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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep DS off from preschool every Wednesday

118 replies

TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 10:47

...so we can go to our playgroup. He has five mornings at the local preschool attached to the local primary. He has settled ok, bit of a wobble at the start both today and yesterday so I stayed for about an hour and he was fine when I left. He loves the little playgroup we go to tomorrow, he has a couple of friends that are a similar age, we take 1 year old DD, he knows all the adults and is confident there.

Preschool looked surprised when I said he would not be in last Wednesday, and I need to let them know when I pick him up at 12. My main concern is that it will make Thursday harder for him.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:18

That is how I feel random, thank you. I think I might do preschool tomorrow in light of his trouble settling today and yesterday and then go to playgroup next week.

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Mrsjayy · 07/10/2014 11:18

Can you change to afternoons on the Wednesday so he still gets the hours? it wont affect him at all but I do think with being in pre school now he has moved on from playgroup iyswim but keep him off it really doesn't matter.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 07/10/2014 11:18

UK parents can be so precious about sticking to routines and "doing what's expected".

Of course keep him off. My DD only did two days at preschool so that I could have 3 at home with her.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 07/10/2014 11:19

Redsky it does not matter what the preschool "expect" though. OP is perfectly within her rights to take the hours she wants to.

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:20

I did make it clear when I looked round and again when making the application (although verbally to reception staff) It is a lovely preschool, the staff are excellent. Don't want to piss them off. BUT my little boy will be at school next year, then he has to go so had planned some flexibility this year.

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DuckandCat · 07/10/2014 11:21

I'm a teacher and taught in our nursery last year.

No it's not compulsory, but when you take up the place you agree to take them every day. To me having the odd day off/ holiday is different to not coming every Wednesday.

I would have been Hmm if one of my parents had told me they were planning to take their child out one day a week to go to a playgroup.

Our school would be in contact about the lack of attendance and your child would be 'flagged up' to be monitored as a low attender should they join Reception.

Would also mean your child would for E.g ALL the phonics/ maths/ cooking (whatever is taught on Wednesdays) for the whole year.

They can't stop you though, it's up to you.

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:22

No chance of an afternoon, no mixing of mornings and afternoons!

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Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:23

We can build up to every day. Probably after Christmas! Certainly by summer term.

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Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:24

Ok, so we will go tomorrow. Then I will just keep him off for odd Wednesdays here and there. I take you point about missing whatever happens on a Wednesday every week.

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DuckandCat · 07/10/2014 11:25

One more thing to bear in mind is that if his attendance drops below a certain percentage, his place will be offered to another child.

TeenAndTween · 07/10/2014 11:26

Well, when DD2 started at a nursery attached to a school we were told the sessions were hers but we didn't have to use them all.

So we did something like

  • 1.5 terms 2 mornings only, plus 1 at playgroup
  • 2 terms 3 mornings
  • 1 term 4 mornings
  • 1 term 5 mornings
Nanny0gg · 07/10/2014 11:28

But if the child attended two pre-schools they'd miss the same activities each week anyway.

I cannot be convinced that it's a big deal.

And to the best of my knowledge (willing to be corrected) they don't have to give the funding back if the child doesn't turn up for some days. They would probably want to give the place to someone else the following term though.

5madthings · 07/10/2014 11:30

My dd does pre school but I only signed her up for three mornings because on one-day we go to a locket toddler group and on another we do gymnastics, sometimes if the weather is nice I keep her off so we can go to the beach or do something else.

It's not compulsory but if you regularly won't go one-day a week let them know so they can give that session to someone else :)

froomeonthebroom · 07/10/2014 11:30

Our pre school is the same, all mornings or all afternoons. Can you switch to afternoons? Mornings are always really popular and there might be someone who would swap with you.

I think YABU btw. You knew the hours when you took the place and should send your DS for those hours.

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:33

Thanks for the input everyone. Just want to do what is best for DS, think we will go tomorrow and I will not take him out every Wednesday, but maybe once/twice a month for different activities together on different days. He is so utterly exhausted at the moment the afternoons are a right off but I guess he will get used it and we can do stuff together then too.

