ate some carrots, nuts and eventually a few bites of ice cream no problem.
DH loved the lasagne. DD1 (6) thought it was OK. It was BY NO MEANS revolting. And, childish though it is, I am actually kind of a little offended. Talk about all the efforts of mothering going down the drain. Hmph.

Like I said, I am lucky enough that it doesn't happen in this house.

YANBU to be a bit miffed, but...I remember being sick (really not on purpose) when forced to eat a tomato. I was a fussy eater and for me it was about texture. I grew out of it, and I don't think I was being awkward, was just genuinely very sensitive.

I think giving children the 'prize' of a pudding straight away is wrong as they know they can fill up on that. Perhaps saying a week of healthy meals and then pudding after 7 days.

I think you need to step back OP

I had a fussy eater, he had a "thing" about textures and could/woudl not eat lots of things.

By steeping back, giving him normal food, and offering vegetables/something new on a regular basis, involving him in cooking, he has started branching out. Now he eats almost everything.

Piling on pressure, in any way, is soooo counterproductive (as you have seen).

I understand feeling offended a bit when your lovingly cooked for is spurned though.

I was horribly fussy as well when younger.
Much better now of course.
I must admit though, peppers still make me gag massively, and I'm mid 40's!

I'm another one who doesnt understand why people think children should be force fed things they genuinely don't like - I as an adult would never eat anything I don't like eg tomatoes and I hate the fashion to be labelled "fussy" as an adult just because you don't eat the same as the next person. We all like different things.

As someone who has suffered with an eating disorder since 18 months old the op has wound me up!

My eating disorder is basically "fussy eating" that a lot of children go through but it has carried into adulthood and is an extreme version.
It makes meal time a nightmare or an unpleasant experience at best!

I can't imagine a child would intentionally gag and throw up just to cause trouble or to tell you your meal wasn't the best!

I've read a few comments on here that have been completely unsympathetic that suggest the child is doing it intentionally and how terrible it is for you op but I can tell you first hand it's a hell of a lot worse for the child so try your best to be patient and to understand. Hopefully this will just be a phase that will pass, I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

Just to add: she wil grow out of it, keep your sense of humour and don't make dinner time a stressed affair.

I have a fussy 3.5 year old, I just don't make an issue out of it. I dont use pudding as a bribe, or make a big deal out of the fussiness.

Some textures also make him gag. The majority of them grow out of it, however her trying to eat something thats making her gag and throw up so she can have ice cream is not going to help her fussiness

I would gag on the greens, too. Too many childhood memories of having to sit there until I had finished them. Never did. Vile food.

Poor little girl. Pesto would make me gag and I'm not 3.

I had a fussy eater who would have thrown up in the plate had I forced him to something he didn't like. I just gave him what he would eat.

Food battles aren't worth fighting.

I had an incredibly fussy eater.

Turned out he had reflux and posterior tongue tie. The back of his tongue was tied down and it was impossible for him to chew and swallow properly. He was up for trying all sorts of new things. He would say mmm as soon as he tasted it but then reject it when he tried to swallow.

Certain textures made him gag. Stringy things like sweet potato or unchopped spinach as well as any meat that was not super soft.

We had his ties revised a couple of years back and his eating has improved massively.

I am not suggesting that every fussy child has a tongue tie but physical factors should be considered. No amount of 'he'll eat when he is hungry' would have made his tongue move properly and I feel very sorry for fussy kids who have genuine problems eating which are being ignored

Don't worry too much fussyphase - DS went through a weird phase of only wanting broccoli, sausages, marmite and banana sandwiches and petit filous. As soon as he started nursery and had lunches he was fine. At 12 he now eats pretty much anything I put in front of him - including sushi!
Keep trying to encourage some variety - there is nothing worse than fussy eating (I will get shot down in flames for saying it but fussy eating and shyness in adults is just bloody rude).
That said DSC (8&6) are a ruddy nightmare to feed - but I am convinced that is a control thing as they will love something one day and the next will cry over it and refuse to eat it to the point of all out screaming tantrums if alternatives are not offered. DH and I are trying not to cave, but there are emotional abuse issues with their mother so it is difficult.

