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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The mum in the NCT group with the incredibly advanced child...

104 replies

flingingmelon · 10/10/2014 18:29

I already know I'm being really unreasonable but I just fancied a whinge.

It's Friday night and I have a headache. Mother of Incredibly Advanced Child has just sent all the other mums in the group a video of IAC doing something the average child would only just be able to manage in another six months or so. This is a regular occurrence.

I know she's proud, we're all proud. I'm proud of my son's 'dancing.' I just wish she'd tell us about something IAC is rubbish at, just for a change.

Just to say, I'm not comparing my PFB to hers, he's way cuter

OP posts:

Laura0806 · 10/10/2014 18:52

shes not mocking her behind her back, shes just venting her irritation here. Sometimes it gets very tedious, and only gets worse at school. Im genuinely pleased for my friends whose chidlren are doing well ( not jealous at all) but sometimes its a little bit cringy and tiresome! I wouldn't dream of subjecting my friends to videos of my children doing things

Derleth · 10/10/2014 18:54

Why be irritated at all? That's the mean and churlish part of it. And on here is behind her back. Doesn't matter if she doesn't know, that's kind of the point of 'behind her back'

Elfina · 10/10/2014 18:54

kerala I think it depends in what way advanced, rolling over a bit early is not the same (IMHO) as what you're describing! Glad you're friend's daughter is doing well, and her parents are being reasonable about it. I think it's a bit crap when bright children have to keep their talents under wraps for fear of ridicule. Something similar happened. Fortunately I'm fine, but I've seen it have deleterious effects on young people and their attitude to learning and education (in my work).

fluffyraggies · 10/10/2014 18:55

OP hasn't said she has been doing anything 'behind this woman's back'. If she'd said how she and the rest of the NCT group all sit cackling together at the woman's videos i could understand the hard time the OPs getting.

FWIW there is one woman in my NCT class who comes out with stuff which makes me laugh IN MY HEAD when we meet up. She's in a terrible rush for her PFB to get to all the milestones and kind of fakes it all in a way that even she seems to believe. It appeals to my sense of humor. But i'd not say anything to anyone else in the group.

Original poster

flingingmelon · 10/10/2014 18:56

Eek, to be clear I'm very definitely not mocking her behind her back, none of the rest of the group are either.

It's just the end of a crap week and the regular videos are a little tiring. She works in a pretty competitive industry and although for the most part she is lovely, I think the competitive attitude is overdone occasionally.

I'm sure if I said something to her face she'd be mortified and stop immediately, but I don't want to hurt her feelings so I thought I be a cow on here instead

I know it'll all even out in the end.

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 10/10/2014 18:57

and if you think posting here is mean and 'going behind peoples back' - well stop reading AIBU, because most of the threads are about someone somewhere and you're happily sat reading them all!

Chandon · 10/10/2014 18:58

Just pity her quietly.

I always put my SC down a bit to my friends. Whilst secretly knowing they are clever genii , much more fun!

PS is genii the plural of genius or did I just make that up?!

Original poster

flingingmelon · 10/10/2014 18:58

Eek, to be clear I'm very definitely not mocking her behind her back, none of the rest of the group are either.

I'm sure if I said something to her face she'd be mortified and stop immediately, but I don't want to hurt her feelings so I thought I be a cow on here instead

I know it'll all even out in the end.

OP posts:

Chandon · 10/10/2014 18:59

Mock away!

CountessRosinaAlmaviva · 10/10/2014 18:59

I'm not suggesting that you say this to her, but DS was extraordinarily early in speech and reading and went on to be diagnosed with ASD and now struggles dreadfully with the social side of school and is in trouble a lot because of his behaviour issues. DD, in the other hand, was a little bit late doing everything but is very happy and content at school.

It is a bit odd to be always sending video clips though, isn't it? The only people I ever sent clips to were my parents.

Elfina · 10/10/2014 18:59

Oh gosh, so sorry OP! No, I think everyone is allowed to have a rant, that's totally reasonable! I think I misunderstood somewhere along the way. Either way, don't sweat it. She could be really insecure, or not. There's always more going on than we ca see, but don't let it affect how you see your son's lovely achievements.

