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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to use this punishment for DD

100 replies

realitygone · 10/10/2014 08:06

I am posting here for quick honest responses.

dd is in reception, she is quite advanced for her age and acts in a very grown up way. However she seems to have lost all of her common sense sincr starting school, she has lost cardigans, tops when changing for p.e and brought home 3 plimsoles (2 hers 1 someone elses) this week she has lost another top and yesterday a cardigan.

none of these are being found, she has been told countless times to put her things in her draw when she takes them off, her teacher reminds her and she just doesn't seem to listen.

There is a club that runs once a month and is like a disco for the kids, it requires money to take with them and also changing into party clothes.

I am thinking that if I go into school this morning and don't find the cardigan that I sanction her by not allowing her to go to the club, this will hopefully hit home that she will need to start thinking a bit better. We have threatened selling her toys to pay for the missing things and she doesn't seem to care.

aibu?

OP posts:

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 10/10/2014 10:16

Could you make her things stand out a bit more? Maybe sew a brightly coloured ribbon into the inside collar on the cardigan or coat. Stick a bright colour stickers into her shoes. Then her things will be a little more easy for her to notice in a pile of everyone else's.

pictish · 10/10/2014 10:23

Someone at my school has had her son's polos and sweaters personalised by having his name embroidered underneath the school crest. I think it's brilliant.
I know you're not supposed to put kids names on clothes and all that...but I still think it's a good idea. No one else is going to steal and keep that item, accidentally or otherwise.

Only thing is...you can't pass them on to someone else afterwards, which our school does a lot of.

Original poster

realitygone · 10/10/2014 10:35

I think the brightly coloured name label will be a good way to go. I use white ones now, I put them right in the middle of the back bit so they are clearly seen.

OP posts:

JubJubBirds · 10/10/2014 10:36

On a practical note regarding the snacks reality (that might make your life slightly easier) she will be having milk and fruit/veg at around break time anyway so unless your DD is very hungry then sending her in a snack isnt necessary. If you do want to continue with it then perhaps send fruit/veg that doesnt require storage (carrot, apple, satsuma, etc)?

CinnabarRed · 10/10/2014 10:37

Can she take her snack in a sandwich bag marked with her name in permanent marker? Reusable (a few times) and cheaper to replace than a pot.

Phantomteadrinker · 10/10/2014 10:42

Wow. Yabu.

naturalbaby · 10/10/2014 10:45

I have a dc that looses things. I check up on him before he leaves school, at the door of the classroom - what did he take in that morning, where is it now, go look for it. I send him back into class and tell the teacher. If it has to be every day then it has to be every day. If he hasn't lost anything then he gets more time to play with his friends at the school gate.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 10/10/2014 10:55

YABU - ds is in year 3 and there are still loads of parents asking around about lost clothing!

I have been very fortunate that DS has only lost one thing in all his years but that turned out to be someone else taking it by mistake and it being in the back of their cupboard for weeks

So what works for me - on days he gets changed at school he got a sweet if he came home with all his clothes. As he never gets sweets that was treat enough. Now he is older he has just got used to being more organised and i think he automatically shoves his clothes in his bag.

DD has just started and we haven't lost anything - yet! Will have to see how we get on....

ReggieJones · 10/10/2014 10:55

These things happen at schools and it can be really tricky for staff to keep up with children's things. A few things that might help.

Involve her with packing her bag in the morning and unpacking putting stuff away at the end of the day. If shes involved in these jobs at home it might help her to take responsibility at school.

Draws are not always easy to stuff lots of things in, maybe it would be better to encourage her to put her things in a bag.

Can she read her name? Is there an easier way for her to identify her things. Maybe a coloured dot on the label or something.

Dancergirl · 10/10/2014 10:57

So her teacher is going to make sure your dd puts her things in her bag..?

Good luck with that one. Sorry OP but with 30 small children changing for PE, the clothing of one individual child is the last thing on her mind. Don't think stuff won't go missing again because it will, it's just what happens in schools. Best you can do is label inside and out as others have suggested and keep reminding your dd to TRY and keep her stuff safe.

beakerandburette · 10/10/2014 11:14

YABU she hasn't on purposely been naughty, children loose things all the time. My OH always leaves his jumpers at jobs - it happens. IMO this is not a punishable offence.

