AIBU to have been upset over religion coming before medical reasons in hospital

[Mummytosurvivor25]

So in hospital with daughter , she has many heart n lung issues last week before we got moved to high dependant we were on general ward. Daughter has compromised lungs and a weak immune system but unless a patient has d&v you don't get isolated unless moved to high dependency.
Anyway on night 2 boys were admitted either side of daughter who had obvious wheezy coughs etc running around in to daughters cubicles I asked the nurse if we could move in to a cubicle and she said it wasn't possible.
A few hours later a girl aged about 12 came in who had a wheezy cough but again other than that fine but needed to reduce temperature anyway because of the temperature they asked of she could remove her head scarf
And they said no because no one could see her hair. So they gave her a cubicle ????

I'm. Not against any religion race WTc but surely health should come first anyway needless to say we ended up in high dependancy shortly after with a RSV something that my daughter can't fight off.
We were then discharged and she got rushed back in Saturday.

OP if you can, when your dd is better and home and things have settled, write and ask for an explanation.
I don't go with all this " you don't know the true facts" bollocks, I believe you heard what you say you heard.
Too many times people are so terrified of upsetting other races and/or religions and being branded a racist ( God forbid), that they will cater to their every whim.
I've seen it, I've experienced it and I believe it happens far too often.
Patient A- young child needs a cubicle as she is immuno suppressed and at risk.... No cubicles for you love.
Patient B- young lady with religious belief that hair shouldn't be shown ( but wouldn't actually DIE if it was) .... Oh look a cubicle, just for you.

I'm not racists, I'm just sick and tired of the racists bandwagon getting jumped on every time someone dares to suggest that they were treated unfairly due to other persons race/ religion.
I don't care if you're a Jedi knight and your skin colour is pink with green spots, if MY need is medically greater than yours then that's how it should be.

I don't blame the staff, I blame the whole system we have now.

My mother has had a lot of admissions recently.. er and everyone else had to stick to visiting hours. Husbands etc being asked to leave/not allowed on ward.

But every single time there has been one family on the ward who are there the whole time. Making lots of noise and phone calls Disturbing all the other patients.

One person there to translate fair enough (provided they remain quiet which sadly has never been the case) but whilst everyone else's families are forced to stick to visiting hours and visit on shifts to ensure they stick to the 2 per patient rule and yet entire families are staying all day every day and free to come and go with no numbers restrictions then I gnome. That could well be proof that there is an underlying fear that accusations will be made.

My mother was in tears through shear exhaustion practically daily because it was no stop.

Gnome?

Think

Naty when I originally asked there was no cubicle, normall daughter would get one.
This wasn't an assumption because when they first asked for the room for space they were refused so sure,y if it was for medical grounds they would have been moved then ?
Someone who mentioned the 2 boys there was no issue with moving them etc t was just I really didn't want them to compromise daughter which was t there fault but the fact we didn't have a cubicle.
Daughter is on home breathing support etc.
I don't believe my daughter is better than anyone else and deserves a private room because she is great and wonderful , I want her to be out in a safe environment where her risks to illness is as limited as it can be. Also tbf when you spend 4 week stretches here go home for a few days then another 4 weeks stretch being on a ward gets tiring as she is still young and with older kids / crying etc she doesn't sleep for weeks at a time if it was a few days I wouldn't mind that part if that makes sense.
I am not angry with the 12 yr old I'm angry at the situation with the nurses.

mrsdevere of course it could have happened the way the op describes. Why are you so adamant it didn't? Errors of judgement and mistakes are made in hospitals, the same way they are everywhere else and this could have been one of them.
I worked in a hospital for years and medical/nursing staff do make bad decisions sometimes, for a variety of reasons.

It may have been a bad decision.

i exist however there was now to it tab you are aware of. Maybe they are suspicious when she didn't remove the scarf and wanted to check she wasn't hiding some sign of abuse underneath? I wear a scarf myself so in not suggesting that Muslim girths wear then to hide bruises. Just that following big CP mess ups and serious case reviews i have noticed that not wanting to remove clothes raises eyebrows with HCP now. I have a big age gap so with my eldest daughter you wouldn't wake a sleeping baby fitr the HV give then a once over whereas with my youngest son it was expected you would strip them down for a quick check even if they were asleep and appeared perfectly healthy.

Or maybe the nurses were suggesting removing the scarf as a first step but were expecting she would need to remove more layers as time went on so thought somewhere more private would be better.

Or (i admit this is less likely based on my hospital experience) they realised the curtains weren't soundproof and wanted to discuss something with the girl/family without the whole Ward hearing.

MrsDe because when they are talking to a patient in bed a curtain is not soundproof!

I do understand your post, I just have spent many times in hospital with my dc . On frequent occasions I have heard confidential information as pulling a curtain round isn't sound proof.

You are naive if you think they would take the parents into an office to discuss patient care.

OP, your perception of the situation is that your DD was by passed for a cubicle when you felt that she had the greater clinical need. Whether this was the case or not, that is enough for you to ask for the incident to be looked into further. If it happened the way that you felt it did, something will be done about it but as people said there may be more to it than meets the eye.

I was involved in a horrible situation to do with property storage where I had to go against a patient's wishes. I hated doing it and it really upset my patient but I had to do what I did to remove an unacceptable risk of harm to other patients. I couldn't go into specifics with the patient in question to protect the confidentiality of the other patients so it just looked like I was being nasty. It was one of the worst days in my nursing career, even though I knew I'd done the right thing and my superiors were happy.

On the other hand, grateful as I am to MrsDeVere for sticking up for us, as hard as HCPs try, sometimes we do make stupid decisions and pointing them out helps us to learn from them and give the top quality care we want to give our patients.

How are you so sure she was 12?!

My cousin looks 12, but is actually 18.

I was taken into the private treatment room to discuss DS

Step door it was a children's ward!

Sirzy and that's the ideal but doesn't always happen.

Children's wards can take patients from birth up until 18 in most hospitals, and some will even take beyond that - if for example the patient has severe disabilities and would benefit heavily from being in the more comforting and relaxed environment that children's wards offer. Dsis had an operation in children's hospital when she was 18 (adenoid removal), she had a private en suite etc due to her additional needs and the age difference.

It doesn't, but you said it was naive of MrsDevere to say it would happen but it isn't when it does actually

Children ward is up to 18. So the child you assumed was 12 could very well have been 17.

I don't blame the nurses (or the child for that matter). It's easy to go along with that kind of thing even though it's wrong. They don't have the time or resources to do anything else. I blame the rest of us for allowing this kind of thing to become normal.

We've had plenty of variations on this. Medical staff who can't wash properly because of showing bare arms, letting people through customs because checking someone hidden by a mask is just too time consuming and so on.

We have to address this properly and decide what we want to do about it rather than leaving busy people to try and work around it.

Sitzy I missed out the word "always" as in you are naive to think they would always take the parents into an office.

Oh FFS with what is going on in this godforsaken world at the moment I am sick of people not being able to respect and tolerate other people's religious beliefs. Because basically that is what this comes down to.

If your dd needed a cubicle or private room and didn't get it you need to complain about that not about the girl getting a room due to not wanting to remove her headscarf.

If that's the case I'd get a headscarf for your daughter x