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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep DS off from preschool every Wednesday

118 replies

TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:47

...so we can go to our playgroup. He has five mornings at the local preschool attached to the local primary. He has settled ok, bit of a wobble at the start both today and yesterday so I stayed for about an hour and he was fine when I left. He loves the little playgroup we go to tomorrow, he has a couple of friends that are a similar age, we take 1 year old DD, he knows all the adults and is confident there.

Preschool looked surprised when I said he would not be in last Wednesday, and I need to let them know when I pick him up at 12. My main concern is that it will make Thursday harder for him.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:

Looseleaf · 08/10/2014 20:24

This is interesting as DS has just started at a 5 day a week nursery and from next week is meant to be going 9-3 every day. I'm having serious doubts as thought he'd settle but he's having panic attacks throughout the day and night and nightmares and keeps begging not to go back.
I think emotional readiness is key and I don't think we can keep the place if it's this distressing. But just wish we could choose a middle ground as it's a really wonderful, stimulating environment. Even so it's still feeling wrong for DS at this moment I think and I'm wondering if I'm mad to lose his place.

StripyBanana · 08/10/2014 20:36

Gosh Timeforanap - that's all the reasons I'm not sure I'd advise anyone to go to a school based nursery :(

insancerre - with you all the way.

5madthings · 08/10/2014 21:15

I am so glad I have the choice of a pre school rather than a school based nursery!

The nursery attached to the school near me insists on five full mornings and a u unform and is quite structured. They are so little still!

My daughter's pre school is still on a primary school site, they usr the playground and often visit the school for assemblies or plays, there is lots of cross over and ad most children attending the pre school will attend the primary (as my daughter will) it's great. She even gets to Ser her elder siblings who are at the school!

Yet it's still relaxed and we can choose how many sessions we want to do! They have a good relationship with the school. So clearly sone pre schools can manage this.

Sadly some patents don't have the choice as there isn't the availability in their area. If I was forced with five full days or nothing I would be very tempted to not send them at all. My elder two children never attended pre school and we're fine. Our primary is very good in that reception is relaxed and they continue with the learning through play early years format in year one as well. So much nicer for the children.

Littlefish · 08/10/2014 21:30

I am a teacher in a school-based nursery. We offer full flexibility in terms of full days, half days, wrap around care, for anything between 2 and 10 half days per week.

We are very play based. We prepare children for life - how to compromise, how to share, how to listen to others, how to talk with different people, how to persevere, how to be resilient. We don't prepare them for school.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 09/10/2014 07:54

I feel saddened by your post littlefish. I think those are all the things I teach my DCs as their parent.

Are there really people out there who think teaching compromise etc is the job of a school teacher? I suspect I already know the answer to that.

I feel so privileged to work part time. I don't want to send my DCs to a pre-school on days I am not at work. Interestingly, none of my teacher friends do either.

They play at home with me, visit places when they are empty and take the chance to go to gymnastics and swimming lessons before the years where these things have to be squeezed in after compulsory school.

ZanyMobster · 09/10/2014 08:24

What about the people who work full time though Spaghetti surely it is better to have a pre-school which teaches children all those things you as a SAHM/part time worker would also teach them rather than them being in a setting teaching them reading/writing at 3 or 4 YO.

I don't necessarily think people believe it is the pre-schools job to teach those things but those are the things they SHOULD be teaching them when they are in their care.

No matter how much you socialise it is not the same as children being independent of you and playing alongside other children and learning all those things Littlefish mentioned.

No one is saying you have to send your children everyday if you are not working. I didn't work at all for the first 5 years but I absolutely loved my DCs going to pre-school for the sessions they did (only 2 to begin with), they learnt so much and definitely things I couldn't teach them such as confidence when I wasn't around. I did lots of other things with them they of course couldn't do at pre-school also.

It is not for everyone and not all settings are good but I don't think there is anything about Littlefish's post to feel saddened about.

AmberLav · 09/10/2014 08:37

Spaghetti - I love the fact that my son's nursery works on teaching him the skills that I also teach him at home. I know that my son often learns better through his peer group, and both forms of learning back each other up. I also love hearing new facts from him, that I know I haven't told him. Equally I know there are things that I am teaching him that nursery probably won't...

Original poster

TwentyTinyToes · 09/10/2014 14:58

Quick update, preschool were absolutely fine with DS having Wednesday free for this term. No mention of funding problems, attendance records or anything really, just that it was fine if that is was I felt a was best.

DS has skipped in happily the last two days and has volunteered several times that he had fun whilst there.

"Emotional readiness" is exactly what I personally feel this year is all about, that and play of course.

OP posts:

Original poster

TwentyTinyToes · 09/10/2014 15:01

Looseleaf how is your DS doing? I would want yo seriously reduce hours or maybe even leave it for a term if possible. Maybe find a different setting?

9-3 is a long day, can he just not go for the morning?

OP posts:

StripyBanana · 09/10/2014 18:26

Ooh fantastic news, Twenty! Really glad they were accommodating :)

Time2beme · 09/10/2014 22:21

Wmy understanding is that a school nursery can claim funding for 5 days even if they only attend three. My friend sent her son to a school nursery 3 mornings 1st term and 4 mornings for second two terms. Its entirely reasonable for you to take him out one morning a week for the entire year.

Littlefish · 09/10/2014 22:54

Timetobeme - the funding situation in many (if not all) local authorities has changed. School nurseries used to be paid for the number of spaces they had available -ie. if there were spaces for 26 children they would be paid for. 26 children, even if only 10 children were there.

This changed a couple of years ago so that school nurseries are only paid for sessions/hours that children actually attend.

This also means that the 15 hours of funded sessions can be split between 2 settings, instead of automatically being given to school nurseries in its entirety.

Littlefish · 09/10/2014 22:56

Twenty - if your nursery is claiming for 5 sessions and your ds only attends 4, they are acting fraudulently. You could be help responsible and made to re-pay any overclaimed funding if an audit picks up the discrepancy.

Original poster

TwentyTinyToes · 10/10/2014 02:33

I could be held responsible even though I have agreed it with the teacher in charge? Surely she would of mentioned that this might happen?

OP posts:

Original poster

TwentyTinyToes · 10/10/2014 06:42

Just reread your post Littlefish, reading at 2 am when half asleep feeding the baby is not ideal! So they are acting fraudulently but I am accountable? DS is doing four sessions for this term, maybe next, because this is best for him for the time being. He is exhausted and a day off mid week (playgroup or not) is what he needs, as agreed by the teacher in charge.

OP posts:

Littlefish · 10/10/2014 06:44

Ask to see the funding form you have signed. There should be something on there about repaying funding if the information you provide is not correct.

It's not up to the teacher to "agree" claiming for sessions that your ds is not going to take.

Please phone the local authority funding team to clarify this. I am concerned that you are being given poor information by the nursery.

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2014 08:46

Oh thats great the nursery are not being awkward about the Wednesday.

Looseleaf · 10/10/2014 13:58

Twenty thanks for asking- I did have a chat and said was thinking of pulling him out due to his not seeming ready. They were very helpful and told me he doesn't have to stay for the afternoons this term if I don't think he should. And also am letting me read in a corner ignoring him so I'm much happier at how he has relaxed.
If he learns to feel happy there without me too I think we'll have found the right solution as there's so much for him there. But I think if the afternoons were obligatory I'd have made the decision it was too long a day without me than he was personally ready for

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