to be pissed off with this work situation and how unfair it is?

[attilathenun]

Am probably bu but as i just got in from work am bit in the best mood!

I work in a small team. One is more junior, leaves bang on time every day due to a long commute and health 'issues' or makes a big fuss about it and ensures any extra time is got back.

There is one other person who is male. This is relevant.

He has little DC so insists on being home to do bedtime, comes in later because he needs to take them to school etc. Except he doesn't need to do it, he has a wife who could do it. He chooses to. Anyway, he gets to do this because he has a networked laptop and gets to say he's working from home. So when its sports day he wfh in morning,and goes to sports day in the pm. Same for nativity plays, carol concerts etc.

I don't have a laptop (well I do but its so old it's practically steam powered. And not networked). So I get no choice but to work at the office until 8pm. To stay late every time I'm in late, though not just then. I always have to account for my time.

The joke of it is I'm a lone parent. But I don't expect or ask for concessions, never have, but the rest of my team get them even though in my view they don't even need them. And all the fawning over male colleague for being such a great dad...my DC have never been anything other than an inconvenience to employers. Such bloody double standards!

Why go along with it though? If your employers are enlightened enough to support wfh, think of the difference it could make to you too! Worth getting another laptop for, surely...
It's unreasonable to demand his wife does something that he isn't willing to do. Why shouldn't it be him? The issue is really, does he get his work done.
Oh and yes it is annoying when someone gets to be dad of the year for doing something really basic. Many many men must still do none of this for it to be so rare.

If you don't ask for concessions then don't whinge when you don't get them. Why on earth don't you ask if you want them?

I can't use my own laptop. They can only use work ones as they have to be networked. My current, ancient, laptop is a work one but isn't suitable for networking. I cant get a new one as there is an IT freeze. Colleague has his because he brought that from another job.

My employers are enlightened if you're a middle class ex public schoolboy bring dad of the year. If you're a single parent with no family support like me you're stuffed. I don't have a spouse to help me like he does (as does other colleague who trots out the hubby works long hours card regularly. Which I cant, because I don't have one).

HR and/or Union?

I don't ask for concessions because many years ago it was made quite clear that doing so amounted to not being able to do my job. And then my career would be fucked. So I learned not to ask, because I've never been financially able to risk losing a job, as I don't have a spouse or family to bail me out.

There is NO WAY you should be working until 8pm. That is ridiculous.

Get your coat on when the younger man goes home and follow him out. Do it every time. Make sure you stick to your stated hours and that's it. If they want you to work outside those hours, they should a) buy you a laptop and b) pay you for your time.

Get tough! They cannot sack you for doing the same hours as everyone else.

You don't need concessions. You need to do your required hours. When the other guy (older one) says he's taking Friday pm off for sports day, you say immediately, "Oh yes, you've reminded me, I'll be taking Wednesday morning off for it." They cannot pull you up on it without pulling him up on it.

You have to be SO tough as a single parent.

Well I think it's pointless directing your ire at your colleagues - they've not made your working circumstances what they are.

Decide what it is that you want and then make your case to your boss - don't nitpick about what your colleague's wife should be doing with her time ffs.

But I don't think in this situation if you asked you would be threatened with the sack would you?

HR...i went to a training course they ran a couple of years ago. One of the scenarios we were asked to consider was a staff member with a young family who was late several times a week. I said if she made up her time Id have no problem. The HR director said that was wrong, and actually we'd need to remind her of her working hours and point out if she couldn't comply with them she was in breach of contract and could be dismissed.

So somehow I don't think I'd get any support from HR!

YABVU and you are also being a real martyr here.

Good on your male colleague for wanting to spend time with his family, and what a vile comment he has a wife who could do it. Why shouldn't he be able to spend time with his children?

Your employers obviously allow flexible working, so I have no idea why you think you have to be at work until 8pm.

You do have a choice. You leave work on time and you come in on time. Oh, and get yourself a laptop and make sure you get networked.

dont know if you could try doing a flexible working request but that may not help with getting a new laptop to enable you to work from home
but even still i would be working roughly my contracted hours and no more and see what happens

I don't understand the relevance of the staff member who is late several times a week scenario?

You've mentioned a colleague who does their hours then leaves on time, then another who is home in time to put his kids to bed (can't be leaving before alloted hours are up, surely?) and "comes in later" - you didn't say he comes in late.

Then, what, works from home for sports day and nativity, both of which happen once a year?

Sorry, you sound like you're martyring yourself and angry because no one appreciates it.

Stop doing it, go home on time.

I don't ask for concessions because many years ago it was made quite clear that doing so amounted to not being able to do my job

Just noticing you say "many years ago". Attitudes have moved forward massively in the last 10 years, including the ability to formally apply to your employer to support you in flexible working.

Attila, please try to get this sorted out with your employer because you could find it will make a massive difference to your work/ life balance.

Check out whether your employer has a flexible work policy as a starter.
Talk to them about possibilities and focus mainly on the positives in terms of your ability to work effectively at home, doing as many or more hours when you dont have to travel to and from the office. Maybe suggest you work from home 1 day per week and really prove how much you can get done in the day you wfh.

get yourself a networked laptop and go home on time.

