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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep DS off from preschool every Wednesday

118 replies

TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:47

...so we can go to our playgroup. He has five mornings at the local preschool attached to the local primary. He has settled ok, bit of a wobble at the start both today and yesterday so I stayed for about an hour and he was fine when I left. He loves the little playgroup we go to tomorrow, he has a couple of friends that are a similar age, we take 1 year old DD, he knows all the adults and is confident there.

Preschool looked surprised when I said he would not be in last Wednesday, and I need to let them know when I pick him up at 12. My main concern is that it will make Thursday harder for him.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:

StripyBanana · 07/10/2014 11:58

Bette - I completely agree with you about choosing how many days/not being important to be there every day.

BUT I don't think pre-schools can claim for 5 days if the child only attends 4. Our pre-school manages that by having different children/different days/ working it out so people who want 3 days get 3 days and those that want more get more etc.

Also - the difference is with a school nursery year - they aren't a full pre-school, in they often are just the year before reception and are treated much more like a school class than a pre-school, and often there is a "class" that attend every day rather than the mix and match of pre-schools.

ChippingInLatteLover · 07/10/2014 11:59

If it was me, I'd take him out. Find a local one that he can go to a couple of mornings a week, it doesn't really matter if you find it uninspiring, he may not - children don't see things in the same way. Enjoy the last year of him being at home and deal with 'having to go' next year. He's 3. Three. They'll be taking them from the sodding maternity ward next.

StripyBanana · 07/10/2014 12:02

Me too, chipping - but we have some lovely pre-schools around here. No idea what is in the OPs area.

MrsMcRuff · 07/10/2014 12:21

Our school would be in contact about the lack of attendance and your child would be 'flagged up' to be monitored as a low attender should they join Reception.

Flagged up, aged three, as a low attender at a place they are not obliged to attend at all???

and

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/10/2014 12:25

Oh yeah,I would OP definitely. Ds was meant to go to full time nursery and I kept him on part time only as he was so little. The school didn't like it, but it's not compulsory.

DuckandCat · 07/10/2014 12:31

Yes MrsMc, at our school they would be. It would also be written in their end of year report.

It would honestly make life so much easier for you to just choose a setting which is geared up to your requirements.

My DD won't be going to a 'school nursery', simply because 5 days a week aren't convenient. She'll be staying at her day nursery, so I can pick and choose when she attends.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 07/10/2014 12:37

I agree with chipping. Have fun with him. Learning in the family environment is important too.

I'm on mat leave so DD (2.11) is in nursery 2.5 days I normally work. I like having her to myself the rest of the time and seeing her play with DS, see her friends and go to her gymnastics class.

I have no intention of sending her anywhere 5 days a week until she starts school.

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 12:37

Right I know it seems daft but it is preschool attached to a primary and parents choose to send their dc there as preschool so consistant non attendance would be flagged up its not like a playgroup. Not that the op would be flagged up she will be letting them no, school nursery is part of the LEA

MrsMcRuff · 07/10/2014 12:38

God, this thread has brought home to me anew, how little they are when we place them on the treadmill.

Fancy labelling a 3yr old as anything, let alone a 'low attender'. I despair.

StripyBanana · 07/10/2014 12:43

And Cameron at one point wanted to encourage MORE schools to have nursery years attached, so they could be "in the system" earlier :(

I really really don't like the trend.

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 12:48

My dd went to preschool at 3.8 till she was 5 18yrs ago so its not new we dont have reception yrs here maybe thats why I didn't find it strange our preschool s are probably like reception

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 12:50

She got an eatly place but didn't get full 15hrs till she was in her pre school year.

ChippingInLatteLover · 07/10/2014 12:53

There are plenty of school attached pre school's that do not insist on 5 day a week attendance. I think school attached pre schools are great as the kids get used to the environment before school - but not if attendance is compulsory.

Stripey me either. Not one bit.

PS: Before I only said the preschool were uninspiring because that's what the OP had said herself about the ones local to her.

MrsMcRuff · 07/10/2014 12:59

I think it's the element of compulsion at such an early age, that I have an issue with.

englishmummyinwales · 07/10/2014 13:09

I didn't send either of mine 5 days a week to begin with. The school said you were supposed to but I lied and told the teacher they weren't ready. In truth I simply didn't want them to have to go 5 days a week when they were only just three. They have the rest of their school and working life to go in five days a week. I kept it to set days though, so the teacher knew whether or not to expect them and did build it up. They each did 5 days in their last term.