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ElephantsNeverForgive · 07/10/2014 11:34

DD2 kept here all day Wednesday at nursery that she loved and I kept Fridays for playgroup until all the DCs anything like her age were at preschool.

DD1 stayed going to play group right up until the last 1/2 term before school.

Preschool huffed and puffed a bit - tough. DCs have 11-13 years stuck in school

SophieBarringtonWard · 07/10/2014 11:36

I really doubt it will make a massive difference to his learning or friendships at this age, my DD attended Reception and Y1 just 4 days a week & it seemed to make no difference at all. He's only 3! He will probably grow out of the Playgroup over the course of the year but I would take him.

StripyBanana · 07/10/2014 11:43

I think the difference in response is due to the different settings.

School's that have the pre-schools/nursery year prior to reception, that is run as part of the school DO expect full attendance all 5 days. They will sometimes wear a uniform (jumper) and often have a teacher who is trained, but may have not taught nursery before. Basically they start school a year early.

We would avoid those type of pre-schools to be honest, although it was common in the area we used to live.

Where we live now there aren't many schools with a nursery year and people choose where to spend your 15 hours - childminders/ pre-schools and people mix and match a full day/half day to suit them.

I don't want my children in the type of setting where they are expected to be there 5 mornings a week, so I didn't send them. I sent to a community based pre-school with a lot of older mum-types (if there is a qualified teacher they can get away with a much lower number of adults too.) It's been fab!

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:44

Hmm. Well his teacher was not in today because I was going to catch her and talk to her about it. No chance of talking to anyone at pick up so we will go tomorrow. Especially in light of his difficulty settling this week. Then I can ask her about funding etc when I see her later in the week. I am pretty sure there will be swapping to afternoons. I don't want to jeopardise his place or his enjoyment there but I want to enjoy him the year before school starts and his gone forever

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StripyBanana · 07/10/2014 11:44

Oh but I meant to say - I think if you sign up for a school based nursery where attendance is expected 5 days a week you really ought to send them 5 days a week as that's the way they are run, they're not set up for flexibility.

MaryWestmacott · 07/10/2014 11:45

you might find though, that the playgroup feels far too young for him very quickly. I had been planning to work for my DC1's preschool year, so hadn't applied for any preschools as DC1 would be at nursery using the preschool there, however, i had DC2 that year so droped DC1 to 4 half day sessions to do his preschool at nursery. I thought it would be fine to take him to the playgroup we'd gone to on my old 'day off' every week for years, but by the January, most of the children his age had stopped going as they were at preschool on that day.

It also became clear as well as being only one of the 'big' ones, he didn't want to just 'play along side' other children anymore, he wanted to play with others and the younger ones weren't as much fun for him. The activities and actually toys soon became clearly too young for him.

I'd make sure you aren't risking losing your place at the preschool.

Original poster
TwentyTinyToes · 07/10/2014 11:46

I looked at lots of community preschools, I originally wanted one. But found them all to be uninspiring/tired/dull, I looked at many but none felt right.

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StripyBanana · 07/10/2014 11:50

Then I think you might have to keep him there. You can, of course, speak to the staff - but I think you will find its part of their policies.

BetteDavis01 · 07/10/2014 11:53

OP, you are overthinking this!

I'm guessing that as your child is 3 yrs, they qualify for the 15 hours free funding. Your pre school will claim the full 15 hours, whether your child is there or not.

On their paperwork they will have made you put down 5 days a week, so as to ensure they get their 15 hours, which they can claim.

If you only want your child to attend for 4 days then it's no problem for them. They still get their full funding.

As for your child being educationally disadvantaged by missing one day.......Grin

sunnydaylucy · 07/10/2014 11:57

Although 3 years ago now, I did this with my DD to attend a play group she had always been to on a Tuesday morning. She loved it (& so did I!). Preschool were fine about it.
The time you have with your DC before the strict regime of school starts is so precious. Enjoy your time with her & don't feel guilty Grin

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