to not understand grave photos?

[desperatedoll]

I can't tell if I'm being really insensitive. And yes photo I'm referring to is on fb. I can't believe my eyes. There's a picture of a grave covered in flowers and the pictures on the tombstones are of two elderly people. Around it are 16 or 17 family members looking as if they are at a rave. One is wearing a cartoon wooly jumper. One has on a bright pink leopard print onesie. There is a baby in the photo and four or five other kids and person posting the picture has commented how much fun they had. Aibu to think it's a bit weird or am I being super insensitive? I mean it's just so undignified. I don't get it.

When we buried my sister (who was 13 when she died) we all wore bright colours. As a family we went to her grave every week and on the anniversary of her death we all still go and wear bright colours. My cousin posted a photo of my sisters last anniversary as she'd come from Canada and was here to come with us. How undignified was she to wear a pair of Minnie Mouse ears that had been bought at Disney on her last holiday with my sister? How dare you judge people at a graveside. You don't know the story behind these photos or the heartache. The only undignified person in my opinion is you OP!

Generally I found it a bit odd. Until a friend of mine lost her baby son, now she has a 'birthday party' for him - he would have been 5 in june. It's lovely to see his siblings there having a picnic and balloons etc and obviously her way of celebrating his life.

Poppies, I don't think that's sick- I can understand it. I have a very precious photo of my dad in an unconscious state shortly before he died. I took it because my brother was leaning close him with a look of tenderness that I hadn't seen in him before. I have never shown the photo to anyone else, not even my OH, and I probably won't ever show it. But it is precious to me- in the same way that you describe the weeks following your dad's death. They are incredibly difficult and sad times, but they are so important in the general landscape of our lives- it makes sense to me that some of us want to be able to remember those times in detail.

Sadly, heartbreakingly I have been in the position this year where a very close family member died suddenly, alone, abroad in a road accident. His wife made the journey to see where he died, someone had left flowers. The simple act of empathy and kindness touched her and all of us and helped her through what seemed an unrelenting darkness of pain and anger.

Some people might find it morbid, unnecessary, showy etc but I never thought how much it would to someone to know that their loved one wasn't forgotten. We also took pictures of the road where he died, the street etc. I don't know if they'll ever be looked at, but they are there, saved incase she wants them.

I'd quite like some frivolity and laughter at my grave. The couple obviously did a good job in instilling a celebratory attitude towards life and death. Good for them.

This is the way the worlds going isn't it? Nothing is sacred anymore, everything is a photo/selfie opportunity and what's the point in taking any photo if you don't share it on social media?

I fear for the world if I'm honest. I can picture funeral selfies becoming a thing one day. "check my sad face out beside the hearse." Yanbu at all.

I don't see why people should wear funeral attire just to visit a grave, they'd wear their everyday clothes and the bright clothes might have a special significance, as in Fabulous46's case. And of course they would take their children, the children are family too. I don't see the problem, it's nice that the elderly couple were so loved that a lot of people visit their grave.

I posted a photo of my dad's gravestone on Facebook to commemorate the anniversary of his death, share the quote we'd had engraved and show family who wanted to see but weren't able to visit because of health or distance.

When we visit his grave, of course there's always an element of sadness but he's buried in a beautiful rural woodland burial ground so it can also be a nice family day out, which is what he would have wanted. We've taken a picnic before and drunk a toast to him. People grieve differently.

I do this occassionally. A pictre of the grandchild my mum never met on Mothers Day at the grave for example. If people want to judge than go ahead defriend me. Incidently it is also so family living further away can see that we have put flowers down for anniversary etc.

Jelly, a road side 'shrine' is not usually a place relatives of the deceased visit. My brother died in a RTA and others have left something where it happened. They wanted it acknowledged that someone special to them, a living person with friends and family, likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams took their last breath there. That was literally the last place he was alive, and if they wanted it marked with a cross or some flowers, why the hell not? I don't think you can honestly say what you would do unless you were in that situation, and I hope you never are. Also, police will remove any objects that are deemed to be distracting or dangerous to other road users so that's not really a valid point unless you're one of those drivers who break their necks to have a good look when you spot flowers at the side of the road?

Jelly, a road side 'shrine' is not usually a place relatives of the deceased visit. My brother died in a RTA and others have left something where it happened. They wanted it acknowledged that someone special to them, a living person with friends and family, likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams took their last breath there. That was literally the last place he was alive, and if they wanted it marked with a cross or some flowers, why the hell not? I don't think you can honestly say what you would do unless you were in that situation, and I hope you never are. Also, police will remove any objects that are deemed to be distracting or dangerous to other road users so that's not really a valid point unless you're one of those drivers who break their necks to have a good look when you spot flowers at the side of the road?

Yes, how undignified to parade the fact that people die.
How undignified to not pack that grief away in a box so no one has to see it.

Everyone deals with loss in their own way. There is no right or wrong.
You do what feels right for you.

I am with Chipping on this. Yabu

We meet at my nieces grave and drink Cava on her birthday.All her friends come to remember her. Her sister shares the photos on social media.

If that offends anyone then frankly they can get fucked.

RaisingMen, I visit a roadside shrine of my friend who jumped off a motorway bridge.

I leave flowers there as I find it comforting. It is my way of coming to terms with the loss of a lovely guy who died too young.

I have no intention of distracting any road users or possibly causing an accident.

It helps me to cope.

Until he died I always found those roadside shrines a bit pointless, but I never understood them until my friend killed himself.

It was my mums funeral last Friday we were in the limousine following the hearse: myself, ds1 (17) and ds2 (11).

Silently driving along, us in the back, mum in the hearse in front gliding along.

Ds2 suddenly blurts out " it's dead quiet in here isn't it?"

Myself and his big brother turn slowly to look at him- ds2 blushes to the tips of his ears - then we all fell about laughing!!

Mum would have loved it!

Posters have said it fairly eloquently already but people express grief in many ways...

That sounds lovely, Usual.

Thanks, Randall. She loved to party and she loved Cava.

It's how we deal with losing her. Now I'm hiding this thread because it's annoying me.