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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my mum to ask me before she comes round to do my garden?

141 replies

101handbags · 09/10/2014 09:44

My DP and I have recently moved into a new home. Both of us work long hours, neither of us have any interest in, or time to do, gardening. Clearly the previous owners felt the same way as the garden could do with a bit of tidying up/weeding etc. We are planning to get someone in next Spring to plant the garden out with greenery/shrubs etc. that look nice but don't need that much care. In the meantime my DP has just been mowing and strimming at weekends to keep on top of it. My mum, on the other hand, absolutely LOVES gardening and has been itching to get her hands on our garden. We kept telling her we are getting someone in to to the flowerbeds, planting etc. but last week DP & I agreed she could come round and do the weeding and tidying. I sent her a text: 'it's fine if you want to tidy up the garden, it is a bit of a mess... we are not going away til mid Nov so plenty of weekends to choose from'. We got home last night to find that mum had been round without asking/telling us, she had tidied up and weeded the front garden AND she has planted out the two flower beds with her choice of spring plants and flowers. I was absolutely livid yet my sister thinks I should be grateful - as far as I am concerned she might as well have painted the front door or something. If she'd asked me yesterday I would have said that's fine & to just do the weeding/tidying, but she said nothing and then proceeded to plant out the garden too. I wanted to choose what went in the beds. It's the first property I've owned and I think she went too far. So this is really both an IABU and also WWYD?

OP posts:

Excitedforxmas · 09/10/2014 09:46

I would love my mum to come and do my garden! Think you are being ungrateful sorry!

LaurieFairyCake · 09/10/2014 09:46

I'd be delighted but I see that you're not.

All I could think about is that she saved me hours of work which I could now use to read books or watch old Downton episodes

Whatever you decide to say give it a few days so you're not quite so mad

Oakmaiden · 09/10/2014 09:47

But you said she could? So she did?

How dare she tidy up your garden and plant out a couple of flower beds, improving the look of your house, after you had given her permission and everything!!!

Very odd. Say thank you. You can always replant the beds next spring with whatever you choose.

gamerchick · 09/10/2014 09:48

Can't see the problem. Can she come and do mine?

There's nothing stopping you pulling up the plants if you want. She's done you a favour but you're the one hat has to look at it. Unless she's going to do all of the care.

Rosa · 09/10/2014 09:49

I think you are being a bit U to be honest. You said she could come at weekends and do it - ok so she came before hand and has tidied up / weeded and planted something for which you don't have time for.... You now have what sounds like a presentable garden with no cost or hassle... Sounds like a good deal . Maybe the plants she has put in do require little care ?

ohweeeell · 09/10/2014 09:50

I would be over the moon if my mother or anyone else helped me out by tidying up my garden, you don't need to be in for her to do this as she doesn't need access to your home.

She probably thought she was brightening the garden up by adding some flowers.

Whatever you feel, please remember she has spent time and money doing this, she would have gone to buy the flowers, etc. I think you should be grateful.

TheBookofRuth · 09/10/2014 09:50

I'd be delighted, I like gardens but hate gardening.

Can you send her round to mine?

Aherdofmims · 09/10/2014 09:52

I think it's best to just shrug and enjoy the garden. If you have no time to do it then you probably won't care that mmuch about which plants are there in the long run.

londonrach · 09/10/2014 09:53

Whats the problem with your mum helping?

weeblueberry · 09/10/2014 09:53

Is she letting herself into the house while she's there? If no, and she's just going into the garden id be absolutely fine with it. You've made it clear you're happy for her to do the work for you and she is...

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/10/2014 09:54

YABU.

LittleBairn · 09/10/2014 09:56

Will she adopt me?

Original poster

101handbags · 09/10/2014 09:57

Please all of you - do give me your addresses so that I can send her round to your houses, she would love it and it would get her away from mine I am not ungrateful that she did the weeding and tidied. I am annoyed that she came round when we weren't there (on purpose) & thus could do far more than we wanted her to. My garden, my choice... I said she could 'tidy up' - she knew this meant weeding etc. and nothing else. She will be moving soon into a new house and will have her own garden to occupy her but at the moment is bored and looking for things to do. She knew we did not want her to put plants in, but did it anyway. But thank you for your opinions.

OP posts:

crumpet · 09/10/2014 09:57

OK so you work long hours and neither of you have "any interest in, or time to do" the garden. You say that the garden was in a bit of a mess.

The garden is now in less of a mess, and has required no time or effort on your part.

As and when you have the time and inclination, you can add in your own plants/replace some. In the meantime, you can look out on a garden which has been tidied up.

What's not to like? You said she could come in and do the garden - admittedly it looks as if you just wanted her to do the crappy work as opposed to anything creative, but there is nothing to stop you making the garden how you want it - just enjoy the fact that it doesn't look a mess before you decide to get around to doing it.

PS is she charging you for the new plants or did you get them for free in addition to her labour?

drudgetrudy · 09/10/2014 09:57

I think it waskind of her to tidy your garden and I don't know why it matters when.

She went a bit far though choosing the flowers without involving you-she probably thought that you wouldn't be that fussed as long as it looked tidy and nice.
I would be grateful but tell her that if she is planting things or changing the layout you would like to discuss it.
She's saving you a lot of time and money and if she enjoys doing it its win -win.

Personally I enjoy sitting in gardens but regard gardening as a punishment. I'd be delighted.

Ticktockblock · 09/10/2014 09:57

Yabu, you have no interest in doing it and your mum loves gardening. Let her get on with it. I'd be buying her some flowers or a plant to say thanks.

Littledidsheknow · 09/10/2014 09:58

You can still go ahead with your spring plans when the spring flowers she has planted are finished. In the meantime your garden looks better and has been done for free.
YABU

starfishmummy · 09/10/2014 09:58

I think yabu because you agreed that she could do it.
Maybe if you and she had had a conversation rather than sending texts you could have discussed it a bit more

Original poster

101handbags · 09/10/2014 09:58

No - she doesn't have a key - it was just the front garden she did.

OP posts:

Goldmandra · 09/10/2014 10:00

She's tidied it up so it will look nicer over the winter. In the spring you can go ahead with your original plans to get someone in to do what you want and, if that means moving a few thing that she has planted, that's fine.

To be fair, you have said that you have no interest in gardening and you gave her permission to come round an do it for you.

I wish someone would come and do that to mine. It's been left to its own devices for far too long, I don't enjoy gardening and I don't have the first idea where to start.

drudgetrudy · 09/10/2014 10:00

PS-it sounds as if you are angry because you feel as if she is taking over and trespassing on your territory.
Is she controlling in other ways?
Is this about something else?

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 09/10/2014 10:01

Yab a bit u really because you did agree to her gardening in the first place and that opened up the whole thing.

I do understand where you are coming from though. We moved and mil was the same, practically insisting on gardening. But we said no thanks. Had to say it many times and quite determinedly because she was adamant.

The problem is that it's longer your garden and also I don't want mil popping in and out whenever she likes.

Fudgeface123 · 09/10/2014 10:01

YABU unreasonable, it can't look any worse than it did before and you did give her permission.

NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure · 09/10/2014 10:03

Yeah, YABU. You should have specifically said 'you can weed Mum, but we want to choose the flowers'. If you said she can come round and do the garden, that's a bit vague. Like PP said, just redo it next year. Not worth getting worked up about.

ThrowAChickenInTheAir · 09/10/2014 10:05

It's a bit like housework. Nice idea to come home and find it all done, but dods anyone really want their mum or mil doing it? Not likely.

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