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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be enraged on behalf of the mother?

142 replies

HerVagesty · 06/10/2014 16:41

Fail [[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2782126/Schoolgirl-15-humiliated-teacher-showed-picture-bikini-100-fellow-pupils-demonstrate-dangers-social-networks.html]]

I mean, kids these days need to be taught that they are even less "invisible" than we thought we were due to social media, but really? Hmm

OP posts:
wanttosqueezeyou · 06/10/2014 22:43

The teacher publically singled out the mistake one child made in order to deliver the lesson. That's humiliation.

wanttosqueezeyou · 06/10/2014 22:45

That was for hollie who doesn't know what humiliation is.

vezzie · 06/10/2014 22:49

jellybelly, the intentions of the teacher are neither here nor there. If I posted an embarrassing picture of you to the local paper because I attached the wrong file (was supposed to be "Badgers seen in supermarket car park!" but was actually "jelly belly tries on unflattering swim suits") then no matter how many times I apologised it wouldn't make it less embarrassing. maybe you wouldn't care how many people see you in unflattering swim suits, but if you care, you care, and it doesn't matter how or why they have suddenly been shown to your neighbours, your workmates, that guy you fancy, your children's teachers, etc.

Something I often think about in arguments on here about facebook and photos and privacy is this: the accessibility of the image or the information doesn't make it fair game. We all know this with letters and printed photos. If I was at my friend's house and she had some opened letters in envelopes on the side, it would be really wrong of me to get them out and read them - but I physically could. If I was at my friend's house and she left the room for a few minutes, leaving a photo album out on the coffee table, it would probably be fine to flick through - but really wrong to copy or take the photos to give to people who wouldn't have been invited to her house (or in other words, leaving a photo album out is a tacit invitation to friends and family who are naturally present in your house to have a look, but you wouldn't take it any further).

the fact that it is physically possible for us to violate people's privacy in all sorts of ways, in daily life, while interacting at normal levels of trust and good manners, is really not usually an issue, because most people just don't do it.

Yet, this bizarre argument is always being applied to facebook: it was possible, so it was fair game.

Now the teacher would have been right to keep pointing out what is possible. But I think (s)he was really, really wrong to perform this violation. yes, because it hurt the girl. But also, because it is a really bad argument, an argument in favour of bad manners and cruelty: if it is possible to hurt someone, it is ok to hurt someone.

Society simply can't operate like this. And, on the whole, it doesn't. Most of us go through life automatically taking great pains not to hurt each other, through conventions we have internalised. Some of these conventions relate to privacy.

teenagers aren't quite there yet. Some are lovely, most are trying, but en masse they haven't quite got there with the level of self control that is required to be a decent adult in society who generally do not cause offence or hurt to anyone. This teacher has really messed up an important part of his/her job in socialising teachers: learning that just because you can hurt someone, doesn't mean you should (even if it is funny) is one of the most important things teenagers should learn.

vezzie · 06/10/2014 22:51

sorry, socialising teenagers, not teachers! Freudian

skylark2 · 06/10/2014 22:56

"The teacher could have made the point with a selection of silly photos from some pupils' pages."

Because silly photos aren't humiliating at all, but a photo in a bikini automatically is?

I think the teacher should have used a written list of embarrassing / potentially damaging picture types he could have used (non identifying) for instance "five girls in bikinis, two girls in less than that, three boys drinking alcohol despite being underage, one picture including someone's house number and street name, one picture of someone committing vandalism, one picture which could easily be interpreted as animal abuse..." and said that if anyone didn't believe him they were welcome to come to him afterwards and he would show them what he could see on their account.

wanttosqueezeyou · 06/10/2014 23:00

I think that's a good idea skylark.

Would have reached far more children as well if lots of them were left wondering "was that me in my swimwear/breaking the law"?

Rather than sniggering at the one child who was singled out.

MrSheen · 06/10/2014 23:01

'If' this bikini photo was her profile pic, then how do we know that her privacy settings weren't like fort knox and the 'lesson' was totally pointless, except for some jovial slut shaming?

Can't you see people profile pics even if they have privacy settings?

LineRunner · 06/10/2014 23:03

Agree with skylark. That would have had a better impact, without the personal humiliation of a singled out girl.

MeadowHeartshimmertheFairy · 06/10/2014 23:16

Skylark2 -My point was the singling out was humiliating

Agree that the whole lesson could have been accomplished without using any photos in the way you suggest.

OldLadyKnowsSomething · 06/10/2014 23:38

IME (and I'm no FB expert) photos which have been used specifically as profile pics are visible to Joe Public, regardless of privacy settings. So this girl liked the photo well enough to have set it, at some point, as her profile pic (not just posted on her wall, not just tagged by someone else), so why is she "humiliated" by it now? And, more to the point, why does the OP invite us to be enraged on behalf of the girl's mother (who is so concerned about her dd's privacy that she went to the fucking Mail) rather than the girl herself? FFS, if it were me in the pic, I'd be raging at my mum!

MrSheen · 06/10/2014 23:48

I can't speak for the girl, but for me the humiliation would have come from a photo of me being held up as something that is so deeply inappropriate that it is used as a giant illustration of how not to behave. Whether it was a good photo of me or not would be secondary, tbh.

LadyLuck10 · 07/10/2014 07:06

Agree OldLady

VermillionPorcupine · 07/10/2014 07:39

I feel very sorry for the girl and I would be furious if I was the mother.

I do think it was probably completely misguided on behalf of the teacher though and with hindsight they're probably kicking themselves and going 'how could I have been so stupid'. I don't think they should lose their jobs over it.

My sister is 15 and her form teacher did a similar exercise which got the point across. She got the ten silliest quotes/status updates she could find and read them out to the class, but on an anonymous basis. Many were embarrassing or incriminating (such as having a humungous hangover after their 15th birthday!) and had the class in fits. It drove the point home but there was no humiliation of individuals.

Vintagejazz · 07/10/2014 11:02

15 year olds sometimes do silly and thoughtless things, because they haven't grown up and matured yet..

You do not expect a teacher ( who is meant to be grown up and mature) to exploit this and embarrass the teenager if front of 100 peers, in order to make their point. I think the teacher concerned in this incident has lost a lot of credibility.

I am also bemused mrsstarlord at your comment to another poster that they're "stooping pretty low to try to make a point", while at the same time defending the actions of this teacher..

halfwildlingwoman · 07/10/2014 17:01

I won't click on the link because it's the DM. On balance I agree that it SOUNDS like a terrible way to do a lesson on internet safety.
However, the DM hates teachers and women, and isn't very good at getting its facts straight.

Also, if the girl was humiliated by a teacher doing this in front of 100 of her peers, how is she going to feel now her story is in the national press? Did her mother even go to the Head about it before going to the press?

moaningminnie2 · 07/10/2014 17:41

I don't think some people can read!!

  1. the girl wasn't singled out, there were lots FB profile pics of many other children in the year group.
  2. Out of all the gazillion pics teens take out of themselves an each other that is the one she chose to present herself to everybody on the planet with internet access.So why would she pick a photo she minds people looking at.
  3. the teacher showed it just to her year group who I am guessing would nearly all have seen it anyway.

I think it is an excellent lesson idea!

LineRunner · 07/10/2014 17:46

Well, I don't.

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