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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The mum in the NCT group with the incredibly advanced child...

104 replies

flingingmelon · 10/10/2014 18:29

I already know I'm being really unreasonable but I just fancied a whinge.

It's Friday night and I have a headache. Mother of Incredibly Advanced Child has just sent all the other mums in the group a video of IAC doing something the average child would only just be able to manage in another six months or so. This is a regular occurrence.

I know she's proud, we're all proud. I'm proud of my son's 'dancing.' I just wish she'd tell us about something IAC is rubbish at, just for a change.

Just to say, I'm not comparing my PFB to hers, he's way cuter

OP posts:

Mrsstarlord · 10/10/2014 20:24

Well I'm proud because my son who is 9 has just drawn a fab picture of the plant from plants versus Zombies which involves lots of circles and curved lines. He has SEN and until this week has struggled to draw anything except straight lines. I am soooooo proud of him.

But I do get jealous sad sometimes when people talking about how advanced their kids are, I remember my friend coming into work and talking about how her son had been practising his 7 times tables in the car, my son (same age) was practising saying 'Sp'. Don't get me wrong, I love my son to absolute bits and I smile about it but sometimes it's a melancholy smile.

Anyway, my son is a drawing genius!!!!

Chippednailvarnish · 10/10/2014 20:27

Following on from countess my DS walked at 7 months, could say the alphabet forwards and backwards at 2 and was reading before reception ( he's August birthday).

He was bored witless at school for the first two years, then he started to massively play up, struggled to make friends in his own age group and has suspected ADD and processing issues.

Op bask in the glow of her bragging as there might come a time she realises that everything has a flip side [knacked smiley]!

Genesgirl · 10/10/2014 20:34

Ah OP I feel for you I really do. I could have written your post a few years back and really understand. My (gorgeous since you ask :-)) DS1 who was last to speak, last to walk and addicted to his dummy six years ago and I was SO, SO worried at that time comparing him to all my other baby group friends' babies who at that time had been walking/babbling for six months and would have spat out dummies is now one of the top in his class, is two years advanced for his age in reading and writing and I am very very proud but still don't share this in RL except with his GPs. In summary, there are always IME some mummies who share this and don't seem to think outside their own world. Tis the same at playgroup, school and I suspect when they get to work too. Enjoy your little one...but I do understand and am with you :-)

MiaowTheCat · 10/10/2014 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raltheraffe · 10/10/2014 20:40

I really feel sorry for this child.

Alwayswiththechords · 10/10/2014 20:52

My PFB is IAC but I try to remain modest about it.

BerylStreep · 10/10/2014 20:54

Aeroflot, I wanted to share that I had very delayed speech when I was young, and when I did decide to talk, it was in my own made up language which no-one except my sister understood (not even my parents).

I didn't really speak properly until I was 7.

I now have a Masters degree (with distinction), and am at a very senior level in my profession. Ironically, one of my strengths is public speaking and I do really well in media interviews.

Don't give up hope. One of the things that I think really helped my confidence was going to a drama group as a teen.

OddFodd · 10/10/2014 20:57

No one is interested in what your child is doing Miaow. Honestly.

The only people who give a shit about what their child is doing are the child's parents and possibly the GPs. Other than that, no one needs to know. Sending other people videos of your PFB's progress is just teeth-crunchingly dreadful.

And any NCT group that does this needs to think again. No one knows whether their child will have SN or not and this kind of competitive milestoning just rubs it in to parents who may be struggling with anxiety about their child's development.

And yes, my DS does have SN before you ask. And this would have been absolutely awful for me.

lightgreenglass · 10/10/2014 21:06

I know exactly how you feel and I was going to post on AIBU about it too.

I have a friend who has an 17 months old who is just starting to put 2 words together and my 13 month says words intermittently. I'm not too worried but when she asks 'so tell me about your DS development' it makes me question myself for a split second. I think it's heightened because we have different parenting styles, she thinks that my boy going to a childminder 4 days a week from 8-5.30 is horrific and doesn't do sleep training. At the end of the day my boy is a happy boy.

