to be pissed off with this work situation and how unfair it is?

[attilathenun]

Am probably bu but as i just got in from work am bit in the best mood!

I work in a small team. One is more junior, leaves bang on time every day due to a long commute and health 'issues' or makes a big fuss about it and ensures any extra time is got back.

There is one other person who is male. This is relevant.

He has little DC so insists on being home to do bedtime, comes in later because he needs to take them to school etc. Except he doesn't need to do it, he has a wife who could do it. He chooses to. Anyway, he gets to do this because he has a networked laptop and gets to say he's working from home. So when its sports day he wfh in morning,and goes to sports day in the pm. Same for nativity plays, carol concerts etc.

I don't have a laptop (well I do but its so old it's practically steam powered. And not networked). So I get no choice but to work at the office until 8pm. To stay late every time I'm in late, though not just then. I always have to account for my time.

The joke of it is I'm a lone parent. But I don't expect or ask for concessions, never have, but the rest of my team get them even though in my view they don't even need them. And all the fawning over male colleague for being such a great dad...my DC have never been anything other than an inconvenience to employers. Such bloody double standards!

I think you're being pretty unreasonable to complain about your colleagues health issues. Do you think she's making them up? Is her doctor's note not genuine? Do you think she should ignore said health issues and stats late anyway?

tondelay, I also wondered that. OP, could it be that you're just not that good at your job? I know in my company people are refused permission to wfh etc if they are considered to be a bit of a liability.

Don't begrudge someone having a better deal that you at work.

Negotiate your own terms with your employers.

From what you've said OP I get the impression that whilst you don't mind moaning about your situation you aren't really prepared to do anything about it. It may be that your reluctance to rock the boat stems from fear of losing your job - and if so particularly as a single parent with a big mortgage to pay I can understand you being cautious, but that doesn't stop me thinking you are mug with a capital M.

What sort of organisation do you work in - does it have Investors in People status? Do you have an appraisal every 6/12months. If so you really have to use these to your advantage. As others have said if you don't ask, you don't get. IT freeze or not, how can it be that a member of staff junior to you has a networked computer and you don't? Did he work within your organisation before coming to your department and his laptop was already networked? If he didn't, and you are willing to buy a laptop yourself, (although I don't see why you should have to ) then why won't they network one for you.

Have you actually added up all the extra hours you do in the office? Do you keep a record? If you don't, start now - if they are truly excessive, then you need to do something about it. Is your having to stay late so often due to the fact that others aren't meeting deadlines? If so, this needs to be pointed out, as it isn't fair to you or your children.

If you are truly unhappy with your work/life balance (and I would be in your shoes) then I'm afraid it's down to you to try and do something about it. Bite the bullet, make an appointment to meet with your Manager and prepare for it well so he/she can see in black and white what is going on. In the meantime I assume that as a senior member of staff you manage your own diary. Make sure you put in it anything like school assemblies, parents nights etc so that everyone can see that you wont be around at these times. Don't feel guilty about this!!

If it's regularly taking until 8pm for you to finish your work, you either need to change processes or get help.
I'd ask IT if there is a secondhand laptop somewhere which you won't have to pay for, but will get you the ability to work from home.
Ask to WFH occasionally. I work 90mins from home, if I need an appointment, then I WFH, I have a blackberry etc, its no different from me working else where after meeting.

There is also nothing wrong with only working your hours ... It's what you're paid for afterall

I have some sympathy for you op, the company sounds shit. You may be being managed out but if all managers are on a similar IT freeze maybe it's the company not you.

Can't you join a union, I know your company is not in a union - mine isn't either but I'm still a member of unite.

I'm guessing you have a pretty well paid job and in those circumstances 9 to 5 doesn't really apply and unpaid overtime is the norm.

However if they expect you to be flexible with deadlines they need to make it a two way street.

Make a meeting with your manager

• you want the option of working from home as your childcare arrangements may become more tricky (make something up if needed)
• you've seen how well wfh is going for your make colleague and would like the same option
• you understand there is an IT freeze but you would be prepared to pay for the laptop yourself to reduce costs.

Hope things improve soon

Rather then just networking, why can't you get a reote login to your work computer. All you have to do is leave the work laptop on sleep and then remote in from home. Nothing gets saved anywhere but your laptop due to the remote network. It would take IT about 10 minutes to do and is fre, they'll already have their own VPN software.

Is there any possibility that unbeknown to you, your colleague has a fractional contract? Is he taking a shorter lunch?

My colleagues are incredibly rude about my boss who comes in late/leaves early (we have flexi and it's one or the other!) so he can be there for his young dc. He is married to a teacher and colleagues get the hump if he takes any time off in the holidays at all "because surely his dw is at home". It is awful to listen to, really nasty. Think about it OP. And leave at 5!

If you have a report to write, why can't you write it at home?

Presumably, "his" laptop actually belongs to the company. So, in front of your line manager, ask that, given the IT freeze, you get use of the laptop some of the time so that you too can benefit from working from home. Or Put it in writing and make it clear that you are asking for the same terms as you make colleague. You are happy to share. He is, of course, welcome to "your" older laptop while you use "his".

Make = male

OP Apologies if this has already been gone over but if you and make colleague are in similar job roles (and your resent ment implies you are) then you should be entitled to the sane benefits. Have you challenged HR on why hebis afforded flexible working time and you are not? I understand this is massively frustrating and you're worried, but it won't change unless you challenge it

If OP is being 'managed out' what can she do about it?

Rose seems to have about the practical suggestion so far.

