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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with this work situation and how unfair it is?

140 replies

attilathenun · 02/10/2014 21:45

Am probably bu but as i just got in from work am bit in the best mood!

I work in a small team. One is more junior, leaves bang on time every day due to a long commute and health 'issues' or makes a big fuss about it and ensures any extra time is got back.

There is one other person who is male. This is relevant.

He has little DC so insists on being home to do bedtime, comes in later because he needs to take them to school etc. Except he doesn't need to do it, he has a wife who could do it. He chooses to. Anyway, he gets to do this because he has a networked laptop and gets to say he's working from home. So when its sports day he wfh in morning,and goes to sports day in the pm. Same for nativity plays, carol concerts etc.

I don't have a laptop (well I do but its so old it's practically steam powered. And not networked). So I get no choice but to work at the office until 8pm. To stay late every time I'm in late, though not just then. I always have to account for my time.

The joke of it is I'm a lone parent. But I don't expect or ask for concessions, never have, but the rest of my team get them even though in my view they don't even need them. And all the fawning over male colleague for being such a great dad...my DC have never been anything other than an inconvenience to employers. Such bloody double standards!

OP posts:
WhoDaresWins · 02/10/2014 22:37

Just leave at 5. What's stopping you?

Bulbasaur · 02/10/2014 22:38

So ask the IT guys? Tell them you'd like to work remotely too.

I just tell employers going in I have a kid and what I need to comfortably work around that. I haven't been given problems yet and have been able to work from home with no problem.

It's just also good for them to have a heads up so they know I'll need flexible hours.

There's a HUGE difference between coming in late without informing your boss and telling your boss a week or so ahead of time you have to drop the kids off and need to come in later. If your boss is in the loop, you're normally fine. I have yet to have a boss get upset because I've let them know I'll be coming in late or leaving early ahead of time.

queenofthepirates · 02/10/2014 22:38

Maybe I'm missing something. You seem to have a family friendly policy in the office but you're not using it? You say you have been scared off but someone else is doing it. Why not ask and see what you get? You seem to be set in a mindset that you're not entitled to have flexible working but you are entitled to ask (in law).

I'm a single mum and employ staff as well. I go out of my way to accommodate my staff to ensure that firstly, I keep them and secondly, they want to come to work and present a good face to our customers. Keep reminding yourself that you need to be valued and retained then go and ask for the flexi working (assuming you actually want it and this isn't some huge moan)

Original poster
attilathenun · 02/10/2014 22:39

I cant download work docs onto a drive as it would raise security issues and breaches regs etc.

In my yearly appraisal in January I asked about the laptop and was told all changes are frozen. I spoken to IT about an issue with my work pc a couple of weeks ago and was told the freeze is still in place. All IT is subcontracted, and so any change costs. So all changes are frozen, however basic.

OP posts:
ILovePud · 02/10/2014 22:39

That sound's like an awful situation, something is going very wrong here. It's not about you asking for concessions or flexible working, surely the issue is you seem to be doing an extra three hours work each day. That would be unsustainable for me, for your health and wellbeing and that of your DC please try and address this. I don't know what is going on to mean you seem to be doing so much extra, do you feel work is being unfairly piled on you? Are you struggling to do the work? Are you a perfectionist and set yourself higher standards than everyone else does? I don't know if anyone here can help, it sounds like you feel very trapped in this situation and I suspect any suggestions will be met by 'yes buts' but is there anyone IRL you can trust to talk to about this and maybe see if they can help you find a way forward?

Pico2 · 02/10/2014 22:39

Could you put in a formal flexible working request? I know it might sound bizarre, but you could request the flexibility to have a networked laptop to allow you to WFH outside your normal working hours (if you aren't willing to ask for more than that). I can't imagine how they could come up with a genuine business reason to refuse that "flexible working request". Having it all down in writing might help to make them think more carefully about your request.

MrsSchadenfreude · 02/10/2014 22:40

Ah yes. I used to work with a colleague (male) whose DD was in the same class as mine. I was made to take half a day's leave for things like school plays, parents' day etc. He simply "slipped out." The general feeling in the office (and one which was voiced frequently) was that it was lovely to see a hands on Dad, but working mothers were a pain in the arse.

Get more assertive, OP. I started to say that I was "slipping out" for school stuff too, and it was finally accepted - they couldn't really say anything as they were already allowing one employee to do it. And challenge your manager if no-one else gets told to make up time.

bloodyteenagers · 02/10/2014 22:44

Your hours are 9-5.
Why are you still there until 8?
I work my contracted hours. I do my work. If everything doesn't get done, tough, I go home as happened today. If I get pulled in I will request where it states in my contract that I have to work overtime.

You say you cannot use a laptop that you buy, yet your colleague is using a laptop he brought from another job. So your place does allow this.

Stop going on about the wife. She doesn't work for the company. You know nothing about her. It's not her fault he is using his right to request flexi time, just like every employee in England (not sure about all the UK).

