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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep DS off from preschool every Wednesday

118 replies

TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:47

...so we can go to our playgroup. He has five mornings at the local preschool attached to the local primary. He has settled ok, bit of a wobble at the start both today and yesterday so I stayed for about an hour and he was fine when I left. He loves the little playgroup we go to tomorrow, he has a couple of friends that are a similar age, we take 1 year old DD, he knows all the adults and is confident there.

Preschool looked surprised when I said he would not be in last Wednesday, and I need to let them know when I pick him up at 12. My main concern is that it will make Thursday harder for him.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Hmmmwhatnow · 07/10/2014 10:51

With our preschool I had to tell them whichmornings I wanted as they gave the days I couldn't do to someone else.

It's not a legal requirement and I personally took DD out for all sorts of reasons eg holidays, days out because they are restricted soon enough by big school.

BUT I think if this is going to be every week you shouldn't have taken a full 5 day placement you should tell them you only want 4 days and always give notice of absence.

Sanch1 · 07/10/2014 10:52

I wouldnt keep him off pre-school for a playgroup. He needs to settle into pre-school and know that that is where he goes now, not playgroup. Would you keep him off school? its no different, and how disruptive for the teacher and other children for him to have to catch up every Thursday. YABU.

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:53

It was five mornings or nothing and I said when visiting that I would rather he not to five mornings from the start. We can work up to it and certainly by the summer term.

OP posts:
EvaTheOptimist · 07/10/2014 10:53

Preschool isn't compulsory. I don't think it will make Thursday harder. Just tell the pre-school you want him to go 4 mornings a week, and go to your playgroup!

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:54

But preschool isn't school, he is three!

OP posts:
Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:55

Thanks Eva, that's what I thought. But I don't want to make it harder on him on Thursday.

OP posts:
EvaTheOptimist · 07/10/2014 10:55

Five mornings or nothing, that is ridiculous. It should be your choice.

Doodledot · 07/10/2014 10:55

Entirely up to you. He gets 15 free hours but you don't have to use them. At ours a few did this

redskybynight · 07/10/2014 10:56

It will affect the pre-school's funding if you only go for 4 days out of 5. If they are a pre-school that doesn't allow mix and match (i.e. they expect everyone to do 5 sessions) this may be a big deal for them as they won't otherwise fill a single morning space.

He will also potentially miss out - our pre-school used to run a series of activities over a week so a child missing a day mid-week would have to constantly be catching up.

He will definitely always be playing catchup with friends on Thursday if everyone else has been in the day before.

Plus IME playgroups tend to get a bit babyish when DC get to pre-school age. In your position I would be very tempted to arrange to meet his same age friends at a mutually convenient time, and just take your DD to playgroup.

starlight1234 · 07/10/2014 10:57

I would too. It is hard enough to get time with your children once they are at school never mind pre school.

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:58

As I understand the funding situation, it can't be split so I can't use it else where. They still claim for him he just isn't there.

OP posts:
Hillfog · 07/10/2014 10:59

My friend did this with her DS. Pre school was completely un-flexible. 5 days either mornings or afternoons. It was her catchment school and she wanted him to go so he just did 4 morning a week as that suited her. The other day it was her DH's day off as he worked weekends so they still had a family day. It did no harm and school were fine about it. He's in Yr1 now and doing really well.

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:00

Interesting about his friends, I thought they mostly played alongside each other at this age.

I just feel that at playgroup he gets to be a big fish in a little pond, when the rest of the week he is very much a little fish amongst a lot of other fish!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/10/2014 11:03

Funding can be split. My DGS goes to two pre-schools.

If he's taking a place that someone else would want then you're a bit U. At my DGS places it doesn't matter to anyone else whether he was there or not.

I wouldn't take him out every week, but once every now and again is fine.

And he has lots of friends that he plays with at both groups.

redskybynight · 07/10/2014 11:03

They can't claim for him if he routinely isn't there!

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:06

So they will lose the funding on the day he isn't there? That wasn't how it was explained to me. I know the funding can be split but it is not there policy to do so.

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 07/10/2014 11:06

If they are offering 5 days or nothing then they can't replace him anway but no they can't claim for the 5 days.

figgieroll · 07/10/2014 11:07

You can attend as few or as many was you want. Some attend one session a week here, others all five. It's not compulsory and you are the best judge of what his needs are

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:08

Ok. Thank you. Now even more confused!

OP posts:
coppertop · 07/10/2014 11:10

I'm fairly sure that the pre-school have to keep a record of attendance. If it shows that your ds is routinely only attending for 4 days per week, the pre-school will only be able to get funding for those 4 days.

That's the reason why they have been saying that you have to take 5 days or nothing. They are highly unlikely to get another child to take over that one day place and so will lose money.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 07/10/2014 11:11

Funding can be spilt. The preschool may prefer you to use all hours with them though. I had mine split between nursery and preschool for a term when dd1 started preschool.

The problem is that your preschool is rather inflexible by dictating 5 mornings/afternoons only.

I get that they don't want to have one session that they might not fill. But you shouldn't feel forced into taking up more hours than you want/need either. If you regularly don't send your ds i'd check whether the lea could withdraw all his funding. I'm convinced I've seen something somewhere where a child was threatened with this even though it was because they were attending regular appointments.

With regards to you wanting ds to be the big fish, sooner or later he is going to be the little fish in the big pond when he starts reception. He might end up being bored with the baby games or even try to exert dominance due to him being the biggest.

figgieroll · 07/10/2014 11:12

He will not be playing catch up because he misses one day!! It's not like he's doing A levels for goodness sake.

I've never heard of a nursery demanding children attend all five sessions or nothing. It's cash their after, bums on seats. This way offers no flexibility for parents and doesn't respect the fact that all children are unique and have different needs.

RandomFriend · 07/10/2014 11:15

How lovely that you have found a particularly nice playgroup that works well for your family. If I were in your situation, I would keep my child with me for the activity that we enjoy all together. These are precious moments and they don't come back.

If it were really a problem with giving notice of absence and funding for the pre-school, I would maybe take him to pre-school once or twice a month.

Before long, he may change and may not want to miss pre-school for playgroup, so enjoy it whilst it lasts!

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:15

Thanks for your input re the funding. Will look into it.

As I mentioned in my OP there are another two that are his age (same school year), they play together nicely (most of the time), they are the "big boys" so help tidy up at the end etc. I really don't think he will be exerting dominance over the others! I just think it is a bit more low key for him after the hustle and bustle of preschool.

OP posts:
redskybynight · 07/10/2014 11:16

It sounds like a setting (my DD attended one such) where the DC are "expected" to attend for all 5 sessions. This means there is a limited number of children, the programme is organised on the basis of every child in every day, and there is no choosing of days (as you come in every day). Other settings are more flexible and allow you to pick when you come and how often you come.

Settings like the OP should make it clear that the expectation is that your child comes for 5 sessions (was this done?), because they simply can't survive if parents start dipping in and out and taking a smaller number of days. Often IME this type of pre-school is linked to a school and the majority of children go onto the school (hence the number of children in the pre-school is the same as the number of children that can get into the school).

I don't think the OP is wrong to want to take her child out for 1 day, but she does need to be aware that this is not the norm in her setting and perhaps she should have chosen to send her DC to a more flexible pre-school if she wished to do this. Taken to its logical extreme, if every parent decided they only wished their child to come for 4 days a week, I suspect the pre-school would be unable to survive financially.