Btw, wfh is not such a great deal. Unless your kids sit in perfect silence or go to bed without question, then it actually takes longer to do the work. Even if you had a spouse to keep the kids out the way, you still have to get your mind back into work mode and work out where you were etc.

I know that sometimes it's great to spend some time with the kids then get an hour's work done, but my gripe is that I wish I could stay at work, get my head down, then go home. Instead I have to take dd home then do dinner and get her to bed. I end up working until 10 pm, and it feels like the first thing I did and the last things did was work.

Of course you should have the same opportunities as your colleagues, but dont't assume that the grass is greener.

Over the decades years I have discovered that being really accommodating to employers makes them think less of you rather than more

funnyperson - get legal advice, take a very very long hard honest look at yourself (your attitude, your work, your work relationships) and see if there is anything you can improve and address, look for another job.

moaning I don't agree as a general rule but I also know where you're coming from. No-one thanks the person who routinely stays til 8pm - but in my experience that's because that person can be regarded as either a martyr or someone who's not managing their workload. But I accept there are some industries and companies where the culture and workload is different.

I manage a large team (I'm MD of creative agency).

Over the 12 years I've been there I've been flexible and supportive of staff with an array of different roles, professional and personal challenges...with a huge dollop of 'suck it up' too!

People that don't help themselves, don't speak up, whinge, want endless meetings with me, criticise or moan about colleagues without calmly and rationally putting forward ideas for change drive me mad and eventually, yes, I do want rid whether I act on that or not.

People who work hard, ask or find solutions are so much easier to work with and I'm much much more willing to help.

My feeling is that you need to radically change your circumstances to give yourself a safety net. £2k/mth mortgage - well if you were to sell and relocate you could halve that, and more. You could free yourself up a little to look for less niche roles if your pay level wasn't such an issue. Could that work?

How have you managed childcare, out of nosiness interest?

While I have sympathy it strikes me you are clearly capable, in a senior position in a big org, but can't get yourself in problem-solving mode on this issue.

I would (and have in not dissimilar circs) depersonalise this, get down on paper the issues as you see them and your proposed solutions as well as risks/ benefits so when you raise them you have a clear line of thought.

Emotionally it matters what others are doing, but practically this is about getting your work life balance sorted. Focus on that and if you feel you aren't being treated fairly make sure you note your conversations with manager/ hr and what was said.

You have to change your mindset and own this (all a bit Beyoncé!) but channel your best empowered mother and support your colleagues - and I bet you'll see them start to support you. No-one likes a whinger (said with love).

Good luck!

backbystealth thanks but I dont have job issues. It is the OP who does.

Hi funny - I know. I was saying that's what someone in that position should do, not you.

Or , well, more accurately, if I had job issues I would solve them differently. I wouldnt be knocking/criticising my colleagues, I would have rung IT on day 1 and pestered them till they sorted my computer without even bothering my manager. I would have made myself aware of board meeting dates for the whole year well in advance and got together board reports with a team at least a week in advance, passed by my manager and discussed the line to take. I would be meeting my manager more frequently. I wouldn't have taken out a mortgage which took such a large proportion of salary. I would be looking to extend my skills .....etc etc etc

If my laptop broke it would not be replaced in the current situation.

This makes no sense. The hardware cost of a laptop for a reasonably well-paid person is one or two day's pay. Also, presumably you can't do your job without the laptop, so they would let you go if the laptop broke?

An employer is paying thousands per month for someone to do a job that will suddenly no longer need doing if it costs an extra couple of hundred?

It doesn't add up.

We have desktop computers. Laptops are given because we sometimes have to work at other offices. Albeit mine is useless for this purpose anyway.

The report requires the use of data which I need to access the company servers for. Everything is hyper secure and locked down as we are a finance related organisation.

I cant plan for all meetings, as the one this week was ad hoc. I don't mind working late. Like I said I'm not there til 8 every day. but I would like to have the option of wfh. Or coming and going as my colleague does without having to account for every second of my time, or making a request for flex working which he hasn't had to do.

Are they managing me out? Maybe. I've survived 3 redundancy sweeps in the last 6 years. I only get stat redundancy pay so its not like they couldn't have afforded to get rid. I am good at what I do. But in such a niche I am stuck. I cant relocate for another 5 years or so for schools, and there is no way I could go into another job and earn any more than £30k which wouldn't even pay my mortgage.

I don't get regular meetings with my manager, just annual appraisals which are pretty brief. I am looking for work but as said stuff in my area is scarce and I am too overqualified for most things, employers don't want to pay the salaries people at my level expect.

I can hear one of my colleagues voice in my head when I read your posted OP.

We both do a job that requires top end computers, graphics heavy stuff. We work in a large organisation with outsourced IT and a renewals freeze just like you. We are also one of very few. People who do that role, so IT never had much of a clue about our requirements. If I complained about my compute they'd just looks up the spec and say well it's loads better than the corporate policy states, so no chance of a new one.

Unfortunately neither of our computers was up to the job. Mine crashed and froze several times a day. So I made a formal request for a new one, staring that I couldn't do my job without functioning IT. I was turned down, but i persisted for months, emailing the IT manger a screenshot of every crash.

Eventually I got a new computer.

My colleague moaned and griped at me, how crap her computer was, how unfair it was that I had a new one when she was In a senior role etc etc. when I suggested she ask for a new machine she wouldn't do it. Just gave a host of reasons why it wasn't right that she ask. She was really shocked when she brought this up on a management training course, and the trainer agreed with my approach and said any manger interested in results would want to know if there was a problem, or a better way of doing something. Struggling and moaning is not useful or professional.

I don't mean this in a bad way, but you need to be more businesslike about work.