Charitybelle · 02/10/2014 22:44

Re: presenteeism, that's not what it is op. You're describing your contracted hours, I would expect on the ball managers to get you to account for lateness and early leaving, as long as they're understanding and allow you to make up the time, I think that's reasonable. Staying at the office outside of your required hours because you're afraid of getting the sack if you don't is not right. Regardless of what your colleagues are doing, I think you really need to address this, otherwise you will just get more and more frustrated with it.

londonrach · 02/10/2014 22:45

Ignoring your nasty comment about your colleagues wife Hmm why are you working to 8pm. Is that your choice? You need to get your work life balance sorted. Sounds like all your hard done ness is coming from you. Do your hours then leave. Talk to your boss re a laptop as some companies ( in fact every company i tempted at including the council during my uni holidays) had laptops they lent out to members of staff.

guinnessgirl · 02/10/2014 22:45

OP, i can really sense your frustration here, but I'd ask the same thing others are asking - why are you ending up in the office till 8pm? What, practically, is stopping you from working your contracted hours? Obviously if you miss time it needs to be made up, but that doesn't equate to staying an extra 3 hours a day, surely?

TheRealMaryMillington · 02/10/2014 22:46

So is your main gripe that you have a colleague who can work at home, because he has the necessary IT, and you don't? Has he formally requested flexibility?

His personal circs are irrelevant btw and you should not reference them in any conversation with your employers. It doesn't sound like he's taking the piss to be honest if he has an arrangement to work from home, and is getting through his workload.

If you are working till 8pm to get your work done either there is a competency issue (sorry but it could be the case), or a workload/management issue. How do workloads compare?

I agree with the other posters that you are allowing this situation to perpetuate itself. Either put in a flexibility request and negotiate hard; work like your more junior colleague; look for another job; or put up and shut up. The last being the least satisfactory.

Pico2 · 02/10/2014 22:46

Could you drop your laptop or spill a cup of tea into it?

TheRealMaryMillington · 02/10/2014 22:47

Have you got a line manager?

JumpAndTwist · 02/10/2014 22:48

Things are always bought during IT freezes. If they are important enough.

You are not important enough to get a new networked laptop because you work late in the office instead. Why would you get priority? You working late in the office is by FAR the cheapest option for the company. And you don't even stamp your feet about it, so why would they bother?

More fool you.

Work your hours. If they complain say you might be willing to work extra hours for free at home if they give you a networked laptop. Bingo you are top of the list.

If everyone else is leaving on time then you aren't going to get the sack.

OddBoots · 02/10/2014 22:48

Could you ask if the fully working laptop could be shared so you have it for a week each at a time?

ILovePud · 02/10/2014 22:48

Pico2 that's genius!

Charitybelle · 02/10/2014 22:48

Great advice from kleptronic!

TheRealMaryMillington · 02/10/2014 22:49

I'm with pico, I think your laptop might accidentally get a bottle of coke spilled on it- break quite soon

Original poster
attilathenun · 02/10/2014 22:49

Just to be clear, I'm not at work til 8 every night. But I am almost always in early, work through lunch and stay late but normally leave before 6.

Colleagues leave bang on time every day. Colleague 1 has a gp letter. Colleague 2 has wfh excuse.

I have previously tried drafting a flex working request. The wording makes it quite clear I have to demonstrate I can card out my usual work, or how it will be covered. Except I cant do that when I'm not in the office because I don't have the capacity to wfh.

Colleague 2 got his networked laptop while working in another area of the business. As did our manager. No one else in our office has one, nor is likely to.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 02/10/2014 22:50

Start as you mean to go on, do your hours. Maybe they think you work till 8 as you can't finish your work within the allotted hours.

The having a wife 'she can do the school run' So what, they share stuff! Plenty of threads on here where the men do sod all!

ImperialBlether · 02/10/2014 22:50

The others leave at 5pm, don't they? So put your coat on THE VERY MINUTE they do and leave with them. Safety in numbers.

What the HR woman referred to was someone just turning up late several times a week with no deal about flexible working. In other words, someone was taking the piss.

Tomorrow evening at 5pm, switch off your machine (at 5.00 on the dot) and leave with the others. If anyone says anything, say, "What do you mean? We're paid for the same hours, aren't we?" And give them a hard stare. Do this every single night.

Georgina1975 · 02/10/2014 22:50

Could be wrong but there is a bit of a difference between turning up late on regular basis and having a pre-arranged later start time. The HR scenario you gave seemed like the former to me.

I can totally see why you feel so annoyed, but you shouldn't be annoyed with your colleagues. Have you tried asking for the same flexibility as your male colleague? Have you tried speaking with him about his arrangement...asked his advice about how you would get a similar "concession"?

And I agree with the charity about being "in the office". I know a lots of people who are very present but their output is no different in quantity or quality to mine, and I work from home a lot. Actually I work with one person who regularly stays late in the office - but we all know she has to because she spends so much time talking all day. Just saying that being "present" is no indication of what an employee is achieving.

And yes...just do your contractual hours.

DrCarolineTodd · 02/10/2014 22:51

You sound bitter, jealous and attached to being put-upon.

Iggi999 · 02/10/2014 22:52

Fill the form in - you can carry out the work with the simple addition of a networked laptop. So if they accept your request, it is with the requirement that they provide you with one. If they turn you down, then you can start citing the precedent of your colleague - perhaps a bit of sex discrimination in there.