Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel a bit hurt and left out?

89 replies

MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 13:54

Last year myself, sil, mil Dniece and Dsd went to a show. It was a lovely evening.

Just found out that they have all booked tickets to go again this year. But not invited me.

I don't want to mention it to anyone, not even dp, because I'm probably being petty, and it's a nice thing for them all to do together as family, but I can't help feeling really hurt that I wasn't included as part of the family outing.

OP posts:
ecuse · 03/10/2014 14:52

I think it's really mean of them to have had a day out with you last year, recreated it without inviting you this year and then have the front to talk about how much they're looking forward to it IN FRONT OF YOU?!?! That's just bizarre.

In their position if I'd somehow decided I wanted to go without you I would at minimum have tried to keep it under wraps. Not just blatantly talk about it with you sat there.

What does your DP think? Is there any chance they have actually bought a ticket for you and are assuming you're coming? Cause it's just... ODD.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:54

Nope definitely not assuming that I'm coming because Dniece asked me if I was coming and I had to say no, which they heard.

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyQS · 03/10/2014 14:55

What is your relationship with your dp like? Do they know something you dont?

maras2 · 03/10/2014 14:56

Rotten sods.That's very unkind.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 14:58

Relationship with dp is perfect

OP posts:
ecuse · 03/10/2014 15:00

Honestly, it's just weird and mean. YADNBU. If you're close to SIL could you ask her what's going on when the others aren't around?

peasandlove · 03/10/2014 15:02

Maybe they all assumed you were invited but nobody did actually invite you iyswim

Aeroflotgirl · 03/10/2014 15:04

Very mean IMO, if your going to do that be discreet about it, not rub op face in it. I could not keep quiet, next time they are rude enough talk about it in front of you, I woukd say Awww synch a shame I would liked to have gone too, ah well mabey next time.

Keepcalmanddrinkwine · 03/10/2014 15:05

I would have to say something. Bad enough to not invite you but tactless and hurtful to talk about it in front of you. Could you get tickets and go with a friend? Then you can go on about what a great time you had too.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 15:08

It's a show that is aimed at children so wouldn't really be able to go with a friend

OP posts:
YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 03/10/2014 15:16

Is there any chance that they may surprise you with a ticket? I have this with dh's mum, sis and her dd. I get that they will do stuff together and not think to invite me and my kids but I'm tired of hearing about these amazing places they've been for lunch or days out (paid for by my well to do mil) and yet we never get a look in. Dh occasionally reminds his mum that her other child (him) also has children who'd like some time with her but it invariably gets ugly and she gets upset.

When I was pg with ds ( now 10) she offered to look after him for two afternoons a week so I could go back to work. After he was born this was changed to one afternoon. After her doing it for a month fil ( not her) rang dh and cancelled the arrangement saying it was too much for her. Fair enough. However when her dd went back to work 7 months later she took her granddaughter on full time. 8am-4.30pm five days a week. Dh was so upset but I understood. That's her daughters child and as I'm not her daughter I didn't stand a chance. Now I don't ask for anything from them and tell dh to keep his feelings to himself. It doesn't change anything. Out of their 8 grand kids, our 3 are well and truly bottom of the pecking order. Last year they organised a trip to the panto for the grand kids. Ours weren't included. They never are.

Keepcalmanddrinkwine · 03/10/2014 15:26

Was it a children's show last time? If not, that could explain the lack of invitation. They may have thought you wouldn't fancy it.
(Grasping at straws here.)

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 15:28

It was a children's show last time as well. It's Disney on ice.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 15:29

It's a show aimed at kids, so that probably explained it. Maybe they assumed you just wouldn't want to go. I honestly would assume someone wouldn't want to go before assuming that they would iyswim?
Maybe mil decided to take dsd and then SIL decided to go along?

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 15:31

What I'm thinking has happened is last year my dp suggested that they invite me, so they did out of politeness. I'm guessing dp didn't mention it this year because he assumed they would invite me again and now is embarrassed himself about my being excluded? That's another reason I don't want to mention it to him because I think if I told him how much it's hurt me then he would feel really bad because ya his family, and I would rather just try and get over it rather than spreading the hurt.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/10/2014 15:58

That explains it a bit, mabey they dident want to ask you the first time as it's granny, Auntie and niece time, and something they just wanted to do the 3 of them. To talk about it in front if you, and to rub your face in it, very rude. Can you not see it with a friend.

LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 15:59

Op do you have kids?

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 16:01

Lady Luck, no I don't, not sure why that's relevant?

OP posts:
onedev · 03/10/2014 16:02

I think you should at least mention it to your DP to get it off your chest & also I think it's worth clearing the air with things like these otherwise they fester so I'd likely ask them if you'd done something to offend them as you'd such a good time last year & so actually feel disappointed this year & would like to understand why.

Good luck Op as it's a pretty rotten thing to happen to you.

LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 16:03

I'm asking because I think maybe they assume that you would not be interested in it because it's a kids show? Tbh I wouldn't think to invite someone as I would probably assume they wouldn't want to go to a kids show. And maybe they openly talk about it because in their mind it's what they assume? To me that would make sense.

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 16:05

But from how I see it I have a parental role with my dsd, and would have loved to be there with them to see her enjoying it.

I'm maybe just struggling with the difficulty of knowing where you stand being a step parent.

OP posts:
NorwaySpruce · 03/10/2014 16:09

I think LadyLuck10 asked about children as the day has clearly been organised for them.

A a grandmother is taking her grandchildren to see a children's show.
Her own daughter is going too, probably for moral support, more than a love of ice skating Disney characters Grin

As you are neither daughter nor grandchild, she probably didn't think you'd be genuinely interested in it.

Did your step daughter not just assume you'd be coming?

LadyLuck10 · 03/10/2014 16:10

Do they get to spend time alone with her without you or your DH? Maybe it's something that they would want to do just them. It is hurtful to exclude you but maybe it's just not anything personal against you.
If you get along with them well, and they openly spoke in front of you maybe they just assume you would get it, as in them wanting to spend time alone with her rather than it being about leaving you out?

Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 16:12

Both my dsd and niece asked if I was going but it was obvious that tickets had been bought and that I hadn't got one.

I go to all the 'obligiatry' parent things and really enjoy them, such as dance shows, end of term school concerts, picking and dropping off at dance class etc. dp knows it's important to me to do these sorts of things, and how much inclusion means to me.

Maybe I'm trying too hard to be one of the family.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsMarvel · 03/10/2014 16:14

Mil quite often takes dsd and Dniece out on Saturdays with sil, I work on Saturdays so can never go, although have been invited in the past if I'm off.

OP posts: