To hate the way births are announced nowadays?

[Notsoyummymummy1]

Mil rang us late Friday night to let us know that sil (dh's sister) had given birth to a baby girl. We were thrilled to bits for her.

Dh and I were looking forward to seeing a picture of the baby and finding out what they'd called her. Then Saturday afternoon I happened to go on Facebook and turns out that sil's partner had announced the baby's arrival along with her name and a photo. Sixty people had already liked and commented. Hurriedly I quickly typed my congratulations which was lost in the sea of comments. I noticed that one of the first comments was from a lady who was sil's old work colleague who didn't even know she was pregnant!!!

Aibu to feel a bit disappointed that this woman saw our niece and knew her name before we did? I do understand how hectic it is when a new baby arrives and Facebook is an easy way of telling everyone but I can't help missing the tradition of family getting priority. I feel guilty for feeling like this but I can't help it. Dh feels the same, he says he feels detached from the event when he should be excited. I guess it's just how things are done now!

Cherrybomb one of my SiL did this when ds1 was born! Twat!

It drives me up the wall! I realise it's a tiny thing in the grand scheme and IABU but still, it gets my back up

Another reason that facebook is good for this, as once you've called the two sets of grandparents, you can just put it on facebook and everyone else effectively gets told at the same time. Some people will check their facebook before others, but you don't get the whole having to put your friends and family in order of importance, or risk accidentally missing anyone out.

You've told immediate family, so then tell everyone else at the same time. Sorted.

And OP, you do sound like you wanted to be like the sort of self-important person cherrybombox is talking about, the sort of person who not only wants to be in the know before everyone else, but to be seen to be in the know. It's very important that everyone knows they are more important than you. You're only annoyed that these other people on FB were put on the same level as you publically, even though privately your DH's sister called you so you should know you are more important. why does it matter to you the order of your comment? Does it really matter that SIL's other FB friends won't see you are special?

I don't think that they "felt obliged to" announce the birth this way, though. They probably decided that totally by themselves feeling it was convenient or preferred or more fun or whatever. I'd put photos on facebook rather than emailing or texting them, if/when I have another baby.

the convenience thing is pretty key i think. MNers are always advising doing whatever is easiest in the hours/days following birth, and if FB is the easiest way for parents to circulate the news to most of the people they know then that's what they are going to do, rather than considering the sensitivities of each individual FB friend

I think you've made an important point there Petula. Criticising a woman who has had a human being taken out of her body in the past 72 hours - along with enduring sleeplessness, recovery, establishing feeding etc - for sharing photos in the way most convenient for her...seems unsisterly.

The mother was not being criticised it was the medium of Facebook being questioned. Whilst its convenience cannot be disputed - it can be viewed as a rather impersonal medium by some because of the way that people add people they barely know as "friends" and give them just as much information and as quickly as they do to close family. To those who do not appreciate social media - this can be hard to understand.

In our culture family events have traditionally put high value on family members - you would expect your parents to be sitting at the front of your wedding ceremony for instance. Social media upsets these traditions by potentially allowing people you hardly know instant access to personal information. To some that is perfectly acceptable and to others it's very strange but a difference of opinion is healthy. Valuing tradition and the special joys and privileges of being part of a family does not make you an egomaniac.

Not in the least - but the OP and her H did get special treatment as family members. I don't think the OP is an egomaniac but neither do I think that she can expect others to control the way that they release information the way that she would prefer (but I don't think she does expect that either, it's more a wish)

It's a conversation worth having, but the thing is, we are talking about a medium of communication that hasn't existed before now, so to compare with past methods of disseminating this stuff is meaningless. Ten years ago you couldn't announce birth/name/photo in this way, so you didn't. You did it the easiest way available at the time (email, phone paper) which meant that fewer, more select people saw this stuff earlier. The OP may think that's better, and that's fine, but the fact is if there is an easier more convenient method many people are going to use it. not all, but many. I don't think many people perceive there to be birth announcement traditions at all - just different ways of getting information out to people who may be interested, some of which are easier than others and some of which are more "blanket coverage" than others

And as I have said before, there have always been people that were more private than others - FB etc hasn't change that

OP, what SHOULD they have done?

I am curious.

I would say that delaying the big Facebook reveal until you had been able to send a picture message with the name to close family members (presuming there's only a small number of them) is entirely feasible and not too old fashioned!!

I would say that the genuine heartfelt delight of a close family member who will adore your child is nicer than a hundred likes and comments from everyone else but it's the latter that sometimes appeals to our vanity more!! I think if we are honest, convenience is not always the sole appeal of Facebook. The instant affirmation from a large amount of people has got to add to its appeal as a medium and that's just human nature! We all want to feel special - the posters and the readers!

I think it's more bizarre the announcing of deaths on Facebook. I had a friend (since removed from my newsfeed) who let us all know that her hamster had died, complete with photo evidence!!