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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the way births are announced nowadays?

85 replies

Notsoyummymummy1 · 06/10/2014 08:39

Mil rang us late Friday night to let us know that sil (dh's sister) had given birth to a baby girl. We were thrilled to bits for her.

Dh and I were looking forward to seeing a picture of the baby and finding out what they'd called her. Then Saturday afternoon I happened to go on Facebook and turns out that sil's partner had announced the baby's arrival along with her name and a photo. Sixty people had already liked and commented. Hurriedly I quickly typed my congratulations which was lost in the sea of comments. I noticed that one of the first comments was from a lady who was sil's old work colleague who didn't even know she was pregnant!!!

Aibu to feel a bit disappointed that this woman saw our niece and knew her name before we did? I do understand how hectic it is when a new baby arrives and Facebook is an easy way of telling everyone but I can't help missing the tradition of family getting priority. I feel guilty for feeling like this but I can't help it. Dh feels the same, he says he feels detached from the event when he should be excited. I guess it's just how things are done now!

OP posts:

DinoSnores · 06/10/2014 09:33

My SIL berated my DH that, even though we'd let them know of DD2's arrival, name, weight etc, we'd put a picture on FB before emailing her the photo personally. This was after 4 days of us in hospital waiting for an induction as there were complications with DD2 and particularly after the late loss of DD1. To be fair, she is the first woman to have ever given birth and DH is always been told off for something by her!

vanillavelvet · 06/10/2014 09:33

Proud new parents, wanting to share their news with all their family and friends? I don't see the problem personally.

And using FB means you can upload a photo and share it with everyone at the same time, which is ideal when you've got a new baby, are knackered, shell-shocked etc.

Butterpuff · 06/10/2014 09:36

I'm with you too OP, and would feel a little sad. Each to their own. But the important people in my life, close friends and family, for me deserve a little more. I've not had my baby yet, but I cant help thinking that a mass picture text to all the key people in my life would be just as quick and simple as logging onto FB to do the same. But then I don't use social media very much so I don't view it as a normal way of communicating. So I may be unusual. And I DO think about other people, my baby may be my news, but its also my family and my friends who are like family's news as well.

PetulaGordino · 06/10/2014 09:40

you are right perhaps OP, in that FB just seems like yet another way for people to offend each other

QED

PetulaGordino · 06/10/2014 09:43

FB is just another form of communication. it's not a lesser form.

tbh i don't put much on FB publicly, i tend to use it for chatting in private groups, which you could just as well do via email really. but then very little of interest happens in my daily life and i'm cautious of the privacy settings. but i don't judge anyone who does like to put this stuff out there.

temporaryusername · 06/10/2014 09:45

I just hope people remember that not everyone is on Facebook regularly or at all. I also don't think I'd include children on a social media account but I am aware that is unusual, several friends/relatives do and the odd picture is fine. I have just been too scarred by my experience of reading 'mommy blogs' (American ones) to not be paranoid about children having an online presence. I know they are extreme, but it has made me super cautious.

BertieBotts · 06/10/2014 09:45

But how did you want them to get a photo to you? It's much more fiddly to email a photo on a phone, expensive to text it to several people at once and you have to faff around resizing the photo because text messages don't take modern high resolution photos, and then people are stuck squinting at a postage stamp.

It's two clicks to share the photo on facebook. Everyone can see it at once and you can direct people to FB when they text/call/email saying "We want pictures!!"

Couldn't you have gone to see the baby if you wanted to see her? That's better than a photo anyway and tends to be reserved for family/close friends. That's more of a tradition I would like to keep rather than bothering with obsolete means of sending a photo to somebody.

SaucyJack · 06/10/2014 09:45

YABU. 'Tis the Zeitgeist.

Did you text your SIL yourself to ask after the new arrival?

Stripylikeatiger · 06/10/2014 09:46

I'm terribly disorgsnised, my first baby was "announced" on Facebook after a quick call round to close relatives, I don't think news looses it's significance if more people hear it, my baby's photo would still be just as special to my mum if she saw it 10 minuites after someone I went to primary school with and the receptionist from my old job.

I'm due dc2 in the near future and we will do exactly the same.

MrsMook · 06/10/2014 09:48

Neither of my births was simple. With Ds1, we ended up separately in HDU and Neonatal. Ds2 was better, but was born at an antisocial time in the morning. Immediate family was phoned or texted. A few hours later it was FBed so that extended family and friends could find out. Our priorities were with resting and sharing the news efficiently, not a personalised, repetitive order of communication.

Momagain1 · 06/10/2014 09:49

You had a phone call. What more were you expecting? The new parents maybe just forgot the step of a more private share first, if that is normal in your family, or maybe he didnt know it was normal. They are both ecstatic and exhausted, best not to worry overmuch how they announced.