It's not compulsory and I don't think you should let yourself be bullied into it. Your playgroup sounds lovely and he will enjoy a morning with Mummy and his friends. It won't be long before he's gone all day every day so enjoy it while you can.

OrlaNuttin · 07/10/2014 13:26

Hi playgroup manager here,

Your child will not suffer in the slightest from not attending preschool one day a week. Family time is hugely important.

However, you should know that regulations regarding funding have tightened up (in my area certainly) and if a child signed up for 5 sessions, routinely only came for 4, our funding would be reduced.

As a preschool is likely not to be profit making in the way that a nursery is, this can have a huge impact on resources, staff wages etc. as you knew when you signed up that 5 session a week was expected, I'd say you'd be a little unfair to put the preschool in this position.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but as my playgroup is a charity, and we aim not to make a profit, juggling finances is very difficult, and it is astonishing how much difference one child on one session can make to finances.

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 13:35

Attendence really isn't compulsory but if children are getting their free hours then attendance will be monitored which is fair enough I suppose. Speaking to some of the parents where I work the nursery their children go to is more flexible with the 15 hours but with a preschool attached to a primary they cant really have open hours

figgieroll · 07/10/2014 13:38

Child's needs come first. Schools needs come second.

It doesn't matter about being flagged for low attendance. Preschool isn't compulsory. School isn't compulsory until the term after a child's 5th birthday and even them flexischooling could be an option.

Original poster

TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 13:40

Wow lots of replies, thank you.

Ok, so my thoughts exactly were that community preschool was what I wanted a couple of morning or afternoons a week. I looked at lots, five I think, some were better than others but none felt right. I should add that I am a teacher (did not intend to drip feeding just felt it wasn't relevant) although I haven't taught for four years since having DS. I am primary trained, although have only ever taught in a special needs school and this is where my heart is, no desire to work in a mainstream setting. However my background means that I have some understanding of what quality provision looks like plus I could just not see my DS there. None of community preschools felt right. I visited the school one mainly to rule it out and I loved it. I did wonder if it was because it felt more "classroom" than the others and that is why it liked it, but could imagine DS there so went with it. I made it clear I did not want him to do five mornings from the outset, it was explained to me that he would be put down for five mornings or afternoons but he did not have to be there although this was unusual.

I haven't actually spoken to the staff about doing less than the five days, so that is what I need to do. Is difficult to catch anyone at drop off and pick up because they are rightly all busy with the children. So I will talk to someone and check re funding, losing places, labelled a low attender etc etc. But all of that being well I will stick to my guns and do four days building up to five over the year.

Thanks again for all your thoughts.

OP posts:

Original poster

TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 13:42

No mention of them losing funding was mentioned in out initial discussions although maybe they thought I wasn't serious or would change my mind.

OP posts:

StripyBanana · 07/10/2014 13:45

Can you ring and ask to talk to them? If they're v busy after school they might not be able to have that level of conversation? You need to establish whether they just "wouldn't like it" or if you might lose your place. If its just a not like then definitely keep him home :)

I must admit (also as a teacher ;)) that I wouldn't be keen on a classroom-like setting or a place where there isn't time to chat to the keyworker. Our always hand over with quite a bit of detail about the day! It is a real shame there isn't good pre-school provision in your area :(

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 13:45

Ask for an appointment it is hard to catch them and say you want just 4 days as you are busy on a Wednesday and leave it at that

Original poster

TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 13:54

The hand over is always quick but I am sure they would be happy to talk to me if I hung back. Failing that I will ring. It is a bit classroom but very child led and lots of fun stuff to do.

Thanks guys.

OP posts:

crje · 07/10/2014 15:24

I never sent mine 5 days until big school, I had to pay for 5 though.
Used to go to playgroup, library mornings & visiting .
She settled into school fine.

hiccupgirl · 07/10/2014 16:53

Our local school nursery is exactly the same - it's 5 mornings or afternoons with no flexibility at all. Which is why my DS stayed at his private nursery 3 days a week until starting school.

I wouldn't have thought he will miss out on tons of things but like some other posters I suspect you will find he quickly outgrows the play group this year. My DS was at home 2 days a week with me until he started school and we had to give up on groups eventually. By 3.5 he was the only over 3 at most of them and the activities were just too young for him. Once you get past 3 now most groups assume the older preschoolers are at nursery or preschool all week and there isn't a lot for them to do.

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