To hate the way births are announced nowadays?

[Notsoyummymummy1]

Mil rang us late Friday night to let us know that sil (dh's sister) had given birth to a baby girl. We were thrilled to bits for her.

Dh and I were looking forward to seeing a picture of the baby and finding out what they'd called her. Then Saturday afternoon I happened to go on Facebook and turns out that sil's partner had announced the baby's arrival along with her name and a photo. Sixty people had already liked and commented. Hurriedly I quickly typed my congratulations which was lost in the sea of comments. I noticed that one of the first comments was from a lady who was sil's old work colleague who didn't even know she was pregnant!!!

Aibu to feel a bit disappointed that this woman saw our niece and knew her name before we did? I do understand how hectic it is when a new baby arrives and Facebook is an easy way of telling everyone but I can't help missing the tradition of family getting priority. I feel guilty for feeling like this but I can't help it. Dh feels the same, he says he feels detached from the event when he should be excited. I guess it's just how things are done now!

Yes, I just understood it to be about OP's preferences, not about her going into a massive mard because of this personal incident. She hasn't sounded nasty about her relatives. Some people responses read as if the OP was railing at her SIL which she wasn't at all.

I personally rang all those who I wanted to know as soon as I could and then when that was done I posed a pic on facebook. Didnt think people would need to see the pic first .

TBH I did it that way because otherwise someone else would have announced it for us and we didnt want that.

Although I only have 40 facebook friends who are just that - not random aquaintances from old workplace.

YABU. But then I am probably BU to despise the flurry of cheesy, American-style pregnancy announcement photo shoots that have been clogging up my newsfeed recently.

"Birth announcements" before FB/Social Media were either

a) "Hello, we've just had our baby, his name is John and he weighed 8lb"
or
b) "Oh so-and-so had their baby, he's called John and he weighed 8lb"

It's not like we all issued palace style announcements in strict order of rank before placing a classified in The Times.

i bet there were great-aunts and -uncles who were put out at seeing the notification in the times before hearing about it by letter/phone

mind you, my great grandmother didn't seem to believe that any life events (birth, engagement, marriage, death) had truly happened unless it was announced in the times or telegraph

If you hadn't been phoned first I could see your point but you knew sex of baby and that mother and baby were fine. Plus they know you are on Facebook to see the announcement including name and photos. I guess it would have been nice if they'd said check out FB for the photos but please try not to get upset about something small when you have a lovely niece to meet.

We rang all the close relatives, or asked those we spoke with to call people for us. We iMessaged the relatives in NZ as it was the early hours both times.

We sent a photo to relatives via iMessage / shared iCloud stream / email.

We then messaged a few friends directly before putting it on Facebook.

If anyone was offended, it's tough, as we couldn't ring everyone.

I'd be surprised that they hadn't found out the name before it went public in the OP's situation. But I don't think it'd bother me hugely either.

I never understand why some people who hate the concept of mass sharing information and photos with your friends even have facebook accounts, that's what facebook is for!

Family were told first in person, then they stuck up a photo and details to tell the less important people in their lives.

The OP is clearly making it all about her, she is more important than this other woman in her mind and should have been shown a photo first! OP, in the 'olden days' before social media, lots of people would have seen the baby before you, a photo would have been taken and given to grandparents, who'd show it to all and sundry, the woman in the post office would know what the baby looked like before a lot of family would unless you were a 'living in each others pockets' sort of family.

OP, you are looking for reasons to be offended, you were told about the baby several hours before anyone else. OK, you didn't see a photo first, but so what, why should you see the photo first?

Why are you even the slightest bit concerned your 'congratulations' message was 'lost in a sea of comments' but so what? Surely as the baby's aunt you'll be seeing htem in person to say your congratulations? Have you not texted DH's sister to say congratulations? Are you just upset that you aren't publicly seen to be the primiary people to congraulate them? Who cares about the FB comment order, I'm sure the couple won't even register what you wrote, but will register what you say when you see them.

Having re-read, this sticks out for me: Hurriedly I quickly typed my congratulations which was lost in the sea of comments. I noticed that one of the first comments was from a lady who was sil's old work colleague who didn't even know she was pregnant!!!

Why should your words of congratulations mean any more than anyone else's? This makes me think of a certain type of person that I can't bloody stand, the kind who comment on pregnancy announcements with, "FINALLY, I'm so glad you've announced it, it was killing me not telling anyone else!!!". Just in case someone somewhere was in any doubt about how special and privileged they were to know something first.

YABU, their baby...... but I totally agree with you. Personally find it a bit tacky tbh.

...... Hides in corner......

Luckily DH and I had a jolly good idea what the evil in-laws would get up to before our DS was born and made sure we had to approve any tags before they got published on our wall. If we hadn't, then emailed photos and all birth announcement details would have been posted on our walls before we had even got to grips with the first nappy change.

We've since gone NC with them, so they'll be lucky to even find out I've had a baby never mind be able to hijack our happiness for their drama-llama thrills.

I do kind of understand where you're coming from with the name thing, OP, but I think a heads up that photos will be on Facebook is enough really. We'll have to have an email list to send photos and details out this time round though as I have many rellies who have no idea about Facebook!

Thank you temporary - I was surprised at the venom of some responses when I hadn't actually said I was offended or even angry!! I was hoping to have a discussion about the nature of social media and how couples feel obliged to announce things in a certain way nowadays and how it affects the way important news is sandwiched inside a sea of trivial news. A child is born and their picture is seen by hundreds of people before they've even left the hospital. I think it's understandable to have a sense of detachment when you're reading something on a screen along with literally hundreds of others.

I'm not criticising sil and her partner at all - I'm just questioning the influence of social media. I'm not the kind of person at all who thinks everything is all about me. I just had an honest human response to something and felt it was worth a discussion. We are a close knit family and a birth is very much a family event and I was interested in the way that protocol now is to announce it to everyone you vaguely know in one hit immediately. I think it's nice to let close family see a picture and know the name before everyone else but perhaps my values are a little old fashioned!!

I feel I may have been a bit misunderstood and haven't had the debate I was hoping to have but thanks to you all for replying anyway!! xxx

I see all my pictures of my nieces and nephews on Facebook - it would be odd for everyone to individually text or email them to me IMO! Doesn't bother me one little bit.

I don't see why family needs some exalted status in the eyes of everyone else. You're already special because you're Aunty such and such, and you're there for cuddles, family meals, special jokes. I do think family is very important but I have friends and colleagues who aren't really of "popping round" status in my life but still enjoy seeing pictures of my DC, as I do of theirs.

YABU - to lend the facebook update THAT much importance. It's an announcement, which had got to you. Surely MEETING the new child is the special / privileged part of a new arrival. A Facebook comment is all many will get.

Facebook haters gonna hate... meh.

you sound a leeeeeetle bit snobby about social media tbh. people use it in different ways, but IMO in many ways those who would have been more private without social media, are private with social media, and vice versa

also, your SIL's partner's family may operate differently to your H's anyway

Does it really matter. I can't honestly see why people can get upset about this kind of thing.

you are allowed to hate it but you can't do anything about it.

we told all immediate family and emailed pics to those we could however as I have close friends and family all over the world facebook was the fastest and easiest way to share our news with them.

each to their own but really there are better things to get your knickers in a twist about

But you were told first??! It's not as though you found out on FB? (that would be annoying)

FB does irritate me though. So I see where you're coming from.

This makes me think of a certain type of person that I can't bloody stand, the kind who comment on pregnancy announcements with, "FINALLY, I'm so glad you've announced it, it was killing me not telling anyone else!!!". Just in case someone somewhere was in any doubt about how special and privileged they were to know something first.

Yup yup yup! Those comments are very funny!

Cherrybomb- I love those comments, every pregnancy, engagement and baby announcement has at least one person like that.

OP YABU. When we had our daughter we let parents and siblings know, but first picture was put on FB. We were tired and shellshocked, wasn't going to spend ages messaging everyone.

A child is born and their picture is seen by hundreds of people before they've even left the hospital

and?

I feel I may have been a bit misunderstood

The use of the word hate in your title and emotive language about being disappointed about it might have confused people about what your aim was with this thread.

DiaDuit, magpiegin

Those comments just make me roll my eyes and hiss ohshutthefuckup at my screen! Nobody caaaaares! You don't get a tiara for being privy to someone making a tiny human!

Arghhh!