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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to put fresh sheets on son's bed -aged 17

107 replies

Claybury · 02/10/2014 17:53

I've stripped it completely & returned him a pile of clean linen. Last night he slept on the bare mattress as he couldn't be bothered. Today he's still saying he won't bother.
I can hold out - I don't care if he's uncomfortable but he's going to ruin the mattress !
It's typical of him, he won't help around the house at all. At all.

OP posts:

moaningminnie2 · 03/10/2014 21:39

Aaah Lucy.You think he is going to be as obliging at 17 as 9?

moaningminnie2 · 03/10/2014 21:40

I do like 'molickodled' though classic!

Hakluyt · 03/10/2014 21:40

"Aaah Lucy.You think he is going to be as obliging at 17 as 9?"

Yes. Why wouldn't he be?

greenfolder · 03/10/2014 21:42

my oldest dd is 19. i took her to her year 2 uni house. went back 3 weeks later with the rest of her stuff and she "was just about to sort the bed out"

wooooosualsuspect · 03/10/2014 21:42

I had my one year old up the chimney as soon as he could walk.

BertieBotts · 03/10/2014 21:43

Leave it. I used to sleep on my bare mattress as a teenager, after a while it gets bobbly and uncomfortable. Then you put a sheet on and it feels nice again, he'll figure that out.

wooooosualsuspect · 03/10/2014 21:43

My teenagers didn't do much at home. They have their own houses now which put mine to shame.

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2014 22:11

But how many on here can honestly say they had to bribe their teenagers with a wifi code every step of the way in order to get them to cooperate. And did it work? Perhaps some are just more willing.

Didn't have wifi when my children were young. They certainly never did everything asked of them and we had many a battle royal, but if they were told asked to change their beds they did, and the jobs they were expected to do at the weekend got done.
Their bedrooms were still pits though...

skylark2 · 03/10/2014 22:16

"Aaah Lucy.You think he is going to be as obliging at 17 as 9?"

I wouldn't say my 18 and 15 year olds are as obliging now as they were at 9, but they know that some things in this household aren't optional and one of them is stripping your own bed (when told to do so) and making it again afterwards.

Sure they moan. Tough. I'm not the maid.

Lucyccfc · 04/10/2014 08:24

Yes he will be just as obliging when he is 17 - my house, my rules. Start as you mean to go on is my motto.

As I said, no point in waiting till they are 17 and start moaning about them.

Hakluyt · 04/10/2014 08:26

Agree to the still being obliging at 17 - disagree with "my house, my rules"

"Our house, our rules" works much better in my experience.

figgieroll · 04/10/2014 08:42

I think you are enabling his behaviour and it's no preparation for adulthood. He's living the life of Riley enabled by you. He isn't doing his A levels every second of the day. Many young people study and have paid or unpaid jobs

He's nota baby. You're meant to be a team. Work together.

figgieroll · 04/10/2014 08:49

I can just see yourDS's future wife pulling her hair out about having such an irresponsible selfish lazy partner. She will blame you (and your DH)

Springcleanish · 04/10/2014 08:51

I find the refusing to bring the shopping in more worrying than the sleeping on a mattress TBH. If he chooses to sleep in squalor, yep that's a teen thing and peers will quickly persuade him. Leave the sheets there, say nothing and I bet in a couple of nights the bed will be made.

But refusing to follow a direct request to help bring the shopping in is outrageous rudeness and showing a lack of common courtesy. If my DS spoke to me like that if I asked a reasonable request I would definitely be withdrawing similar privileges eg 'can I have a lift in the rain?' 'No'.
Just because he's chosen to work hard at school doesn't give him the right to be rude or lazy at home. I expect you work hard too, but still need to manage the household, at 17 he's almost an adult and needs to begin acting like one.

KatieKaye · 04/10/2014 09:13

Why shouldn't a 17 year old be just as obliging?

Your DC are part of a family, where each member has his or her part to play. As they grow and gain more "rights" (e.g. allowed to have friends around for a sleepover) they also gain more responsibilities in the form of doing things around the house - just like the adult family members. Bring them up like this and while thy might moan or try to delay doing the jobs, they will do them.

It takes a lot of work to keep a house going. If you never expect your 5 year old to lay the table or help fold laundry, then you will struggle to get your 12 year old to go round to the oval shop for a pint of milk or do the hoovering and your 17 year old wont even bother to put a sheet on his bed because you've set up an expectation that they just don't have to bother with bring mundane things

KatieKaye · 04/10/2014 09:13

oval??

local

pointythings · 04/10/2014 16:40

I don't think most of MN are hard on teens at all. We just expect them to behave like human beings. And yes, that sometimes means moody, surly, snappy and horrible. But they can bloody well be moody, surly, snappy and horrible whilst doing their share of the housework. Or they can ship out.

If my DDs said 'no' when I asked them to help me bring in the shopping they know there would be consequences. So they don't go there.

Mrsjayy · 04/10/2014 16:57

Why wouldn't he go tto the shop thats bloody rude I would forget to by his favourite whatever next time I went to the supermarket. If he doesn't want his sheet on just leave him to it I have not changed childrens sheets for years I tell them to take them off and givr them clean ones,

wooooosualsuspect · 04/10/2014 17:43

Yeah I'm sure you would kick a 17 year old out for not changing his sheets.

pointythings · 04/10/2014 18:53

No, I wouldn't kick a 17yo just for not changing his sheets. But for persistent disrespect and refusing to help around the house at all? Hell, yeah! At 17 they are nearly old enough to vote. They are old enough to work and pay tax. Yes, exams are important, but they are not an excuse to not contribute and they are not an excuse for out and out contempt for one's parents.

Would all those who think it's ok for their male teens to behave like this please PM me their details, so my DDs can avoid getting into relationships with them?

wooooosualsuspect · 04/10/2014 20:10

My DDs were lazy as teens as well.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2014 20:26

Won't help if she gets into a relationship with a woman who was a lazy teenager, though pointy

Thefishewife · 04/10/2014 21:06

This is on you op my 14 year old changes and washes his own sheets and clothing and irons them

Allowing a child to be lazy makes a lazy child

wannabestressfree · 04/10/2014 21:25

Personally the bed thing wouldn't bother me. I strip the beds and make them back up again once a week. I also do the washing although I do expect anything they want washed to be in baskets.
I would be furious over the shopping bit though and I would be cold shouldering whoever hasn't helped me. We also work on mutual respect and they have nice things, nice life etc but they need to regard my feelings and help me when required.

wooooosualsuspect · 04/10/2014 21:28

I just bung everyone's washing in together. I think it's a bit odd to all wash your own clothes.

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