Expedititition · 10/10/2014 18:59

Perhaps you shouldn't be friends with someone if you can't share the achievements of her child happily. Perhaps she thought her friends would be interested in her news. I know I am interested in the achievements of all of my friend's children. One of them could jump months before my DS. She was proud of him and so was I. I wasn't jealous that mine couldn't.

Derleth · 10/10/2014 18:59

Why do you let them bother you, OP?

It;s an NCT Group. There are going to be things shared, even videos, of children

I'm aware of the nature of AIBU, raggies, but thanks awfully

fluffyraggies · 10/10/2014 19:01

No probs :)

andsmile · 10/10/2014 19:02

Oh how annoying - wait til she gets to school gates - she'll be shunned!

Laura0806 · 10/10/2014 19:02

SO on here is behind someones back?? its anonymous, noone knows who it is. I can't see how its behind someones back or every post on here is!! The things that irritate some people don't irritate others and everyone is allowed a moan unreasonable or not and this is much fairer than with the group! Im not sure how the op's friend is doing it but in my experience it often comes with the inference of 'better than your child' and whilst from time to time its nice to hear of others achievements, if its constant it becomes tiresome

KERALA1 · 10/10/2014 19:03

Yes elfin it is different just made me think of this little girl. She is exactly the same age as dd2 who is top of her class but when we see them she talks / plays to the level of our dd1 who is 2.5 years older and pretty bright herself. Our friends are very supportive of their dd total opposite of boastful. Just incredible seeing how far ahead she is in comparison with our dd and all her friends. In a different league.

NoodleOodle · 10/10/2014 19:06

I was only joking MNers, if one of those posts was aimed at me. What exactly is an NCT group?

Laura0806 · 10/10/2014 19:07

yes sometimes its amazing. A little boy in our NCT class was like that, streets ahead of mine and others and whilst its slowed down a bit now hes still incredible.

Laura0806 · 10/10/2014 19:08

nct is the natural childbirth trust I think??

coffeeinbed · 10/10/2014 19:08

National.

Derleth · 10/10/2014 19:12

It's supposed to be where you meet women with DC of similar ages to you and make lifelong friendships in many cases.

Or they silently seethe at you telling them about your DC and take the piss on a parenting site.

One of those two, anyway.

Summerisle1 · 10/10/2014 19:13

YANBU in having a little rant. Especially if you aren't as a group, now mocking her.

I had a couple of similar friends. Fortunately the internet was yet to be widely available and the mobile phone still a concrete brick in capable of sending text messages so we were generally spared the video evidence. That didn't stop several quite gruesome tea parties where the IAC were made to perform.

All the DCs (IA and otherwise) are now in their early 30s, it's been interesting to reflect on just how irrelevant their respective abilities were as babies when knowing exactly how they've turned out now. It's fair to say that Einstein has yet to be given a run for his money...

Original poster

flingingmelon · 10/10/2014 19:17

Just thinking about some of your comments. She does have a bit of an iffy relationship with the grandparents so she is kind of using is a safe bragging zone. I should have thought of that before. I'll remember that next time.

Ah MN, what would I do without you?

Group hug

OP posts:

NerfHerder · 10/10/2014 19:17

It seems a little snide to mock her tbh. Social skills and niceties may not come easily to her. She will certainly be put in her place when said child begins school, as teachers will soon set her straight about how advanced her child actually is.

FWIW, I always felt very sorry for our NCT friend whose child walked, properly, running around etc, at just 7mo! She was always exhausted, as he was too young to have any concept of danger, so he even ran into walls etc any time she tried to meet up with people, most of whom had babies that just sat wherever you plonked them (mine included- she didn't walk until 19mo!), she struggled to actually have any conversations, or adult interaction because he was getting himself into mayhem. He was as bright as a button too, early talker, and then proceeded to talk her to death! He was adorable, but such very hard work.

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