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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to use this punishment for DD

100 replies

realitygone · 10/10/2014 08:06

I am posting here for quick honest responses.

dd is in reception, she is quite advanced for her age and acts in a very grown up way. However she seems to have lost all of her common sense sincr starting school, she has lost cardigans, tops when changing for p.e and brought home 3 plimsoles (2 hers 1 someone elses) this week she has lost another top and yesterday a cardigan.

none of these are being found, she has been told countless times to put her things in her draw when she takes them off, her teacher reminds her and she just doesn't seem to listen.

There is a club that runs once a month and is like a disco for the kids, it requires money to take with them and also changing into party clothes.

I am thinking that if I go into school this morning and don't find the cardigan that I sanction her by not allowing her to go to the club, this will hopefully hit home that she will need to start thinking a bit better. We have threatened selling her toys to pay for the missing things and she doesn't seem to care.

aibu?

OP posts:

Icelollycraving · 10/10/2014 08:09

Yabu. Seems too much to me. She may well act grown up but she's not,she's what,4/5?

wonderingsoul · 10/10/2014 08:10

YUVVU

IF SHE WAS OLDER.. MAYBE.. BUT POOR MITE HAS JUST STARTED, ITS WHAT HAPPENS AT SCHOOLS.
I THINK YOUD BE VERY CRUEL TO DO THIS.

kimlo · 10/10/2014 08:10

Yabu shes 4. Put her name in things, they all lose things.

littlemslazybones · 10/10/2014 08:10

Really? YABU. Far too harsh.

MrsHathaway · 10/10/2014 08:11

Too much. She's tiny.

"Acts in a grownup way" doesn't mean "thinks like an adult". I can't believe she can associate the cardigan with the club so it isn't a meaningful punishment.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/10/2014 08:12

Yes, YABU.

Firstly, a monthly event is too far away to be associated as a punishment for something that may have happened 28 days prior.

Additionally, she is, what, 5? Advanced or not, stop allowing that to cloud the fact that she is 5. She needs guidance and gentle reminders and a bit of slack cutting.Return any additional lost property and keep an eye out on the lost property bin regularly. Label everything to within an inch of its life.

I think the punishment you want to use is far too harsh for a primary school child.

insancerre · 10/10/2014 08:13

Yabu
She's in reception not high school

Sunflowersareblue · 10/10/2014 08:13

they ALL do it. in the first year or two my dd lost something every week. occasionally it turned up, sometimes it didn't. you do have to keep on reminding, but they really cant help it. there is so much going on it is hard at that age to keep track of everything.
dont punish, just keep reminding and eventually she'll get it.
you will be punishing her for something she cant really help so thats not fair.

DishwasherDogs · 10/10/2014 08:14

She's probably knackered, poor little thing.

None of the things you describe are naughty behaviour, so not sure why you would consider punishing her.
Why don't you check what she's got/not got when she first comes out of school?

Wolfbasher · 10/10/2014 08:15

She's just a little Reception child, I think you've lost all sense of proportion! Go and search through the lost property box. Are the clothes clearly labelled? A friend of mine found that putting massive name labels on the OUTSIDE of clothes put a stop to light-fingered parents keeping them!

wonderingsoul · 10/10/2014 08:15

also getting t he cheap jumpers/cardigans from tesco or asda that are just school colours will help.

its cheaper to replace and no one seems to take them home ethier by "mistake"

skylark2 · 10/10/2014 08:15

She's in reception. I think you need to be a bit more proactive. Do you pick her up from school? If so, don't let her come home with things which aren't hers. Check her bag outside and send her back in to deal with it. Send her back in to look if she comes out without clothes that she was wearing that morning. She will be tired and want to go home - she'll soon learn that the way to do this is to be able to take the right stuff out of her drawer.

Also could you have a word with the teacher? Say she's losing everything and ask if the teacher can call her back every time she sees her take something else off, to put it in the right place.

I'm assuming her names are in things. If not, they won't come back no matter what she does. Sorry.

