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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if this would put you off using the childminder?

212 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 02/10/2014 19:30

Me and DH are currently in the process of searching for a childminder ready for when I return after Maternity. Depending on when I go back DS will be 9 or 12 months of age.

I met two childminders last week and neither of them felt right and the idea of leaving DS with them made me feel quite anxious. I told my DH I didn't want to use either of them. There was nothing specific about them that I didn't like but my gut instinct was that they weren't right for DS.

Tonight we met a 3rd one (and her husband and children) and she was really lovely. I instantly warmed to her, the house was really child friendly and there were toys everywhere and lots of stimulating games and activities and I just felt really comfortable talking to her and being in her company, as did my DH.

However, before we left she mentioned she had 6 dogs Hmm There are two poodles, two shnausers (no idea how to spell it) a Doberman and a Bulldog. She showed me where they are kept and they have their own area which although is part of the house they are caged in so don't have access to the main house. It's a nice big space, lots of beds and underfloor heating and they have their own door that leads to their own fenced off and secure part of the garden - they are not able to access the main garden area.

Am I being unreasonable to feel uneasy about the dogs and not send DS to her because of them even though she is perfect in every other way?

My DH thinks I'm worrying too much and he'd have no problem sending DS there. But I just don't know.

OP posts:
ithoughtofitfirst · 02/10/2014 21:29

Really hate dogs around children. Your own children... Yeah fine. Mine? Nah.

It would definitely put me off.

aermingers · 02/10/2014 21:29

One of the main reasons I chose my childminder was because she had two small dogs, cats and fish. I want my kids to feel confident around animals and also I think learning to be kind to animals teaches children important things about looking after things smaller and more vulnerable than themselves and treating other creatures with respect.

However I wouldn't leave my child in a place like you describe. Six dogs penned in a room doesn't sound like a pleasant environment for them. This woman sounds like she's getting more and more dogs to satisfy her own selfish needs without giving proper regard to the quality of life the animals have.

I would worry she would take the same attitude towards children's needs and welfare too.

So no, definite no for me. Unless she lives on a massive farm out in the country, but it doesn't sound like she does. And having had a neighbour with a similar number of dogs in a house near me; that amount of dogs make a massive stink and an oppressive unpleasant environment, particularly when warm. It wouldn't be a pleasant environment in those terms.

coraltoes · 02/10/2014 21:30

A Doberman is not cute, it can be really quite ferocious. Not the sort of dog I'd want anywhere near my child without my supervision. I really dislike the sound of the setup and would be totally put off.

onarailwaytrain · 02/10/2014 21:31

Dobermans and poodles for that matter are also extremely, extremely intelligent and need stimulation.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/10/2014 21:34

I think you're all probably right and that it wouldn't be ideal. It's just a shame because she was so nice and I would have no qualms whatsoever about leaving DS with her otherwise.

I'm meeting another one next week. I'm thinking I might change my advert to specify no dogs.

OP posts:
Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 02/10/2014 21:35

andSmile

I used to get parents begging to be on my waiting list as the local nursery failed it's Ofsted. Wink

It's best not to generalise as there are seriously crap and excellent nurseries and cms.

It worries me when parents assume that their children are safer in a nursery because there are more staff.

Means squat diddly as there have been lots of cases of abuse and neglect in nurseries.

Complacency is the enemy.

Still gut instinct and checking references is all.

Bakeoffcakes · 02/10/2014 21:37

No way. I wouldn't mind one or two well behaved dogs, but six, not a chance in hell.

I say that as someone who's had dogs all my life.

TooMuchCantBreath · 02/10/2014 21:37

Ok, back up. Lots of projection and assumption here. Op, what was the house like, what were the dc like, what were the dogs like and what was the dog area like?

You say your ds was playing on the floor with the dc so I'm guessing the place wasn't "doggy"? You weren't aware of 6 dogs until she told you which indicates there was no smell in the house and that the dogs weren't barking? You sound reasonably impressed with the dogs arrangements so I'm guessing it wasn't full of chewed wood or faeces?

I get that you feel protective but how real is your fear that they're all going to attack your ds? Do you have history of being attacked/threatened by dogs? Did the dogs in question make you feel like you might be? What are the arrangements about contact? This could range from no contact at all to all the dogs get free rain all the time. Is the level of contact a level that you feel the cm could safely police?

Assuming the dogs appear healthy and their environment was good I don't think you need concern yourself too much about their care, it's your Childs care that matters. Anything like walking the dogs with the dc would come under the contact question in any case.

You and dh are the only ones who have been there so what did you think, really? Do you think the cm is likely to leave your ds in a situation where he could be attacked or is that the mother lion in you? If you have a genuine concern (or an irrational one you know you can't get past) move on. If not ask to go back, seeing more might help you jump one way or the other Smile

onarailwaytrain · 02/10/2014 21:38

I think there is some middle ground between one much loved family pet and six dogs!

