to not understand grave photos?

[desperatedoll]

I can't tell if I'm being really insensitive. And yes photo I'm referring to is on fb. I can't believe my eyes. There's a picture of a grave covered in flowers and the pictures on the tombstones are of two elderly people. Around it are 16 or 17 family members looking as if they are at a rave. One is wearing a cartoon wooly jumper. One has on a bright pink leopard print onesie. There is a baby in the photo and four or five other kids and person posting the picture has commented how much fun they had. Aibu to think it's a bit weird or am I being super insensitive? I mean it's just so undignified. I don't get it.

I completely agree with you, I see more and more grave photos appearing on Facebook and I find it incredibly morbid. Maybe it's my family don't do cemeteries, but instead cremate and scatter in nice place, I just don't get it. Each to their own I suppose, but to me it's very poor taste.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable sorry. why should graves be sad things? perhaps they were celebrating a birthday and wanted to share it with their relatives? I take dd up to "see" her grandma every so often as it's important that dd knows about mil and that going to the cemetery isn't a frightening experience

It's not something I would do but unless it was my family then it wouldn't bother me to see the picture.

Lots of things on facebook aren't to my taste .

Oh I very occasionally post a photo of my dd's grave, normally at christmas or her birthday. To capture and remember what special things we've left there, a christmas tree or a flower arrangement I've made her or something her big sister made for her. Sometimes my other children will be in the photo too. I never thought people would think me strange and morbid....

ODFO

Mind your own business. It has nothing to do with you.

Chipping if it's plastered all over Facebook then they are making it everyone else's business are they not?

I don't understand it at all? And don't get me started on road side shrines, they are just awful IMO.

whatevertheweather , most people won't think it's weird or morbid at all .
I don't do it but I always feel quite honoured if someone shares one of these pics with me . Sadly I have seen too many of them but it isn't the picture that makes me sad it is the fact that the person has died that makes me sad.

Would the picture have been more acceptable to you if they were all wearing black and had sad faces ?

uncalled for chipping

There's nothing really dignified about death to be honest. Considering that it's going to happen to all of us, it's never really discussed, so why not share?

People grieve in different ways. It's not about you and how you feel seeing a picture.

Fwiw I hope people visiting me don't all mope around. I'd be laughing from. Beyond the grave at anyone turning up In a bright pink onesie! ! Be exactly the kind a crap I'd want people to carry on doing if that's who they were.

Aren't they just?

How thoughtless of those people to go and die in road traffic accidents.

Chuh. Shouldn't be allowed.

my mums sister often asks how the grave is doing, it allows you to plant things each year it is different. facebook is the only way I speak to her never considered people would think I was morbid

People deal with grief in different ways, just because this isn't how you'd celebrate the life of a loved one doesn't mean that it's not 'right' that others choose a different way.

Other cultures make it more of a celebration.

So in that respect, I think you abu being 'judgy' just because it's something you wouldn't do.

I have some fb friends who remember an anniversary of a loved one by posting a picture of their headstone, I never give it a thought whether it's right or wrong, that's their way of dealing with it.

wheresthelight No, I don't think it's uncalled for. How other people grieve is up to them. Their way isn't mine, but they are entitled to it.

Jelly just because it's on facebook doesn't mean someone has to make it all about them which is what a thread like this does. It doesn't affect the OP personally, she just thinks it's undignified.

What an awful thing to mention (road side shrines) Do you feel the same about the 9/11 'shrine' for example?

I don't know how I feel about it tbh.

My cousin took loads of photos when everyone got together to scatter my nanna's ashes and put them on Facebook. I found it really crass and distasteful then, and very undignified. And my nanna would have hated it. Then again she would have also hated people getting tattoos (which she couldn't abide) in memory of her too.

I suppose I kind of think each to their own, as long as those that do it or post it are immediate family. I held a memorial service for my brother a month after he died and we had some group photos of my dad's family. We're all scattered all over the place and it was the first time in my life we've all been together so I'm glad it was captured. Don't suppose I could give a fuck if other people find it weird really.

The Romans used to have annual picnics at the family tomb.

I know right, people should just keep their grief to themselves and stop inflicting it on everyone else, it just plain selfish to try and somehow keep the memory of someone you love alive

I think it's quite a nice thing to do. Celebratory (the photos of all the family at a grave).
It wouldn't annoy me if I saw it on FB, or make me think it was odd in any way.

No I don't think you are weird whatever or strange or morbid. I think you are acknowledging and remembering someone.

It's not what they are doing that makes me feel uncomfortable, I think it's the way it's portrayed over fb. I visit my nan and take flowers ect to her grave and I can see why especially if it was a child you might take pictures to help siblings remember. But this seemed more like a party (which isn't my business and is fine if that's what they want to do) I just don't understand sharing it on Facebook like it's some kind of rave. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with visiting and remembering it just seemed an odd manner to do it in.

Yabvvu people handle death in different ways. Mabey the people whose graves were in those pictures, loved a good old get together and woukd have lived their family being there by their graveside .

I think it's the way it's portrayed over fb

There's a solution to that, one I find that works 100% of the time :) Don't use facebook. If you use facebook stop whinging that people use it differently to you. Simple.

OP did you describe the clothes because you thought they would sound more uncouth and chav like?

I probably wouldn't do what they have because I never use fb unless forced to, but I can't see what they did wrong. It's not morbid and I think the contrast between life (fun cartoon jumper) and death can be quite poignant.

I love the peace and quiet of a graveyard myself and graves are invaluable when researching the old family tree.

I am not sure I would be taking and posting pics of my Ddads grave but I know my aunt has taken pics of graves to show elderly relatives the engraved headstone or their floral tributes. To each their own it is all part of the grieving and living process and we all of it differently.

Sorry..this is a tasteless and insenaitive thread IMO