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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to insist DH take a shower

90 replies

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 02:43

DH fell and either cracked or bruised his ribs a week ago. He spent the 1st 2 days bedridden. He is up around somewhat the past 3 days. He is having bad spasms at times in his back and ribs.

He hasn't had a shower in over a week now. He is filthy and he reeks.

I am urging him to take one and he is refusing saying he can't stand there that long. I don't believe him. I have offered to put a chair in the shower and anything else to help but he refuses.

Today I got kind of mad at him for refusing. I finally said do you think I am stupid? and he said I was having a go at him.

AIBU to insist he have a shower?

OP posts:

MrsCumbersnatch · 06/10/2014 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justwhateverreally · 06/10/2014 07:32

Yuk. Hot flannel wipe down?
I'd be sleeping elsewhere tbh.

Gorgeously · 06/10/2014 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JubJubBirds · 06/10/2014 07:44

Gross. Show him ask our responses and see what he says about washing then.

Seriously though, if he can stand for 2 minutes he can stand at the sink and wash with a flannel. He can sit on the toilet and wash with a flannel if he really can't cope with standing up. YANBU.

Spaceboundeminem · 06/10/2014 07:45

I think yabu. I have bipolar 1 when psychotically depressed I have gone longer without a shower or bath. I am completely bed bound though. I think he should be allowed to shower when he feels able.

littledrummergirl · 06/10/2014 07:47

You are a better person than I am. We paid a lot of money for a good mattress and we looj after it. Mattress protector washed regular along with clean sheets weekly.

Sleeping on the mattress is just wrong imo and to then not shower for a week. Ugggh.

I would be looking for seperate beds at the least.

Fairylea · 06/10/2014 07:47

He's being a drama queen.

If he can stand at the sink or sit straight to use the computer then he is perfectly capable of having a shower.

The next day after having a c section that went horribly wrong and losing 2.5 litres of blood and 3 blood transfusions I was made to get up and have a shower.

Same with my mum who fell and cracked 3 ribs recently and was taken to hospital.

It's good to move about - as you know - if he can he should be moving as much as he can. He should have a bloody shower!!

lavenderhoney · 06/10/2014 07:51

Shower with him and wash him? If he can't move about?

And that's really odd about the sheet. A fitted sheet won't come loose. Just put a sheet on the bed. Has he become entantangled previously?

diddl · 06/10/2014 07:57

is your shower one that is over the bath?

If so, surely he could just sit in the bath & you hold the shower head over him?

If not can he not stand in the shower to do his legs & er bits & then kneel?

mausmaus · 06/10/2014 08:01

can he it in he bath?

having had a broken rib, it really hurts esp with those twisty movements that you need to do to soap up.

wannabestressfree · 06/10/2014 08:02

I had stomach surgery two weeks ago and haven't showered yet as cannot get dressings wet.
I stand every morning at the sink for a full strip wash and did so from the morning after onwards.
There is no excuse.

Sirzy · 06/10/2014 08:07

No excuse for not cleaning even if not a shower he can still have a good all over wash

micah · 06/10/2014 08:08

Bath. A soak in the hot water will help too.

Why though, why is he sleeping on a bare mattress? I'm not particularly bothered about most things clean, but that is beyond even my limits!

I'd be getting my own bed and new mattress with clean sheets and leaving him to sort his own bed out.

Penfold007 · 06/10/2014 08:17

YANBU not showering or strip washing sleep directly on the mattress is disgusting. He needs to get in the shower and then go and see his GP.

whois · 06/10/2014 08:19

It would be good for his bogey md mind to get clean.

DP hurt himself a few years ago and found ly physically move to wash himself. I went in the shower with him while he stood still I did the soaping and rinsing. That might be an option?

I didn't hassle him to shower tho, he asked!

Fairylea · 06/10/2014 08:23

bogey and mind

LittleBearPad · 06/10/2014 08:38

The sheet thing is weird. And the shower thing unreasonable. A sponge bath is the akternative.

Router off, shower on!

Icimoi · 06/10/2014 08:45

Can you not insist on giving him a bed bath if he really won't shower?

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 06/10/2014 12:05

I didn't think there was much of an excuse. I got in the shower a day after having surgery and with a flannel at the sink when I couldn't get dressings wet. Every patient in hospital I've ever cared for has been kept clean.

I went to the Chemist and got him strong pain tablets and he is only taking them at night now. He can sit in his chair all day without taking a tablet. He can stand in the shower for a quick rinse. I can hand the soap to him.

He gets stubborn like this every once in awhile about things.

I'll have to have the mattress cleaned.

OP posts:

HolgerDanske · 06/10/2014 12:07

Sounds a bit like a toddler...

cherrybombxo · 06/10/2014 12:08

Yes, force him to have a shower! My DP is a soap dodger and it's disgusting, but he gets really shirty when I bring up the fact that he should probably have a bath.

Only1scoop · 06/10/2014 12:09

Get the dodger in the shower....if he's doing all that he can surely wash

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 06/10/2014 12:12

Good grief I couldn't live with a habitual soap dodger.

My kids were brought up to shower/bath every day by us and I don't understand anything less in a healthy person.

He sound stand on a towel and sponge down.

Yeuk.

babykonitsway · 06/10/2014 12:13

definitely not BU. if he can stand at the computer he can stand in the shower for 5 mins. go in with him so he doesn't need to bend or anything. the heat from the water will be soothing as well for him.

trulybadlydeeply · 06/10/2014 12:32

How often does he shower usually?

Is he managing to get dressed and undressed independently? i.e into pyjamas at night, then back into clothes in the morning (and is he wearing clean clothes each day???). IMO, one of the worst things about showering when in pain or after surgery is the getting dressed and undressed (as you say the hot water will probably be soothing), so if he can manage that I think he is just making excuses.

He is an adult and he is obviously entitled to shower and wash as and when he wants, although changes in self care can sometimes be an indicator of mental health problems. If this is simply a choice he is making, then obviously it is entirely up to him, but likewise it is entirely up to you whether you want to share a bed with him, or even be in the same room as him!

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