What makes me laugh is when she says 'there will come a point where I cannot push or stimulate him further, I don't know what I'll do.' I just nod with faux understanding.

AnguaVonUberwald · 10/10/2014 21:13

countess me too I am just very lucky that when I started worrying that he was talking to well and too formally so young I had friends who understood that I was genuinely worrying and not trying to show off by pretending to worry.

op I am not in any way saying your friend is actually worrying, just that being genuinely advanced early on can actually be a sign of significant issues.

As with countess my ds1 was highly verbal very early, to the point that strangers used to approach us in the street to comment and it was one of the early signs of his autism!

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2014 21:18

Thank you so much blink and beryl I should have known that ds takes after he. I had developmental delay, dyslexia and slow speech when I was younger, I can talk the hind leg off a donkey now,and have a Msc in Health Psychology. I was hoping he would have taken after extra academic dh. Dd who is 7 has ASD and goes to A specialist Autistic school. I am so happy for my friend, we are close, but it just highlights how slow ds is. He is a delightful little boy. Here's a photo of him.

The mum in the NCT group with the incredibly advanced child...

OddFodd · 10/10/2014 21:25

He's beautiful Aeroflotgirl :)

BerylStreep · 10/10/2014 21:26

You have a severe case of sweetiness there

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2014 21:32

Thanks everyone his laughter and smile make me feel better. He may not be the brightest tool in the box, but he's happy and healthy

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2014 21:35

Dd too

Elfina · 10/10/2014 21:40

What beautiful children! And you you forget it in the midst of it all.xx

ILovePud · 10/10/2014 21:41

Ah what cuties Aeroflotgirl, that's such an inspiring story of your own difficulties and subsequent achievement, what a nice thing to share.

OddFodd · 10/10/2014 21:43

Gosh you make beautiful children!

Aeroflotgirl · 10/10/2014 21:46

Thanks so much everyone dd is doing so well at her special school, more than we ever hoped. Her anxieties has reduced dramatically and she us able to learn in the right environment. I've given up comparing her to her peers, as her soeech therapist said she us on a different learning path. Is is about to start Brownies in November and does tap dancing with her NT peers. Her speech has really come on so fast. The why and what questions are music to my ears.

Purplepoodle · 10/10/2014 21:47

Video would piss me off. Yes her child may be amazing but do you really need it rubbed in your face, surely a fb post would suffice rather than sending it to everyone. It would have upset me deeply with first dc as turned out he has additional needs - this would have made me even more anxious

Delphiniumsblue · 10/10/2014 21:58

I would just smile and say, in a non committal way, 'I am not in a hurry, I am just enjoying the stage we are at'.

lightgreenglass · 10/10/2014 22:28

Ah but then you get met with the pity face

Aero those children of yours are cute! Glad to hear a positive story like yours.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/10/2014 22:47

Oh you get them in every walk of life. Braggers. I totally see where you're coming from.
Do they not understand that people putting it very bluntly do not G.A.F. Parents have their own children that they're proud of, and no-one cares if little Johnny said his first word at 6 months old or that little Suzie was fully potty trained day and night by the age of 1.
Some of the crap you hear is unbelievable like the mum who once told me with a flat face about her 2 kids having a fight over who had the most brocolli and here comes the real crazy part. I actually believed the lunatic.
I also think bragging is insensitive as well because you could be bragging to someone whose child has S.N.
Yes she's proud of her child but aren't we all.

SirChenjin · 10/10/2014 23:01

That Kind of Parent never, ever stops being That Kind of Parent. They're the ones posting cutesy videos of their PFB walking 3.5 weeks before they are 'meant' to, perpetually hanging about the school gates and making sure that every other parent knows that the PFB is in the top group for everything, boring everyone with tales of how talented he/she is at football/karate/wood whittling, droning on about how well they've done in their exams, how the PFB has been headhunted after they left University with a first class honours degree.....and on and on and on....

The best thing to do is to ignore them or run very fast in the opposite direction when you see them.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/10/2014 14:06

Thanks very much light , they are great kids, just ds is like a puppy at times, wizzes through the house leaving mess everywhere!

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