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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the way births are announced nowadays?

85 replies

Notsoyummymummy1 · 06/10/2014 08:39

Mil rang us late Friday night to let us know that sil (dh's sister) had given birth to a baby girl. We were thrilled to bits for her.

Dh and I were looking forward to seeing a picture of the baby and finding out what they'd called her. Then Saturday afternoon I happened to go on Facebook and turns out that sil's partner had announced the baby's arrival along with her name and a photo. Sixty people had already liked and commented. Hurriedly I quickly typed my congratulations which was lost in the sea of comments. I noticed that one of the first comments was from a lady who was sil's old work colleague who didn't even know she was pregnant!!!

Aibu to feel a bit disappointed that this woman saw our niece and knew her name before we did? I do understand how hectic it is when a new baby arrives and Facebook is an easy way of telling everyone but I can't help missing the tradition of family getting priority. I feel guilty for feeling like this but I can't help it. Dh feels the same, he says he feels detached from the event when he should be excited. I guess it's just how things are done now!

OP posts:

Lottiedoubtie · 06/10/2014 08:43

Yabu

You found out in RL on Friday night and on FB on Saturday. I don't see the issue?

Why does it matter who saw the photo 'first'.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 06/10/2014 08:43

YANBU. People don't seem to think beyond Facebook anymore.

excitedforbaba · 06/10/2014 08:44

No I don't think YABU
We are due our first baby in around 6 weeks and have said we want immediate family (our parents, brothers, sisters etc) to know by telephone of baby's arrival name etc and ideally to see him/her before anything goes on Facebook!
I had pre warned everyone who knew before my 12 weeks scan if anything appeared on FB I would actually strangle them and it will be the same with the birth announcement.
It will inevitably go on there at some point but I don't feel it's fair for someone else to announce to social media world baby has arrived

MammaTJ · 06/10/2014 08:51

How you are told doesn't matter too much. You will certainly get a cuddle with the newborn baby before the colleague who didn't even know she was pregnant.

PetulaGordino · 06/10/2014 08:56

so it was the father himself who put the photo and announcement up? he can announce it however he wants IMO

littlejohnnydory · 06/10/2014 08:58

YABU.

parallax80 · 06/10/2014 09:00

YABU - their baby, their life event, their choice.

passmethewineplease · 06/10/2014 09:02

YABU.

I've never understood the obsession to be first to see/know things. It's so unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

fatpony · 06/10/2014 09:04

I know what you mean OP. We are due first baby very soon by ELCS and our plan is to ring close family and friends on the day and then a few days later to put it on Facebook And send emails to work colleagues. I just don't want to be distracted by social media in the first couple of days. But we haven't even said we are expecting on Facebook (our good friends all know anyway) so we're probably a bit behind the times!

forago · 06/10/2014 09:04

yabu - it's up to them

rockybalboa · 06/10/2014 09:04

Oh absolutely get over yourself. Perhaps your SIL and partner were really excited about sharing a photo of their newborn without having to run all their movements past po faced relatives. YABU.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 06/10/2014 09:05

YABU. It's not about you.

NotMNRoyalty · 06/10/2014 09:09

Yabu. This is the type of thing that wouldn't even occur to me to feel annoyed by.

Minions · 06/10/2014 09:11

Maybe they felt pressured to put it up quickly? We didn't text anyone to let them know until our parents had been to the hospital. We then texted some friends and colleagues. I then went on to Facebook a few days later to post a picture and announcement for those we didn't let know immediately. Went on to find out a colleague had already announced the birth publicly a few days before I had the chance! Rather stole my thunder... At the end of the day it didn't matter but I'm guessing some people announce on FB quickly to get the chance to do it themselves.

I don't think you are entirely unreasonable, I'd feel a bit the same.

Rusticated · 06/10/2014 09:12

This makes you sound deeply precious, tbh, as if you feel the former colleague skipped your 'family priority' queue, and I can't believe you seem to be blaming the new baby's parents for making you feel 'detached' and unimportant about the birth.

And I say this as a non-FB user who wouldn't have dreamt of announcing my pregnancy or my son's birth on social media. I'm afraid you need to respect your SIL's decision. She and her husband may not have wanted to spend the first hours of her child's life phoning people and sending photos (which even I can see is the real appeal of birth announcements on FB).

OwlCapone · 06/10/2014 09:14

Well, let's hope the new parents don't use Mumsnet and see you whining about them.

Original poster

Notsoyummymummy1 · 06/10/2014 09:16

Thanks for your replies - I guess it's a lot to do with how you feel about social media. For me social media is a bit impersonal and full of too much irrelevant clutter but to others it's a perfectly appropriate place to announce births and bereavements and I totally understand that.