I have reports and documents to complete which I have to do at work or on the network.

I can buy whatever laptop I want but it doesn't solve the problem. Cant do the work if I'm not networked, and IT dept is on a change freeze.

Requesting flexible working is pointless because I can't work from home as unlike colleague I don't have and cant get a networked laptop.

The point about his wife is that he isn't his DCs only parent. Therefore he doesn't need to be there for everything. He may well want to be, or choose to be. But it only needs one parent, whichever it is. Oh and re hours...he arrives around 9.30 and leaves at 5.01. Our office hours are 9-5. If I'm late I'm expected to make up my time in the office. He can make his up at home.

Sorry op, agree with the others. Stop being annoyed at colleagues because they have a better work life balance, you should be grateful to them, because if you want the same thing then there's already precedent within your team! Any refusal on the part of your employers will be clearly discriminatory in this context.
Also I think you might be surprised to learn how annoyed your colleagues could be with you. They prob don't appreciate you martyring yourself to long hours etc, because it makes their perfectly reasonable hours and WFH seem like slacking?
Sorry, feel like that's harsh, but I've worked with too many people who value 'presenteeism' over actual output and quality, and employees like you enable and support that culture unfortunately

I cant get a laptop connected to the company network. As I've said the IT dept won't do it.

So there is no chance of me working from home.

You are making things more difficult for yourself.
Who looks after your child till gone 8 at night? Who does the school run/pick up etc? It be costing you a fortune in childcare!
If work won't buy you a tap top, get them to upgrade yours, if it's slow tough, that's your works issue, point them in the direction of a refurbished one if money is tight, you can get one for £200 with 2 yr warranty.
You can't moan about something that you haven't asked for!!! If you don't ask you never get, if they turn round and say no,
Take them to tribunal?!?!

Just to add, appreciate the situation with the networking, but it's almost irrelevant. If office hours are 9-5 and you're regularly there late, then your workload is too high or you need some extra support. Present your case to management/hr for flexi working, you never know til you try?

If you buy a laptop, it's not going to cost the IT dept anything to network it!! If your colleague can do it, then so can you. Why not make an appt with your hr dept or boss and talk it through? And in the meantime, can you use a thumb drive to save docs on to take home? You sound v defeatist.

The incident I mentioned with the HR director was less than 2 years ago. Its a perfect example of when an employer could have suggested flexible working (because the notional employee was late due to children etc) but the HR view was to threaten dismissal. My employers
aren't that enlightened.

As for presenteeism, every manager I have had has always expected ne to account for my time. Power failure so train delays mean you're 10 mins late? Please state when and how you'll make up the time. Emergency GP appt so you need to leave at 4? Ok you'll have to be in by 8 so you can make up time the sane day. And so on...

The It department won't do it how? Won't install the software? (this might be money for licences) or won't give you the setup info? Won't give you access to the shared files and folders? Is your laptop not powerful enough to run the software or does it not comply with their security rules for being networked?

Do you have permission to work from home if you did have a "networked" laptop?

Sorry for questions, trying to get to what is stopping you from resolving it yourself by buying a new laptop as others have suggested.

I've worked places where they've had IT 'freezes' before, and this has never stopped them getting something done for a vital company project for example, or something else out of the norm if someone influential jumped up and down for long enough. It's not fair, but it happens. Ditto 'recruitment freezes' and budget restrictions. If the right person makes enough of a fuss, suddenly things get done. As I said, it's not always fair, but maybe you need to start making a fuss, or getting a manager on side who will?

Nothing will change unless you take action. So, what can you do about it?
Here are my suggestions.

1. the immensely old laptop can break. I don't understand why the male colleague could bring one in, and you can't, but perhaps he went from regional department to regional department. Whatever. It can break.

2. many years ago they intimated that you needing flexibility would be career suicide - well it's years on, you've kept your job, and times have changed. Request flexible working, and ensure in your justification that the business needs will be met. Hell, they've already established through custom and practise (your colleagues) that the business can take it.

3. look for another job. This one's terms and conditions don't suit you, you can leave. You've put years in, you're clearly good at your job.

4. join a union.

5. try to change the way you think about the situation. Clearly you are pissed off and I don't blame you, but stewing about its unfairness due to class/partners/gender/health etc. isn't helping you work your way out of it. There's no point expecting fairness from them, ain't going to happen. Start engineering the situation in your favour.

6. how did these two people get favourable terms? I expect they acted like they would get them, and so they do. For example, the network thing. Get a laptop and tell IT to configure it for the network. Tell them to do it. Change freeze? What, they are doing absolutely nothing at all whatsoever? It's a two minute job to configure a machine for a network. I know this. I work in IT. Get them told.

You can make this better for yourself. I totally get why you are upset and you have good reason to be. I've had similar myself and had to practise what I preach. Only you can change this, and you can do it, one way or another. Or rather by employing several strategies in different ways, oblique and direct, over a sustained campaign, you can do it.