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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to insist DH take a shower

90 replies

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 02:43

DH fell and either cracked or bruised his ribs a week ago. He spent the 1st 2 days bedridden. He is up around somewhat the past 3 days. He is having bad spasms at times in his back and ribs.

He hasn't had a shower in over a week now. He is filthy and he reeks.

I am urging him to take one and he is refusing saying he can't stand there that long. I don't believe him. I have offered to put a chair in the shower and anything else to help but he refuses.

Today I got kind of mad at him for refusing. I finally said do you think I am stupid? and he said I was having a go at him.

AIBU to insist he have a shower?

OP posts:

BustiKate · 06/10/2014 02:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elephants01 · 06/10/2014 02:48

YABVU

steff13 · 06/10/2014 02:48

I guess you can't make him, but you don't have to associate with him until he has one, I don't think. Doesn't he have to go to work tomorrow?

steff13 · 06/10/2014 02:50

But if he's embarrassed about it certainly he could have come up with some sort of a solution on his own. A sponge bath, maybe?

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 02:56

I would say he is somewhat a shower dodger.

Why do I think he is lying? He can stand perfectly fine in the kitchen. He is sitting right now at his computer perfectly fine.

My main worry is him getting a skin infection.

Second is trying to lie in the same bed, is very stinky. plus getting the mattress filthy as he won't lie on a sheet.

OP posts:

steff13 · 06/10/2014 02:57

Why won't he lie on a sheet?

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2014 03:07

The showering thing is meh, the no sheet thing is very odd.

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 03:09

I think he is afraid of getting tangled in it. He moves around and pulls it off the bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 03:12

Maybe I am being unreasonable after all.

OP posts:

steff13 · 06/10/2014 03:19

I don't really think you are, but I'm in the minority, it appears. He can shower or not, but I'd ask him to sleep elsewhere if he stinks.

If he was concerned about it, he could let you help him in the shower or a bath or come up with some other solution. It sounds like he doesn't care.

Only1scoop · 06/10/2014 03:25

Has he seen a dr?

giraffescantboogie · 06/10/2014 03:26

Yuck. Work out when pain meds help most and shower then.

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 06/10/2014 03:40

From the sounds of things I don't think YABU. The sheet thing is very odd. If he can sit at a computer he can sit in the shower. At the very least he could sit in a chair and ask you to give him a sponge wash, or a gentle go over with a pack of baby wipes. There is no excuse for being filthy and smelly.

I could not sleep next to that and I would not tolerate the nonsense about the sheets.

steff13 · 06/10/2014 03:43

About the sheets - you can get those straps that keep the fitted sheet on the bed. Our sheets are very smooth and won't stay on, but those have worked wonderfully.

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 03:53

I got mad at him because I used to be a nurse and instead of listening to what I have to say, as a nurse, he goes and looks it up on the internet.

He wasn't drinking any fluids and I urged him to drink and get up and move around a little so he wouldn't get blood clots, constipation, kidney infection, pneumonia etc. but he just wouldn't cooperate until he looked it up online and the medical sites were saying the same thing.

He is doing much better as in up all day, sitting at his computer for the past 3 days. I don't see there is any real reason not to have a quick wash at this point. The heat would probably feel nice on his back.

OP posts:

maras2 · 06/10/2014 05:34

No need for not showering.People have showers 24 hrs. post open heart surgery.Keep nagging or make him sleep somewhere else.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 06/10/2014 05:37

Does he always not sleep on a sheet? Or is it since he has hurt himself? And surely fitted sheets dont tangle around people.

Sounds like he is getting cabin fever.

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 06:06

It's just since he hurt himself.

Yeah, I've never let a patient be filthy.

He's been getting up walking around all over the house.

OP posts:

HolgerDanske · 06/10/2014 06:30

Yeah he needs to take a shower.

And if he really can't, he can wash himself all over with a hot soapy washcloth.

Seriously, he needs to have a sheet on the bed.

HolgerDanske · 06/10/2014 06:30

And no you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Yuck.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 06/10/2014 06:39

You're sleeping in bed with a filthy unwashed man and no sheet on the bed? You're far more patient than I. That would just not happen in my house. Zero tolerance. I'm feeling like retching just thinking about it. Of course he should have a shower! Unless he's immobile on the bed he can shower, dirty bastard. That's 7 days worth of urine and faeces particles crusting up round his fetid groin. 7 days worth of sweat overlaying sweat in his crevices. Ugh.

BorisBaby · 06/10/2014 06:46

Has he seen a doctor he sounds like he is I'm a lot of pain. I pulled a muscle under my rib a while ago and that hurt so much I had to see a doctor for strong painkillers. Maybe some strong painkiller's will make him feel well enough to shower.

Krakken · 06/10/2014 06:51

Yanbu.
Yuk I would be having a go to. Will he sit in a bath?
Not ideal after a week of filth ones but better than nothing!

CSIJanner · 06/10/2014 07:02

Give him two options. Shower with chair, or garden and hosepipe.

SanityClause · 06/10/2014 07:25

Can you get Dr Google to confirm the skin infection risk?

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