to be pissed off with this work situation and how unfair it is?

[attilathenun]

Am probably bu but as i just got in from work am bit in the best mood!

I work in a small team. One is more junior, leaves bang on time every day due to a long commute and health 'issues' or makes a big fuss about it and ensures any extra time is got back.

There is one other person who is male. This is relevant.

He has little DC so insists on being home to do bedtime, comes in later because he needs to take them to school etc. Except he doesn't need to do it, he has a wife who could do it. He chooses to. Anyway, he gets to do this because he has a networked laptop and gets to say he's working from home. So when its sports day he wfh in morning,and goes to sports day in the pm. Same for nativity plays, carol concerts etc.

I don't have a laptop (well I do but its so old it's practically steam powered. And not networked). So I get no choice but to work at the office until 8pm. To stay late every time I'm in late, though not just then. I always have to account for my time.

The joke of it is I'm a lone parent. But I don't expect or ask for concessions, never have, but the rest of my team get them even though in my view they don't even need them. And all the fawning over male colleague for being such a great dad...my DC have never been anything other than an inconvenience to employers. Such bloody double standards!

If my laptop broke it would not be replaced in the current situation.

Fwiw I don't moan to my manager. I barely speak to her as she is constantly in meetings. I don't speak to other colleagues. There is no planning for most of our work, some tasks are regular monthly ones but most are given with 24/48 hour deadlines. Sometimes I can get my part done by 5, sometimes 5.30. Worst case its staying til 8, or coming in at 7. I can't plan because the work we get is given at short notice.

If I left I wouldn't be replaced. The work I do is helpful to the business but not essential, well some elements of it are but they could be picked up by others. I'm not expecting to be sacked but I'm aware I am not indispensable. I don't have a problem with being assertive but I need to be realistic about my position.

Iggi speaking to a union rep is fine but getting a union rep involved to speak on your behalf or engage with you often had the reverse effect of coming across negatively. That's just IME as both an employee and manager

The main problem here seems to be that you have quite a few ideas of things that could make your working life better but instead of raising them calmly with your manager you are just stewing on them and reflecting on the unfairness of them not given to you automatically. This is looking at things from the wrong perspective. You need to think about what you want and then make a flexible working request if necessary.

In your example of the person with a family who is consistently late HR rightly said it was a disciplinary matter. If her start time is 9am she should be there by 9am most days (putting to one side transport issues). The solution to that is not for the employer to suggest flexible working. However, if the employee needs to do the school run before getting to work and a 9.30am start time would make her life much easier she can apply for the later start time and her employers should agree if it would still allow business needs to be met. BUT it does involve the employee doing something pro-active herself. This is what you need to do too.

Bottom line you cannot expect your employer to volunteer solutions for your difficulties it is up to you to suggest and defend them yourself.

I manage a team and if someone stayed late, I would expect them to take TOIL. Is this possible? It sounds like your manager leaves you to get on with stuff as you don't need much supervision. In fact you sound like the perfect employee.

Take a hammer to your laptop. They'll have to get you a new one then. Problem solved
FWIW I don't think you're unreasonable to be unhappy with the situation. I do think that you need to have an honest discussion with your employer. They can't sack you for asking. The only way that the situation will change is if you confront it.

You don't win any awards for being a martyr, you just end up unhappy and with people pissed off with your 'woe-is-me' whining. You need to have a serious talk to your employer and come to an agreement going forward. Other people in your office are doing it, so you have every right to the same concessions. Be proactive.

There is no TOIL. My contract says I'm required to work the hours demanded by the business, which may exceed 9-5

This says to me that you work in the kind of business and in a senior enough role where just buggering off at 5.01 leaving work undone and/or routinely asking for TOIL is going to reflect very badly on you. Your more junior colleague can do this precisely because he or she is more junior, so expectations on them are lower. Similarly for involving a union.