Ds is 2.5 and a very fussy eater. I find the amount of love and effort you put into a meal is proportional to the speed and disgust with which it is rejected. Never mind, it sounded lovely to me.

Really

She's just a kid. The more fuss you make about dinner the more it becomes a control issue and you have battle on your bands that you will not win.

It's not important that she eats lasagne with spinach no matter how long you spent making it.

I have a fussy eater. In fact I have two. One has a DX of ASD and one is being assessed.
I have a list of things they will eat. It is very small and very specific.
I try to be very relaxed about it. Somebody somewhere told me about shared responsibility where I decide what the meal will be and they decide if they will eat it.
DD is the worst.... she loves Yorkshire puddings and she loves sausages. You'd think toad in the hole would be a hit? No. She only loves the frozen yorkies. Mine is not right.
A couple of years/ago she loved macaroni cheese. She was going to a friend's for tea so they, knowing what she's lime, asked what to feed her. I said macaroni cheese. Big mistake. Huge. Now she won't eat my macaroni cheese because it might taste wrong like the one X made.
DS pokes suspiciously at things. It makes me/want to weep but I try to keep it inside.
Given a choice DD would live on tuna mayo sarnies.
DS would live on pizza.

Sorry but I think yabvu and I feel a little sorry for your dd.

I doubt that she was putting on the gagging and certainly not the being sick. And to be honest I can see why a child wouldn't want to eat a veggie lasagne with pesto and greens.

If I were you I would just serve up a small portion for fussy 3 year olds, usually have a bit of bread or salad on the table too. If she won't eat her dinner then fine but there's nothing else afterwards.

Oh and she will grow out of it, ds is 6 and eats a much wider variety of foods now than when he was 3.

He's much less keen on green veg and salad than he is pizza and pasta but I it's just not worth stressing over.

I usually love my food and there is very little I dislike (apart from overt junk - though there are some exceptions there, too). All the same, there are some foods that I can't help but gag on - notably stringy vegetables such as runner beans and mange tout.

DS2 can't eat pasta, he's even tried some that he's loved the taste of put it in his mouth, said "yum" then promptly gagged and spat it out, once he's chewed into it.

If you're offended by your DD's behaviour, then you're on the road to martyrdom, really.

I can't eat pesto it makes me gag, it smells like sick.

pesto also makes me gag - I am one of the pine nut syndrome sufferers... I know it will mean 2 weeks of constant metallic taste 2 days down the line - so would instinctively gag to try not to taste or ingest it.
(upset my mum no end one day when she stirred some into pasta and I spat it out on my plate without thinking - I was 34!!)

I wouldn't take it as a personal slight. There are foods that make me gag and I'm a grown-up. Children are allowed not to like some food. I wouldn't force her to eat something she doesn't like as it may give her a long life dislike for it.

I used to be made to eat food I disliked. I would gag. I still do and I still hate it. It ruined many mealtimes for me and I don't understand why parents do it. You cannot force someone to like something.

I know of some pretty extreme parents. One I know of made kids finish their meals no matter how long it took (3-4 hours sometimes). That's over the top.

For me and my fussy kid, the problem is that she eats almost nothing healthy. The rule in our house is that she has to try the food, but doesn't need to eat it if she doesn't like it. She actually is that bad on trying things However, she likes so few things that we struggle to give her healthy meals. So, fussy is one thing. Fussy to the point where you basically only eat crackers is another. I would totally agree it's wrong to force your child to eat food, but she needs to expand her acceptable menu too.

it smells like sick.

that's the cheese (parmesan usually.

I'd have gagged on the pesto. I'm a 43 yo non-fussy eater. There is never any excuse for it, it should be banned!