AIBU to have been upset over religion coming before medical reasons in hospital

[Mummytosurvivor25]

So in hospital with daughter , she has many heart n lung issues last week before we got moved to high dependant we were on general ward. Daughter has compromised lungs and a weak immune system but unless a patient has d&v you don't get isolated unless moved to high dependency.
Anyway on night 2 boys were admitted either side of daughter who had obvious wheezy coughs etc running around in to daughters cubicles I asked the nurse if we could move in to a cubicle and she said it wasn't possible.
A few hours later a girl aged about 12 came in who had a wheezy cough but again other than that fine but needed to reduce temperature anyway because of the temperature they asked of she could remove her head scarf
And they said no because no one could see her hair. So they gave her a cubicle ????

I'm. Not against any religion race WTc but surely health should come first anyway needless to say we ended up in high dependancy shortly after with a RSV something that my daughter can't fight off.
We were then discharged and she got rushed back in Saturday.

I agree with you 100%.

what do you think should have happened? The girl could not be treated in the ward effectively due to her refusal to remove her scarf, so do you think it should have been forcibly removed or do you think she should have been refused treatment. The equality act states that reasonable adjustments must be made this sounds like it was a reasonable adjustment.

Your issue is why they felt your daughter didn't need a private room at the point you asked. Why someone else was given one is irrelevant.

DS has has wheezy coughs and needed steroids in A&E but never been admitted so I'm surprised they take a decision to admit so lightly especially with a 12 year old not a baby.

I doubt you really know their medical history anymore than they know yours. I was admitted to hospital a few years ago - I looked fine, I sounded fine. In fact I was overlooked by A&E staff for some time as my minor niggle seemed low priority. But I was the one who was whisked off to a bed in A&E and ended up in a private room unable to leave the ward. No doubt there were many aggrieved people in A&E that night and later on the ward by my apparent special treatment. I laughed and chatted with people and didn't discuss with them my risk of spontaneous brain hemorrhage because why would I discuss that with a stranger? I went on to be immunosuppressed for some months whilst being treated which really isn't great when you have a toddler.

I am sympathetic to your daughter and her situation but feeling aggrieved about others situations is a sure fire way to madness. You need to have a conversation with her consultant about the risks of being admitted to a general ward and what he suggests. Don't make this about your assessment of someone else's need, because you will look a bit odd if you aren't careful.

she couldn't remove her headscarf because of religious reasons, but she needed to for medical reasons. The medical staff need to be sensitive to that whether you agree or not. And as you are not of their religion you clearly don't understand the complexities of why there is a need within that religion to not show her hair.

A hospital ward is not the place to argue the rights and wrongs of someone's religion, therefore the decision had to be made in the best interests of the current situation. If, for instance, the girl had refused to remove a head scarf because of say, the fact she was bald following chemo, or to remove a top because she had scars from self harming it's very likely the decision to move her to a cubicle would have been the same.

Obviously your own dd has severe and complex needs and as such this leads to your emotions running high, but to these parents and this girl her need was immediate as well, and children do not just get admitted to hospital with a cough - they really don't. No her long-term needs might not be the same as your daughter's, but her short term needs were immediate and needed to be dealt with then and there.

Hope your dd feels better soon :)

I presume you are discussing a private room not a curtained cubicle. If curtained cubicles prevent infection then you've just discovered a significant weapon in the fight against Ebola?!

Curtained cubicles are surely just a privacy issue?

she had a temperature that will be due to a potentially more serious underlying cause. you have attributed her veil wearing to the reason she was moved, but clearly she was in need of medical intervention.

why did you not tackle the behaviour of the boys by complaining and insisting they were moved? or the parents spoken to, that was your issue.

and yes, a child covering for religion/sexualisation fears is ludicrous. Those that consider a child as a sexual being are sick.

If she was only given a cubicle in priority over you because she wouldn't (not couldn't) take of her head scarf then YANBU. Although really, you don't know the full story.

Religion is treated like some sort of trump card it ends all discussion on how reasonable an action is. What would the parents have done if only male staff were available to attend to their daughter, refused her treatment like JW do with blood?