So while I disagree with much of the specific advice from posters above I agree that you need stop stewing about your colleagues and management, and start taking control of the situation. I suggest that you tackle the work hours first since that sounds easier than the WFH situation.

e.g. you mentioned having to work 'til 8pm in order to have a deliverable ready for the directors' meeting the next day (board meeting?). Tell your manager that you're not comfortable creating input documents for a board meeting at the very last minute since it will reflect badly on both of you if mistakes are made or if the document is otherwise of poor quality due to the haste in which it was drawn up. So find out when the next directors' meeting is. Draw up a timetable saying you will require the input figures (or whatever) by C.O.B on day X, will create a first draft of your document by C.O.B. on day Y, leaving 2 days for your manager to review before the meeting. (The specifics here may not be exactly applicable to your situation - but I hope you get the drift).

The general idea here that you need to make clear to your colleagues is that working "the hours demanded by the business" on occasion is fine - in every work situation there will be truly unforseen panics - but expecting you to work outside of standard work hours just to make up for someone else's disorganisation is not fine.

Oh and "not suitable for networking" sounds like bullshit to me. Any laptop made in the last 20 years can be networked; even if it is so old that it doesn't have wifi you can still plug it into the back of your home router with an ethernet cable.

Suggest you speak to IT again and press them on the issue.

By networked do you mean setting up secure connection? If so the company should only need to download software onto your laptop.

You don't need a second VPN token because you can share one between you all.

I think this situation goes a lot deeper than work. Being a single parent with large financial burdens is very very hard. Is the any way you can look at the future and make changes (big ones, small ones) to escape this?

He has little DC so insists on being home to do bedtime, comes in later because he needs to take them to school etc. Except he doesn't need to do it, he has a wife who could do it. He chooses to.

OP, if your colleague had been a woman, I wonder if you would have suggested that she didn't need to do it because she had a husband who could do it? He is also a parent, why should he not have responsibilities for his kids?

You need to change your mindset and be a bit more assertive. There is already a precedent in your office for flexible working - great! Your colleague has demonstrated that it can work. You now need to find a way of overcoming the laptop issue so that it can work for you too.

I think you need to stop stewing and moaning about what these other two employees are doing and concentrate on what you need and want.

I work FT in big private company and have three kids, but I've made sure that if I work longer hours I get time in lieu, officially or otherwise, and have enough devices to stay in contact via email outside of work.

Have you, honestly, tried just speaking to your bosses? Despite any freezes or new rules they might well make exceptions and want to help you.

Re the dad whose 'wife can do it' - your attitude stinks. My dh is SAHD but I go to all assemblies, sports days, plays etc because they are my children too and if I missed all of those things I would be unhappy, stressed and bitter and wouldn't feel as loyal to my company as I do. I make sure I make up the time, I am on email on my iphone (yes, yes you're not on network I know) and check in to the office etc. If it's really really busy then I might miss the odd thing otherwise it's not fair on my team.

With respect I think some of you need to realise not all companies are the same. In the field in which I work, as I've said, senior roles (which is what I have) are pretty rare. And you're expected to be there and to work fir your money.

My DC never had bedtimes because I never got home with them until after 7. Sometimes 8. I didn't have enough holiday for sports day or most other school events. I'd feel no differently about my colleague if he was a woman except if he was a woman he wouldn't be able to do it. Fwiw, his coming in late etc isn't flexible working. He's just allowed to do it.

As for the implication I don't care about my DC, that's very obviously said by someone who a) has no idea what its like to work ft as a lone parent and b) isn't solely responsible for paying a £2k a month mortgage.

Its only in the last couple of years that employers in my sector have stopped asking women in interviews what their childcare arrangements are. As a woman you either have a nanny or your husband stays at home. Single parents are a liability. That's the sort of thinking i am up against.

The company can't be that successful if even directors arn't networked and IT is frozen.
OP you mentioned you hardly saw your manager and had last mentioned the laptop issue in January ie 9 months ago.
Anything else apart can I suggest you make time to meet your manager a little more often- say monthly- even if over coffee- to discuss your work. It is a better way of working together and pre-empting and resolving conflicts.

I think the example from your HR is actually not applicable in this situation, there's a big difference between someone rocking up to work late all the time and them saying in advance to manager 'I'll be in later on Wednesday but will make the time up on Thursday'. In my experience managers, myself included, are much happier when they know what is going on in advance rather than just wondering 'where on earth is X this morning'. Present it as a done deal.

