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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel a bit hurt and left out?

89 replies

MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 13:54

Last year myself, sil, mil Dniece and Dsd went to a show. It was a lovely evening.

Just found out that they have all booked tickets to go again this year. But not invited me.

I don't want to mention it to anyone, not even dp, because I'm probably being petty, and it's a nice thing for them all to do together as family, but I can't help feeling really hurt that I wasn't included as part of the family outing.

OP posts:
upduffedsecret · 03/10/2014 13:58

that's not at all nice of them :(

cherrybombxo · 03/10/2014 13:59

So every single one of them is going but they haven't invited you? That's a bit shitty Confused

Has something happened between any of you? I'd definitely bring it up, but not in an angry manner. Just mention it casually and see what they say.

HarlowTulip · 03/10/2014 14:00

It's not petty and I'd feel hurt too.

I'm someone who would say - its so lovely that you're going to see x again as it was so good last year.

Just to see what they would say.

I'm sure if there no underlying issues then it wouldn't have been meant maliciously so try not to be too hurt x

Wonc · 03/10/2014 14:01

Yanbu. That is mean.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:01

It's come totally out of the blue though, because I get on really well with them all and thought we are quite close? I class sil as a close friend and have never had any issues with mil, she really likes me as far as I know?

Last year mil bought me my ticket but then dp gave her money for mine and dad's tickets, so it's not like I was sponging off them last year.

They've been discussing it and how much they are looking forward to it in front of me, and I just get really awkward.

OP posts:
Bigoldsupermoon · 03/10/2014 14:02

Sorry you're feeling a bit hurt, OP - it's never nice to feel left out. Just to offer another POV, though, could it be (if I'm reading your list of family members right) that your MIL and SIL might want some mum/daughter time together with SIL's kid/s? I'd be inclined to feel a bit less miffed if that's the set-up, I think. x

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:02

Dad is meant to say dsd.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/10/2014 14:02

Yanbu I would,d feel very hurt, you have been slighted like that. I would mention it to dp about it, merely to get it if my chest, it's up to him if he mentions it to his mum.

mrsminiverscharlady · 03/10/2014 14:02

YANBU. I would want to suggest to that you all go again this year, without mentioning that you know they are already going, just to see what they say.

I'm sure it's just thoughtlessness rather than anything personal towards you though. x

NorwaySpruce · 03/10/2014 14:03

It does sound a bit mean.

Who booked and paid for the tickets this year and last? It's an expensive outing, and perhaps they felt bad inviting you, but asking you to pay for yourself?

Are you close the rest of the year? If so, just ask too tag along.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:03

It's not just sil's kids though, it's her daughter and my dp's daughter.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/10/2014 14:05

It's not nice talking about it in front of you, like rubbing your face in it. I woukd have said, oh shame I woukd have lived to have gone, I really enjoyed it last year!

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:06

If I mentioned it thy would probably invite me along but I would feel like a total tag along.

I'm just worried that if I mention it to dp then it becomes an 'issue' whereas if I just pretend I hadn't noticed/that it hadn't bothered me then it will just blow over.

I don't like confrontation

OP posts:
NorwaySpruce · 03/10/2014 14:07

Is your step-daughter's mother going, OP? Perhaps they feel it would be awkward?

Bowlersarm · 03/10/2014 14:07

Yanbu.

Is it possible that they forgot who actually went last year, and have overlooked (rather than purposely omitted) you?

MagratsHair · 03/10/2014 14:08

I agree with Aero next time they bring it up say 'oh are you going this year? That's nice, I'd like to go again too' then let it drop.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:08

No, dsd's mum isn't going

OP posts:
coughdrops · 03/10/2014 14:10

I'd feel a bit left out too.

Maybe your MIL just wanted to treat her daughter and granddaughters? Are they the only "girls" in her family, does she have other daughters/granddaughters?

Not saying you're not family, but maybe she just didn't think? I'd still be wondering though!

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:13

I think it is a bit like a family girls day out, but it's a bit upsetting to not be included as family.

Perhaps that is a bit unreasonable because I'm not technically I suppose.

OP posts:
MarysDressSways1 · 03/10/2014 14:18

I would mention it in passing to your dp, but I'm not one to keep quiet!

mrsminiverscharlady · 03/10/2014 14:19

I know you said you don't like confrontation, but you can either say something to them or just try and ignore them. What about the next time they start talking about it saying something along the lines of: 'hey, it's really quite rude to talk about this trip in front of me when I wasn't invited'. Cos that's the bottom line, they didn't have to invite you, but rubbing your nose in it is just mean.

coughdrops · 03/10/2014 14:21

If she has other DILs who aren't going, I'd imagine it's just "family", but if you are her only DIL, I can see why you'd be upset. I would be too.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/10/2014 14:36

You could get your DP to mention you're feeling a bit left out and see what they say. I agree it's v hurtful.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:43

I'm the only dil. Sil is dp's only sibling

OP posts:
Mammanat222 · 03/10/2014 14:46

I'd have to mention it, at least to DP.

It could just be an oversight (hopefully) but yep I can totally see why you would feel left out.