Bettercallsaul1 · 10/10/2014 11:19

That is an excellent idea Chicken - I wish I'd thought of it for my children! (It's a bit late now they're at uni!). A piece of bright red or blue ribbon would be a great identifier for a young child.

DogCalledRudis · 10/10/2014 11:24

I worked in several places where "communal" workwear and safety gear alway went walkabout, even though everybody had their names written with permanent marker and their own lockers. Just leave your coat or glves unsupervised, and somebody will borrow them permanently. In turn, you just grab any "available" item. Its in a workplace where everybody is an adult. What to expect from such small children.

LittleBairn · 10/10/2014 11:24

YABU you seem to have confused intellectual intelligence with emotional intelligence.
She's only just started primary school its this sort of punishment that will make her fear and hate it with all the pressure you put on her to be perfect.

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2014 11:31

Yabu And being unfair on a 4yr old she may seem mature or whatever but she is no more than a toddler really they lose things its frustrating get her a shoe bag for her drawer to remind her to pick them up and go to school lost property, I don't think not letting her go yo her club will help her remember or take care of her things.

Original poster

realitygone · 10/10/2014 11:35

littlebairn not sure if you have taken the time to read the thread or my replies. But I have said the punishment was not mentioned to my dd. It was something I was thinking of as a way to try and deter this happening.

I don't put any pressure on her to be perfect. I would be concerned if she was perfect to be honest as that's not how a child should be.

OP posts:

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 10/10/2014 11:36

Wish I'd thought of it when mine were little. They're all teens now.

But a colour is going to be easier to spot for sure.

Sazzle41 · 10/10/2014 11:39

Ex teacher here. She's 4? Trust me they are still losing ( or taking home a different child's PE kit & all their clothes/shoes at 8, 9 10 !! There should be a school lost property box somewhere - often manned by the caretaker or kept in the staff room. Ask !

TheVeryThing · 10/10/2014 11:40

I know this is off topic but can someone explain why primary school kids in the UK change for PE? It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I am in Ireland and kids here wear their tracksuit to school on PE days.
My son is almost seven and I can't imagine how many pieces of uniform he would have lost by now.
Am I missing something really obvious?

BookABooSue · 10/10/2014 11:47

TheVeryThing your approach seems much more sensible. Not all schools make them change. It depends on the school's policy. Both schools our DC attended let them wear their pe top into school on gym days. They did still have to change into their shorts and trainers but that was much more manageable.

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2014 12:44

I used to dot dd2s stuff she couldn't read at 4\5 so I named her clothes and dotted them that worked well still lost somethings

AuditAngel · 10/10/2014 13:24

When DS was in reception, I regularly used to go to the classroom in the morning (I never do pick up), with his teachers blessing and hunt for his 3 jumpers. His teacher would join in taking the other belongings and reuniting them with their owners.

DD1 used to swap things (inadvertently) with the boy whose peg was next to hers. One day she wore his beautiful new cost to after school club and came home smothered on corn flour. A quick wash later, I only realised it wasn't her cost as I hung it up to dry. Next day I took DD in a bright red coat, returned the boy's goat. His mum hadn't noticed.

Another time someone else's cardigan sat in the mess under our coat pegs for about 3 weeks before I finally couldn't bear the mess and tidied up. I wasn't malicious, just slovenly

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 10/10/2014 14:26

Kids this age just can't keep track of their things. There needs to be better support or systems at school if she keeps losing things.

Aherdofmims · 10/10/2014 14:29

Yabu. For one thing the two are so utterly unrelated.

It's your job to label them and the teachers' to at least try to locate when lost.

addictedtosugar · 10/10/2014 19:48

The labelling: we have got some iron on labels, which have a picture on, as well as a name. we went here but there are loads of places. The boys chose the picture., and are pretty good at knowing what is theirs. We also have the advantage of a very short surname, so the text can be large!

My 4 year old was capable of remembering that he needs to bring back 2 of something if he hadn't brought it back the day before - I don't do the school run ever. We also tested it on my 3 year old last week - he does 2 days at preschool a week (again, I don't do the drop off / pick up). He managed to bring 2 jumpers back having brought none the day before.

There was a massive pile of lost property at the end of last year - they put it all out after the celebration assemble, and we could see if any of it was ours. Apparently it was all unnamed. So labelling must help somewhere along the line. Hope you get some stuff back soon.

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