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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my OH to sack this person right now

151 replies

whataloadofoldshit · 05/10/2014 12:07

I'm not being unreasonable, but if my DP doesn't sack this person today it's going to cause some massive issues.

Some background information... My DP owns quite a large roofing business and often goes to the jobs to make sure everything is going smoothly. This morning one of the guys couldn't make it so DP went along to give the other men a hand. I popped up there about 10ish to drop DP some lunch off and there was a new guy there, has done a couple of jobs for DP before, he's about 50, lots of experience etc. I had the kids with me and we were all exchanging pleasantries... Until this guy blurted out 'Look! There's a monkey!'. So my children turn around trying to spot the monkey. There wasn't a monkey, he was talking about a black man walking down the road. Obviously I assumed there were not people in the world that really thought like this or let alone said things like that in this world anymore. The children are none the wiser and I said nothing, just turned round again. I made a quick exit, after giving DP a very pissy look.

I am not happy. I'm not sure what DP thinks. I am going to ask him what the hell it was all about this evening, but am I being unreasonable in asking him to sack that racist piece of shit straight away tomorrow?

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 06/10/2014 09:15

Your hubby needs to say something to the man, just as he should say something if he was yelling out sexist things too. He is working for your hubby's company. Representing the company if you like. If I was passing and heard that I would not be desperate to give your hubby's company my custom. Seriously, this needs to be addressed, and soon.

If I wanted work done on a house and passed some builders yelling out that shit, they would not be working on my house let me tell you!!!!

Original poster
whataloadofoldshit · 06/10/2014 09:19

Exactly Death, that's the implications it could have on DP's business so I'm relieved he won't be coming back.

Jingle, not sure if you've read the thread but I have explained why I didn't challenge him. I've also just explained why DP won't address it until Friday. My DP has plenty of people he could use to fill in this mans position in the job, but he would rather keep professional and within the law.

Not sure why I'm starting to be attacked, or what feels like it when I've not done anything wrong....

OP posts:
Bakeoffcakes · 06/10/2014 09:19

Gosh I think your DP is handling this very badly. He should have said something as soon as the dc were out if the way. You can't let comments like that just go!
I sacked our gardener for saying "have you seen there's a darkie in the pub"Angry I challenged him straight away! I didn't want someone like that on my property.

Bakeoffcakes · 06/10/2014 09:22

Your H doesn't need to sack him until Friday, if thats what he wants, but he does need to tell him not to use language like that! He could be saying these things every time a black person walks past. Does your DP want his business associated with that kind of thing?

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 06/10/2014 09:29

In my view, if you don't challenge it, you're condoning it.

You should have said something, it would actually be a better example to your children than implicitly condoning it. It's never a bad example to challenge racism, is it? Your DP certainly should have challenged him, it's obvious why he's waiting until the job is finished FFS.

It really really fucks me off when people hear other people say something rasict, sexist, disabalist, homophobic, whatever - AND DO NOTHING.

This is exactly hey people think they can get away with saying shit like this. He should have been called up on it straightaway.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 09:30

Nobody is attacking you.

We're asking why your DP didn't tell the guy it was unacceptable to make racist remarks at the time. Not why he didn't throw him off the site immediately.

Original poster
whataloadofoldshit · 06/10/2014 09:32

Bake, yes of course my DP wants his business associated with stuff like that Confused You sacked your gardener that easily because you could, this situation is different.

Yes moaning, that's right. He's just contracted for this job at the moment.

I can't answer questions like that Koala because I'm not my DP. He may have a quiet word with him before Friday but I'm not sure.

OP posts:
moaningminnie2 · 06/10/2014 09:32

Why can't your DH tell him to watch his mouth and then not hire him again.
If I was your DH I would be very wary of burning any bridges.I don't think some people on here realise how difficult it can be to find good tradesmaen at short notice at busy times

Original poster
whataloadofoldshit · 06/10/2014 09:36

Koala I imagine he didn't say anything at the time because he didn't want a scene at a customers house and he wanted to remain professional and consult other site managers for tier opinion today - he doesn't know how that guy could have reacted. He could have been nasty, we don't know. It's nothing to do with finishing the job, if he could within the law sack this guy today, he would, but he can't. My DP's business is worth millions - there are plenty of other people that could fill in the position immediately.

I support my DP with how he had handled this and how he's going to finish it.

OP posts:
Original poster
whataloadofoldshit · 06/10/2014 09:37

Yes moaning you're right, the building trade is all about word of mouth and keeping friendly with people - this is why how my DP has handled it is the way best way forward.

OP posts:
YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 06/10/2014 09:41

If I heard a manager not calling someone up on being racist, I wouldn't think they were being professional at all, in fact I would think the they/the firm condoned it. Or of course, if they didn't condone it, that they were just a coward.