Jackiebrambles · 02/10/2014 21:38

This would massively put me off - no way, and I love dogs. But then child minders have always put me off, I prefer the 'institution' of a nursery (in the nicest possible way!)

Have you considered nursery op or is it too tricky with shift work?

If not maybe visit a couple and see how they feel. So much of this is about gut feeling.

Going back to work is hard enough, you need to feel confident!

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 02/10/2014 21:41

On a different tack who would want 6 dogs? With 3 kids and mindees in top.

Jees.

londonrach · 02/10/2014 21:45

Not sure. Sounds perfect...but 6 dogs...that 6 not 1. One oversight... No cant see how anyone wants 6 dogs unless they a shepherd. How many other children does she care for.

londonrach · 02/10/2014 21:46

I love dogs but they are dogs and they do not mix with children.

areyoubeingserviced · 02/10/2014 21:47

Defo put me off.
Six dogs ffs

moaningminnie2 · 02/10/2014 21:49

It would put me off tbh

Aeroflotgirl · 02/10/2014 21:50

6 dogs, 3 kids of her own, and mindees on top of that. Noway. You could go back and ask her some mire questions. But it is telling that she looked surprised to see your ds, especially after you did tell her his age beforehand.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/10/2014 21:54

The doggy area was very clean and tidy as was the doggy garden. The house was clean and tidy, no dog hairs on the floor. We were there for a good 20 minutes before the dogs were mentioned and despite them being in the next room I had no idea they existed - they didn't make any noise. The CM took me to 'meet them' and they all just lined up and stared at me, there was no barking though, just wagging tails. In her profile she talks about how she restricts the contact of the dogs and the children but if any parents would like their children to engage in the care of the dogs or petting them (all under supervision) then it is something that can be discussed.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/10/2014 21:58

Writer do tgey live in a big house?

formerbabe · 02/10/2014 22:00

I'd question why anyone would want 6 dogs?

Ionacat · 02/10/2014 22:05

You have to feel happy as you are leaving your DS in the care. If you liked her and think it's something you can get round by visiting again talking to other parents then go for it. If not visit some more and you can always change your mind and go back to her if you want. Go with your gut instinct.

bookishandblondish · 02/10/2014 22:07

Depends on the size of the house.

Six dogs can entertain each other and wont require much attention assuming they are walked every day ( one dog is harder as you have to provide companionship). Big dogs - meaningless - the most vicious dogs are small terrier type. The fact they all behaved during your visit means they are likely to be well behaved.

as a child, i lived in two houses where it would have been very easy to have this sort of set up so there was very little risk ( and comparative to the neighbours dog getting through the fence)
talk to the CM and see how she responds?

MiddletonPink · 02/10/2014 22:10

At some point in the day ( and probably fairly frequently I would think ) the CM would have to interact with the dogs. Feed/water/toilet etc as well as the obvious attention and time all dogs need to keep them happy.

I'm just wondering what she does with the children/babies when this happens?

6 dogs is a lot.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/10/2014 22:11

Aero - it's a semi detached, the last house on the street and it is pretty sizeable. The living room isn't massive but probably seems smaller than it is as most corners are filled with boxes of toys. The kitchen is nice and big with an open plan design to a dining area. The dog conservatory is attached to one wall of the kitchen. The kitchen opens out onto a very big garden but the first few metres of it are fenced in to make sure that if the CM is in the kitchen the children can't go to the other end of the garden unsupervised and means they are always in close view and close proximity to her. There are climbing frames, bikes, paddling pools and sand pits in the rest of the garden and little sheds for the children to go in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/10/2014 22:11

Aero - it's a semi detached, the last house on the street and it is pretty sizeable. The living room isn't massive but probably seems smaller than it is as most corners are filled with boxes of toys. The kitchen is nice and big with an open plan design to a dining area. The dog conservatory is attached to one wall of the kitchen. The kitchen opens out onto a very big garden but the first few metres of it are fenced in to make sure that if the CM is in the kitchen the children can't go to the other end of the garden unsupervised and means they are always in close view and close proximity to her. There are climbing frames, bikes, paddling pools and sand pits in the rest of the garden and little sheds for the children to go in.

OP posts:
WaroftheRoses · 02/10/2014 22:12

I can't understand all the fuss about the number of dogs?! And the amount of people who say she is neglecting them!! How many people have a dog and are away from the house 9 to 5 (or longer). If the dogs are walked when the children aren't there (or by another family member during the day), then have access to a garden and are aware that they aren't left alone as the CM is in the other part of the house then how is that neglect? Plus a group of dogs will stimulate each other-far preferable to have more than one dog to keep each other amused. Yes Dobes and Poodles are active dogs but so are labradors-the most popular family pet in the UK and ergo probably one of the breeds that is most often left at home alone for most of the day.

Why not talk to the CM about your concerns OP? It sounds like you clicked with her so why not bring the issue to the table and see what she says about it. Then make your decision from there.