Hmmmwhatnow · 10/10/2014 08:16

YABU she's what, 3 full weeks in? So this is the first of these clubs and all her new class will be going, that's awful she needs to be involved and bond don't do it!

diddl · 10/10/2014 08:18

i don't think that YABU.

It might not be her fault exactly as she is so young, but even so stuff has gone & needs replacing, so I'd probably tell her that the disco can't be afforded this time.

JubJubBirds · 10/10/2014 08:20

YABU, simply because there are more effective ways of responding to this:

It seems to me that most of the problems stem from getting changed for pe. Practise doing this at home: get a little chair and as she's getting changed show her how to drape her clothes over the chair, place her shoes onto the chair and place her bag on top of those. Then get changed again, ensuring she places each item back into the bag once its off eg, first shoe off abd into bag, next shoe off and into bag etc. She just needs to practise this until it's second nature.

You can do a similar practise with her at home. Do not hang her coat up for her any more (if you do) but allow her to be responsible for this instead. Always dress her in jumpers and cardis for a good few weeks and when she takes them off make her hang it up/put it in a drawer immediately.

There's no problem with saying, 'if you put your things away properly next week you can go to the club but if you don't then you won't.' But withholding today just based on whether you find her cardi or not wont really he as effective in the long run.

LittlePeaPod · 10/10/2014 08:20

Oh my heart goes out to her.. That's harsh for a little girl so young. YABVU Op, she's too young to be punished in this way. She's hasn't even been naughty so not sure why you would punish her anyway.

R4roger · 10/10/2014 08:20

gosh she must only have been at school a few weeks? there must be a lost property to look for clothes, are they labelled?

littlemslazybones · 10/10/2014 08:21

Where does the op suggest that she cannot afford the disco as a result of the lost clothes?

Or are you just guilt tripping the child to prove a point?

ohtheholidays · 10/10/2014 08:23

YABVU she's still so small bless her.Believe it or not there's a good chance it's not all your Daughter's fault,lots of little children that age forget where they got changed and end up taking other children's stuff home.

We've had it with all 5 of our DC and our children are giants up to they're school friends,so there's no way our children's clothes and shoes would fit the other children.

The teachers in the past have been pretty good and have managed to work out which child has taken they're stuff home.Some daft parents have even sent they're children in our children's stuff which swamped the other children so they knew it wasn't they're child's.And this is a school where none of the parents are living on the breadline so no need for free uniform for they're child.

oodlesandnoodles · 10/10/2014 08:23

I don't think YABU. It's on the harsher end of the scale but I bet it works. 5 is not too young to be taught to look after her things and put them in the place she has been given.

As a separate thing though- are you naming everything? They should almost always work their way back to you if they are named. A rummage in lost property seems imminent!

BedPig2013 · 10/10/2014 08:23

I think yabu, children lose things at school all the time, I went to pick my 9yo cousin up yesterday and she'd lost her cardi, we can all lose things at any age

gymboywalton · 10/10/2014 08:24

completely unreasonable!! she's 4! she hjas just started and is in a building with a shedload of other kids who are all wearing identical clothjes!!

give the kid a break!

LadyLuck10 · 10/10/2014 08:24

Yabu she's just a little child, she needs to get used to school first.
Oh and 'she's really advanced for her age' is something every parent thinks. No she's not she's just a child.

HighwayDragon · 10/10/2014 08:24

Dd is in reception, for 2 days in a row she 'lost' a cardigan, I sent her without one and they both miraculously turn up clearly the threat of being cold made her find them.

JubJubBirds · 10/10/2014 08:25

Btw when I suggested saying, 'if you put your things away properly next week you can go to the club but if you don't then you won't.' You will need to explain that this is because at the club she has to get changed and she isnt showing you that she is quite ready to look after her things when changing yet, but if she keeps working on it she'll soon be a superstar changer.

You need to make the link rather than use it as a punishment, otherwise there won't be much of an incentive for her.

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