The one and only RULE about newborns and social media is DO NOT POST OR SHARE DETAILS OR PHOTOS UNTIL THE PARENTS DO, OR GIVE YOU EXPLICIT PERMISSION. If the parents have not posted publically, even private sharing should include a privacy reminder. Even then, the inevitable chain of private shares will sooner or later reach someone who posts it, or posts 'congratulations' and the new parents will be annoyed.

the usual strategy amongst those I know is announce by phone to the VIPs probably via a main contact like grandparents , at which point everyone begins stalking the FB pages of the new parents. Some parents get one photo out virtually immediately, to calm the crowds. others impose a photo blackout until everyone they consider a VIP/expect to visit ASAP has arrived. So, for instance, I know my daughter would avoid posting photos until she knew I had seen them 8 timezones away, or until I arrived if I was in transit. Though if I had a chance while in transit, I would tell her to post already, so everyone else would too and I could download every pixel of grandbaby possible between flights!

Cannotbelieveit · 06/10/2014 09:49

Can see why you were a bit miffed but really YABU

With DS1 DH phoned my parents and his mum when I found out after going in for RFM that I was to have an EMCS immediately. All family came at visiting time and met DS1 and we didn't put anything on fb til much later that day. As it turns out he was in SCBU for 16 days after that and the well wishes and support from my fb friends really helped me through as I stayed in with him the whole time.

For DS2 I had an induction and again everyone in the family was phoned and sent pics first when he arrived and then when DH went home to put DS1 to bed my parents came to visit (they had been looking after DS1) and MiL and one SiL came to visit and again later that day I put it on fb

Then again I literally do only have close friends and family on fb, no randomers

JabberJabberJay · 06/10/2014 09:52

I cannot believe the petty things some people choose to get irate about.

You were phoned first. You say a photo on FB the next day. Honestly, get over yourselves.

DiaDuit · 06/10/2014 09:53

Imagine someone not consulting you OP to check how YOU would like them to announce the birth of THEIR child? Shocking!

You just sound as if your nose is out of joint from not being first to lay eyes on her.

MyFairyKing · 06/10/2014 09:59

I agree, this is so petty. It's their baby and their choice. I imagine it's far easier to announce on FB rather than contact each relative individually. I'm sure they'd much rather be spending time with their new baby than contacting each relative for the relative's benefit.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 06/10/2014 10:00

You got a personal phone call to announce the birth.

You were looking forward to seeing a picture of the baby and finding out what they'd called her.

Then, less than 24 hours later, you saw a picture of the baby and found out what they'd called her.

And yet you're still not happy, because you didn't get to see the picture before anyone else.

Standinginline · 06/10/2014 10:02

Know what you mean. That's why with my second I made sure to text or call people close to me and then put on Facebook. Same with when I announced on Facebook, I told everyone close to me myself as it didn't seem right them finding out through Facebook.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 06/10/2014 10:03

YABU these are new parents they're excited about the birth of their daughter they want to shout it out to the world that she's here! This isn't about you it's about their little family.

Noodledoodledoo · 06/10/2014 10:05

We phoned immediate family and friends from the recovery room after a emcs. Then text others with no picture as I don't get picture messages nor do most of my friends these days, we all use fb or whatsapp for pics. Then later in the day we announced the arrival on fb. I have sent a couple of pics to a friend who isnt on fb and to family we have emailed some over the past week but not straight away.

If we had waited till key people had met little one we would never mention the arrival as we are too spread out and some may not see them till baby is 7 weeks old!

irregularegular · 06/10/2014 10:05

But you were told first! You were rung late on Friday night!!! I would kind of understand if you'd just found out on FB at the same time as everyone else but that didn't happen. What do you want, a photo embargo until you've had a few days to look at them???

YABVU

chrome100 · 06/10/2014 10:14

YAB hugel

flukeshot · 06/10/2014 10:16

My sister announced I had my second baby on fb,then posted first pics on there! First baby I think my DH put it on there. Didn't bother me and I'd be if it bothered anyone else. I never fail to be baffled by what people get all wound up, upset or offended about.

temporaryusername · 06/10/2014 10:23

I don't know why everyone is having a go at the OP, she did make it fairly clear that she is not annoyed at her relatives, and is not making this about herself. She said this incident simply prompted her to wonder about the wider issue of how social media has affected birth announcements and if she preferred the old fashioned way.

DiaDuit · 06/10/2014 10:29

OP said in her title that she hates the way births (presumably the births of other people's children- i'm guessing she had control over her own announcements) are announced and also that she is disappointed that someone else saw the baby's photo and knew he name before op did. This isnt just about how social media had changed announcements. It is about OP.

AmberLav · 06/10/2014 10:33

We always contact family first with pictures and names, and then about 24 hours later post to Facebook, as I have many family members who would be upset if they found out the news from facebook rather than us directly...

But then I am very selective as to what I post on facebook anyway...

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