It can be a misconception among employees that those who work late are somehow better workers.
Indeed in some companies employees who consistently work late are considered to have difficulties with time management and negotiating skills and are kept an eye on as they are likely to burn out sooner and be less efficient.
In some companies where there is competition for posts or promotion, members of the team can gang up and overload other members with work so that they have less time and energy to apply for promotion.

In your case your family and personal life is suffering. This will have an impact on your attitude to your work as you will be less happy at work and so put in less initiative and enthusiasm, and you are already resenting your colleagues, which is sad.
Negotiate a pay rise and time off to go to school stuff. Value yourself more.

You sound incredibly defeatist, no wonder they walk all over you.
It's nothing to do with you what your colleague's wife can or cannot do. He is a parent who wants to take part in his DCs life. It's your employer's problem to make sure he gets his job done regardless and really nothing to do with you.

You can sort out this situation by talking to management and explaining that either your workload is too high (8pm every day is ridiculous) or that you need IT support to work from home. An IT freeze means they won't buy a laptop for you (fair enough), not that they won't spend 5 minutes to give you VPN access to the company network - there's just no cost involved here to be affected by a freeze. Since your colleagues can have flexi working hours it doesn't look like your employers are the slave drivers you make them look, so ask.
And if all else fails - start job hunting.

I don't understand this 'networked laptop' business. Shouldn't any laptop that's internet-enabled be able to access the intranet?

Also, your company won't continue to be successful if they continue to cut costs in the way they are. How much is a laptop ffs? They won't pay tax on it.

You do need to speak to your manager about the lack of parity at work. It's just not fair that some can work from home when others can't.

Ok your expected to be there and work for your money, like in most jobs. However you have 2 colleagues who you feel have better working patterns than you and it dosent seem to be doing them any harm.

So I don't understand why there is nothing you can do.

They can't just sack people for asking about flexible working or wanting a laptop or not staying until 8 when no one else does.

I hate to say this Attila but do you think they are managing you out?

No access to IT resources, impossible deadlines, unavailable line manager, you feel your role is not business critical... Possibly not but I would start documenting everything

I know this has all been said but you don't sound like you need flexible working.At the moment you are employed to work 9-5 and that is what you are paid for. You do not need to be there at 8am and you need to leave at 5pm. If,very occasionally you need to finish something off and stay until 6pm then you remind them of that the next time you have a doctor/dental appointment. No-one can criticize you for working your contracted hours,which is all the other employees are doing.

I was thinking exactly the same thing TONDELAYO.

If it weren't for a few details, I'd think you were writing about my DP.

He never misses a parents evening/sports day/carol concert, etc. He often goes into work late so that he can do the school run.

It's fantastic. His employers are amazing and the work-life balance is lovely. And because of that, he's been the best-performing person in his department since he started working there.

I guess I could do the school runs, etc but the truth is he wants to. And he is able to. So he does.

Work is no less valid if it also happens to be easy. You sound like a bit of a martyr. And you could probably do with some assertiveness training or something. Because your colleagues have demonstrated that it is perfectly possible to work flexibly around childcare and other outside life constraints, so why are you the only one that doesn't?

I hate to say this Attila but do you think they are managing you out?

Was also thinking this but didn't want to say it.

I'm with pp here - you ask you might get, you don't ask you won't get. But even if you ask OP and you don't get it, they know you are thinking about it and noticing stuff. My manager is great, but I do think her attitude is that if you don't tell me I'm not a mind reader, and she's right. If you are staying until 8 and in bang on time regularly, your employer thinks your OK with. Some people do have a strong work ethic (me for example ) and working the hours they need to be done to get the job done is just what we do.

However, since I had DD I do at least 2 days a WFH and at the slightest sniff of needing to WFH I ask. I expect my manager to tell me when I've over stepped the mark and in 3 years I haven't so far according to her (and even I think sometimes I'm taking the piss!)

OP you need to stop being a matyr and ask. Or something you might not want to hear, change industries if yours isn't family friendly. You're a LP with a big mortgage, any possiblity of downsizing so you can actually be there for bed times for your DC?