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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to put fresh sheets on son's bed -aged 17

107 replies

Claybury · 02/10/2014 17:53

I've stripped it completely & returned him a pile of clean linen. Last night he slept on the bare mattress as he couldn't be bothered. Today he's still saying he won't bother.
I can hold out - I don't care if he's uncomfortable but he's going to ruin the mattress !
It's typical of him, he won't help around the house at all. At all.

OP posts:

pointythings · 02/10/2014 17:59

Don't cook for him.
Don't strip his bed for him.
Don't do his laundry.

I'd be taking the mattress off the bed and putting it elsewhere if he can't be bothered to look after it.

He needs to grow up and muck in, the lazy sod. My DDs are 11 and 13 and have been making their own beds (and stripping them) since ages 8 and 10 - and those were high sleepers.

isitsnowingyet · 02/10/2014 18:01

Why do you want to 'hold out'?

What the hey - life's too short for battles like this.

sparechange · 02/10/2014 18:01

Presumably he doesn't do anything because he knows he can refuse and you will do it for him?

Agree with Pointy
Can you do the old 'change the wifi code daily and you need to do your chores before you get given it' trick?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 02/10/2014 18:02

I feel your pain, my Ds1 was the same... a complete and utter lazy arse, many a time he left clean sheets on the floor and slep with bare mattress and quilt he is 21 now and in the kitchen making his own dinner and offered to do me something too, hoovered earlier (unasked) and rang his grandma (unasked) there is hope... honestly

YoYoYooooo · 02/10/2014 18:02

I'd be angry about that. It's really lazy and immature.

I'd turn off the wifi or not cook for him or something...

Does he work or is he at school or college?

neiljames77 · 02/10/2014 18:03

If I remember rightly, when I was 17, my bed sheets had to be removed with a toffee hammer. (sorry....... gross)

DiaDuit · 02/10/2014 18:06

Oh i used to do this- sleep on the bare mattress because i couldnt be arsed making up the bed. Cant remember how i eventually sorted myself but i know my mum wouldnt have caved and done it for me.

Fenton · 02/10/2014 18:07

Just say right youve got ten minutes then in in and we're making the bed. Then do so, go in give him the sheet corner and off you go.

Fenton · 02/10/2014 18:09

You are quite revolting neiljames.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/10/2014 18:11

My ds are 23 and 19 now and have been making their own beds from around 8/9.
DD is 10 and is the laziest person I have ever met, she would live in complete squalor, whereas her brothers are the opposite.
I suppose I have to be happy that neither are conforming to gender stereotypes.

AdoraBell · 02/10/2014 18:11

Is he paying the nightly rate for a hotel with full maid, private chef and butler service?

Thought not. Do as suggested above, no food cooked, no laundry - but show him how to use the machine - no wifi, lifts, errands or loans.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/10/2014 18:13

v.funny neil

Would it be terribly rude of me to tell you about the knicker test?
If they don't stick to the wall they are ok to wear.... again

Original poster

Claybury · 02/10/2014 18:14

Last week I asked him to bring some shopping in for me. He said no and went upstairs. Now I know I can 'punish ' him by removing wifi but that's really just forcing him to do something against his will. I want him to learn to willingly contribute if that makes sense ?
He's doing A'level homework and using wifi for it. I don't want to remove wifi, I don't care when he does his bed, I just want him to figure out that it is the sensible thing to do.
Step away - only 4 more years LOL
Fenton - I think you are right.

OP posts:

neiljames77 · 02/10/2014 18:16

Yeah, go on Fenton... have a pop at morethanpotatoprints!!!
If you don't, I'll accuse you of sexism!!!!

MaryWestmacott · 02/10/2014 18:16

why do you care about the mattress? You'll not be thinking of buying another if he's trashed it are you? Just leave it, if it's disgusting, so be it. That's his mattress, not one you've got to sleep on, not your problem.

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/10/2014 18:19

I don't care when he does his bed, I just want him to figure out that it is the sensible thing to do

I'm sure his parents would have instilled that ethic in him during his formative years.

Oh, hang on a minute...

DiaDuit · 02/10/2014 18:21

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

So ok, dont impose consequences, but dont expect anything to change if you dont.

If the sheets dont bother you then drop that battle and leave him to sleep on the mattress (but the state of the mattress after a while would piss me off so i'd remove the mattress)

If he wants to eat, enjoy clean laundry, wifi access then he should contribute to the running of the house to pay his way. This is how he will learn that these are the sensible things to do. If he doesnt pay his way by taking up some of the house stuff then you would be forced to do it and so would have to work less an therefore not afford wifi, right?

Fenton · 02/10/2014 18:22

A bit sensitive Neil ? If it makes you feel better morethan's post is equally revolting.

Original poster

Claybury · 02/10/2014 18:30

Funky - as a parent you may have influence but not total control in how they are.
DS has decided his exam grades are of paramount importance at the expense of everything else. I don't take the credit for his work ethos at school and I also don't take the blame for him being a lazy hostile grumpy adolescent.

OP posts:

DiaDuit · 02/10/2014 18:37

I just want him to figure out that it is the sensible thing to do.

I'm not understanding your response to funky, you want him to do the right thing and funky suggests that this might require your input. Do you not want advice? Funky isnt blaming you for his attitude, s/he is suggesting that if you want it to change you might have to do something yourself to get it to change. It wont magically happen. Children dont just decide to be the type if adults they grow into- it takes a bit of parental influence!

bloodyteenagers · 02/10/2014 18:37

Why are you even removing his bedding?
He's 17.
He wants it changing, he does it. Same with his washing full stop.
Where are his life skills? What about when he leaves home. Still gonna come home to mummy to do his washing and cooking.. Or expect his partner to mother him.. No. End this now.

Original poster

Claybury · 02/10/2014 18:48

I am fully aware of his inadequate life skills. But how many on here can honestly say they had to bribe their teenagers with a wifi code every step of the way in order to get them to cooperate. And did it work? Perhaps some are just more willing.

OP posts:

Cardriver · 02/10/2014 19:05

Next time just don't take the dirty covers off

Cardriver · 02/10/2014 19:08

But since you have taken the covers off and the mattress is at risk tell him that you'll take £1 a day from his pocket money/allowance to put towards a new one for when his is completely ruined.

bloodyteenagers · 02/10/2014 19:13

Never bribed my teens with a thing.
They had two choices. Do it or go without.
Change your own bed, otherwise you are sleeping in filth.
Do your own washing otherwise you have no clean clothes.
Cook dinner when rota'd to, because then no-one eats and everyone will hate you.
Move your crap from the living room, because mum will chuck it all in the bin. Leave countless papers scattered all over the place, well obviously they are rubbish, they have been there for days. Oops was they important, big assignment. Well this is why you have folders and space for these things.

Peer pressure is amazing. Bedding after a bit starts to stink. Really stink. Teenagers. Dreams. They don't want their mates accidentally finding 'stains'. So either stop inviting mates round or up their game and do their bedding.

Showers. Eventually people other than yourself do comment about their stench.

Clothes. A couple of detentions for no pe kit cos it's on the floorobe somewhere. Comments from their mates about the state of clothing. Hot date coming up. Suddenly they turn into washing geniuses.

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