How is this religion coming before health? It's not as if both you and this other girl wanted/needed a private room simultaneously and they gave it to her over your daughter. They'd already refused your request much earlier on. The two decisions are not linked in any way.

His say my daughter was in with a temperature too all I'm saying is she was completely well enough the day after to go home.
There was no concern of moving her in to cubicle until this point.
And yes in our ward cubicles are private rooms which are for long term stays and for isolation reasons.
Daughter had waited 2 days to move if you had a compromised child you also wouldn't like toddler with colds coughs etc around them in a confined space.
If the girl had come in and they were already moving her in to a cubicle I wouldn't have questioned it.
It was the mum who said she was unable to remove it not the actual 12 yr old and they had previously asked for more space.
At the end of the day there was no need for my daughter to catch a cold and develop a RSV for the fact there was no cubicles and when one was there got given to so done for religious reasons.
And as for parents refusing treatment if that's what they would do I don't know if they would but if they did because of this then tbh I would be appalled.

Yes flowery because we were waiting for one to become free we has been waiting 2 days.

never mind I'm sure your medical care is the same as hers - doubs she's getting special magic drugs or anything - just a teeny bit more privacy

She is getting better medical care. She is away from other sick children which the OPs DD needs for medical, not religious reasons.

And why on earth are one group of people entitled to more privacy than any others? No one likes being on a mixed and busy ward.

I hate hate hate that religion gets any kind of different treatment in the Uk. We should go officially secular and if you don't like what the state has to offer you are welcome to pay privately for something which aligns better with your religious sensitivities.

No girl of 12 needs to cover her head in the UK. Even the Koran does not require it.

If she was only given a cubicle in priority over you because she wouldn't (not couldn't) take of her head scarf then YANBU.

Sorry I should have added if this decision compromised your daughters health by exposing her weakened immune system to danger.

I don't know why you bothered asking if you were BU. You've obviously decided you aren't.
You don't know why she was accommodated and you were refused but you've decided it was a religious issue.

The significance and risk of her raised temp is not something anyone can assess from an overheard conversation.
It's up to the ward team to assign side rooms on clinical and psychological need. It's not left to the public as everyones relatives believes their need is higher.

I wish your daughter well and am sorry you're having to go through all this.

no one NEEDS to cover their head though Greengrow it's a choice based on religious belief - once women/girls hit puberty they can make a choice to cover up - this 12 year old may well have done so.

it's nothing to do with seeing kids a sexual btw

for reasons known only to the staff treating er it was deemed necessary - so that's that really

getting wound up about it wont help anyone

I think it's likely that your dd had been exposed to rsv long before the private room became available so moving her after sharing loving space for a couple of days with infectious children would probably not have done any good. I think the real issue is the lack of rooms for children who for reasons of health and religion need to have privacy.

I agree with you totally. Religion should never trump medical need.

It is outrageous that your immuno compromised DD is being treated on an open ward.
You are angry at the wrong person for the wrong reasons

and yes THIS is the real issue x

I give up lol I have no issues with any religion I'm or out this country , and no my daughters colds go straight to her chest as I said we had gone home and got rushed back Sunday and now in high dependancy.
At the end of the day on the day we got in we were told when available cubicle was free she would get it.
I'm not saying she is getting better medical treatment I'm saying due to unable to move her headscarf is not a reason to remove the chance of moving a compromised 9 month old baby from a busy ward with kids who have infections and colds.
I may be unreasonable but it is t anyone else's child who ended up on Cpap again for the last week and has put more strain on her heart which now needs surgery when she is stable enough to get transferred to the heart hospital.
So yes I am angry and even if it isn't the cause it's prevention that could have been put in place.

Of course medical reasons should take priority over religious ones. I can't believe this is even open to discussion.
So if that is the whole story OP, then you are not U.

I think they should all be side rooms in these places.

YANBU, but unfortunately it's often the people who make most fuss who get what they want. Presumably even on the open ward there are curtains which can be drawn around the beds for privacy purposes? However, given that you had already been refused the room, or at least not immediately put in there when it became free, then the issue is more that your DD received inadequate care.

As your DD now has a hospital acquired infection (which presumably the hospital has to keep records of) can you use this to get her consultant to put a instruction in her notes that she should be high priority for isolation? And next time make more fuss.