Ok am posting here as am quite prepared to be flamed if that's what everyone thinks.
So I found an au pair on au pair world and she arrived at the start of May. Plenty of communication in advance and I even prepared a detailed list of what the role was and also a contract which had a 6 week notice period. For the avoidance of doubt I was paying £140 for 30 hours which is fair /generous for an au pair, included all food etc, and also I said that I was happy for the role to be done over 3 days and therefore have 4 days off. She was 29 years old and from Canada. So no language issues and not a teenager. Not that it really matters to the story, but we paid her by bank transfer, gave her payslips, paid for nanny insurance, police check, first aid course etc etc.
The chores to be done when the children were at school were normal au pair type chores - almost all connected to the children - tidying their rooms, their laundry, food, toys etc. The general stuff was totally minimum - emptying dishwasher, moving washing from washing machine to dryer, and also hovering attic stairs and landing given she was the only person using the stairs and landing. And of course keeping her own bedroom, bathroom and (tiny) kitchenette clean.
When she arrived she looked nothing like her photo on au pair world, as she was about 4 stone+ heavier, but of course I said nothing I just didn't recognise her at the airport when I collected her. Also she told me she was gluten free but we took her out for lunch on the first day and she ordered a sandwich, but again I didn't say anything.
The first weekend we went to a little cottage at the coast, and she wasn't helpful at all - eg at one point I was walking on the beach carrying a folded buggy, 3 year old son and a rucksack and she didn't offer to help me. Or just watched while we looked after the kids, prepared and cleaned up the food etc. I guess she saw it as the weekend so she wasn't on duty but I did feel if she wanted to come with she could have been a tiny bit helpful. I put her down to her being shy.
As we settled into the routine, she basically refused to hoover the attic stairs and hallway and several times I had to ask her to clean the kitchenette and bathroom as it really was left in a vile state - slimey worksurfaces / overflowing bins / left food out / etc. Of course I never went into her bedroom.
Often I'd come back from work (she looked after the kids for the 3 days I worked after work so 3.30-6pm) and she would be play on her phone and the kids playing on ipad / ipod. If I asked her to clean kids bedrooms was always done in half heartened way. She always put the clothes away in the wrong cupboards - eg Thomas tank age 3-4 pants in my 10 year old daughter's drawer (although do see that might be harder to distinguish the blue school socks as they all look the same) but as there is 4 years between DS1 and DS2 its pretty each to tell whose clothes are whose.
We had a few meetings with her when we sat down and tried to explain about the chores (which were not onerous) but I guess I got used to having to do it all in the evenings. By this point I really wasn't keen on her and I guess it probably became obvious although I always tried to remain polite. I knew she was doing no where near the 30 hours (but I was at work so couldn't see what was going on - I work 3 days a week). I also knew that when she was "looking after the kids" it meant her playing on phone in same room as them.
Last Monday I lost it - basically came home - she is playing on phone, (DS1 is out at self deference), DD and DS2 play in own rooms on ipad and ipod. I said to her, please could you next week ask DD to do her homework before she plays on her ipod. But the au pair said no she couldn't as she wouldn't remember. So I said ok then please put a reminder on her phone, but she said couldn't. So I said did she need me to put a reminder on my phone and I could text her and she said no, sorry she would be too busy. And anyway she was 10 couldn't she remember to do her own homework.
I was pretty upset, so I posted a new ad on au pair world, and told DH that he had to speak to her as I didn't trust myself not to shout at her, and also I hate conflict.
Anyway on Friday she said she is going away for the weekend with her friend, and she'd be back on Sunday night after midnight (starts work at 7.30am Monday morning). On Sunday pm my parents are visiting and my mum says, (we only moved into our house a few months ago) I haven't seen inside the nanny bedroom can I have a look. I said well she is away but ok have a quick peek. So my mum goes it and the au pair has done a runner!
I get a whatsapp at 6.30am on sunday saying I am a complete bitch and she saw my add on au pair world and no she isn't coming back. I am so scared on making the same mistake again.