Bakeoffcakes · 06/10/2014 09:45

"If I was your DH I would be very wary of burning any bridges.I don't think some people on here realise how difficult it can be to find good tradesmaen at short notice at busy times"

Oh yes, don't upset a racist idiot, incase it affects your businessHmm

Original poster
whataloadofoldshit · 06/10/2014 09:47

I'm going to hide this thread, causing me a lot more upset than it's worth. I'm not sure what I've said that's wrong - thanks for the advice guys.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcakes · 06/10/2014 09:48

I'd also say it works the other way too. If potential customers know a company condones/ignores resist employees, they won't come within a mile of you.

Bakeoffcakes · 06/10/2014 09:50

You haven't said anything wrong.

Your DP just needs to have a word with this man and tell him not to racially abuse people walking past his site!

wanttosqueezeyou · 06/10/2014 09:54

I don't think some people on here realise how difficult it can be to find good tradesmaen

I don't think people here consider overtly racist employees to be good tradesmen.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 09:54

Okay, well, you're not your partner so I suppose there's only so much you can tell us. But this doesn't make much sense.

People who own multi-million dollar building businesses don't wait until the next day to ask other site managers their opinion over a simple thing like this. If a contractor made a disgustingly racist comment, on the job, and in front of them and their family, they would pull them aside asap and tell them it wasn't on.

How does he know the guy is not saying the same things for the rest of the week??

As for 'he doesn't know how that guy could have reacted' and 'he could have been nasty' - they sound like excuses. You said he's worked for your partner before, and there were other people there - a perfectly safe situation in which to say 'That language is unacceptable in this workplace'.

Glad you think your partner has handled it well, because I think he's just condoned racism.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/10/2014 10:53

moaningminnie2

He is a subbie then not an employee. Good tradesmen are hard to find and to be honest most customers are much more interested in good workmanship and the job finished on time, than stuff like this.

stuff like this Hmm

Nice bit of downplaying there eh?

I must not be 'most customers', because I certainly wouldn't want my money paying a tradesman who thinks it's ok to be racist. But maybe I'm being sensitive to 'stuff like this' and can't dismiss it as easily because I've been on the receiving end of racism.

TrevaronGirl · 06/10/2014 11:39

"The guy is contracted for this job only"

That makes life far easier for everyone then. No problems with employment tribunals or the like. As someone else mentioned earlier self-employed sub contractors are the usual arrangements in the construction industry.

Just out or interest, was the site in a metropolitan area? I have heard similar remarks from builders in this part of the country (not directly about someone near the site but just general comments)

captainmummy · 06/10/2014 12:34

I don't think some people on here realise how difficult it can be to find good tradesmen* - no it isn't. Not for big building companies, who can use you as a tradesman for months on end, paying well, and promptly. It may be hard for a normal householder to find a tradesman (cos they're all on site) to do a small job for a couple of days, not knowing when they will be paid, fitting in a job here and there, not knowing precisely what the householder wants (cos she'he can't verbalise it in professional terms) and getting grief when the job takes longer or is more difficult.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 12:45

What a bloody annoying thread. OP flounces off as soon as people start asking perfectly reasonable questions. Hmm

Nomama · 06/10/2014 13:09

Yes, bloody annoying as OP has 'flounced off' after explaining how the man will be dealt with. Within employment law, at the earliest naturally occurring opportunity, possibly with a discussion between now and then (she wouldn't know as she isn't his employer)...

Yes, she really is the unreasonable one. Do any of you baying for blood actually live in the real world? The one where what you want sometime has to be put aside for what is possible and legal?

KoalaDownUnder · 06/10/2014 13:20

Actually, Nomama, I'm a lawyer. Living firmly in 'the real world'.

There is nothing in Australian employment law that precludes you from giving a verbal warning to an employee who is making racist comments in the workplace. I can't speak to the UK, but I would be very surprised if ALL her partner can legally do is have words with the guy in a week's time.

And in fact, here, as an employer you are legally obliged to provide a harassment-free workplace. The OP's husband would possibly have a legal obligation to his other employees to pull this bloke up on his behaviour.

augustusglupe · 06/10/2014 13:42

OP I can understand that maybe you were so shocked and dumbfounded that you said nothing. Luckily the children were non the wiser and hurried away.
Personally, I know I would've seen red and told the racist idiot what I thought of him. I've never actually heard anyone in RL say something like this tbh (thank god!) but if I did I would have to tackle them, I think you would've felt better, but maybe you were just too taken aback and I can understand that.
As for your DP though I think racism has to be dealt with and cut down in its tracks. This is such a seriously unacceptable comment to make, that a word in the employees ear later in the week really won't do!

LittlePeaPod · 07/10/2014 06:26

do any of you baying for blood actually live in the real world? The one where what you want sometime has to be put aside for what is possible and legal?

I live in the real world running a division in the UK for a global organisation. We have HR and separate Legal teams handling employment law for our business in the UK and UK employee rights. I can assure you Nomama under these circumstances any employee heard saying what this man said would be immediately dismissed under our gross misconduct policy. No questions asked.