It's not about me trying to elevate my own importance at all. I guess because I'm close with sil's son, my nephew, who I look after regularly, I was a bit disappointed to know that if I hadn't logged onto Facebook I would have been pretty much the last person to know what she was called and what she looked like!!

I just think Facebook kind of lumps all the people in your life together in a weird way.

OP posts:

Purplehonesty · 06/10/2014 09:17

Yabu
Get over yourselves. Your dh feels detached? That's ridiculous and I hope you don't relay that to the poor mum and baby.

chloecorey · 06/10/2014 09:21

I think yabu, simply because when i gave birth iv got family in scotland and cant afford picture messages. Te easiest way for my family to see was to post on facebook an tag them all to see. I understan where you are coming from though

FourWallsClosing · 06/10/2014 09:26

YANBU but most people seem to see it that way these days, as if FB is everything - think it's depressing tbh but not a lot you can do when so many people have 'bought into' it.

Can completely understand putting announcements on there, and not feeling pressured into telling family first if you're not that close but Facebook is about sharing with people who you hope will be interested so if you know you have close family who are even more interested why wouldn't you share with them first? Makes it look to me as if it's just for quantity rather than quality - just having loads of likes and feeling self important.

We have a very similar issue - DP's sister had a dd a few months ago and up until the birth kept us updated, in RL, with EVERYTHING (far more than we would have liked tbh but we never let on, we were interested and enthusiastic throughout) but as soon as dn was born it was Facebook all the way. MIL rang to tell us of the birth etc then we had to follow FB for photos, which we thought was just down to knackeredness - not wanting to address everyone individually, but it's been that way ever since. We've made it clear time and time again, but in a genuinely no-pressure way, that we'd love to see as many pics/hear as much news as they want to share, especially as we live in another country, but although we get snail mail, both have phones that can receive pics (and they only take pics via phone so no problem uploading etc), both have email, and are readily available for calls, we only see pics via Facebook (just checking their page, not sent to us or tagged etc) and hear news personally about 2 weeks after we've read in on FB.

Feels very impersonal tbh, the internet equivalent of putting pics/news in a newspaper and assuming family will have read it. I'm not saying they should do it any differently but I wouldn't do it that way and think it's a bit rich when the same people who've kept up this sort of 'only FB' sharing turn round a couple of years later (when their kids aren't so attractive to random 'ex-coworker' FB friends) and complain that their family aren't as involved as they'd like.

ArcheryAnnie · 06/10/2014 09:27

YABU. You did know first, but even if you had been the last to know, what does it matter? You have a healthy niece, happy SIL, and you will be far more a part of this baby's life than Random Colleague Who Did Not Know SIL Was Pregnant.

Do you remember what it is like having a newborn? Do you remember how tired you are, how much you forget, how all the world contacts down to this extraordinary new life you have in your arms? Do you realise how irrelevant your petulance about not being the first to see the photos are?

temporaryusername · 06/10/2014 09:27

YANBU. It would be unreasonable to be cross with your SIL or her partner who were probably just excited, or to dwell on it in this case. Just move on and tell your DH he mustn't feel detached - he is an uncle and his niece needs him more than facebook likes!

So I wouldn't take it personally at all, but YANBU to think that the way things are announced on Facebook now isn't as nice for immediate family. I don't use Facebook so I'm no expert on this, but it is my preference for things to be done more traditionally at first. I accept that is just my preference though so I wouldn't feel annoyed at anyone doing the opposite.

But yes, if my littler relatives had been seen on Facebook before me I would have felt upset. I remember very clearly seeing the first photo and being so excited, emailed to me with a personal message. So I get you, but move on now, too much to enjoy and nothing should spoil the first cuddle!

Original poster

Notsoyummymummy1 · 06/10/2014 09:28

No of course we wouldn't relay that to the mum at all!!! We understand how hard it is with a newborn and don't blame them at all for using the easiest way of telling everyone. Who has time for social etiquette with a newborn in tow!! I'm not angry with them I'm just interested in discussing social media as a way of making announcements. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was bitching about them.

OP posts:

Rusticated · 06/10/2014 09:29

Look at it a different way, OP. Social media offers everyone in your life a chance to see photos and get information ASAP, rather than having to wait until someone has the time and opportunity to phone or email and worry about who to do first etc. As I said, I've never used FB in my life, but if they are habitual FB users, and you clearly are too, wouldn't you have realised that was how they were most likely to be sharing baby photos and names? They presumably assumed you would log on earlier and see the post...?

temporaryusername · 06/10/2014 09:31

Facebook is so yesterday anyway, is this baby on Instagram yet?

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