To think it was unfair of a colleague to say that educating my DC privately was intended to 'buy them a better class of friend'?

[Shard1066]

This was a recent throwaway comment by a colleague, but I was quite hurt by it. I don't have views that private or non-private education is better or worse. There are pros and cons with both. I assume that most parents make the decision based upon the options available, the needs of their children, and possibly finances. I picked the school in question - a famous but not overly academic co-ed day/boarding because I though it would suit my 2 eldest DC, and it seemed the best option. However, we have since moved into an area with an outstanding comprehensive, so may well make a different decision for DC3.

It would not have occurred to me that I was buying 'better friends', and I was quite hurt by this remark? Do some parents actually think in that way?

(PS have NC'd so as not to out myself)

Haha at 'better class of friend' : is a snob a better class of friend?
When dd got into Oxford the day her results came out one of the other mums (whose dd missed her Cambridge grades) said out loud that I must be happy that dd would be 'socially climbing'. As our family have been to excellent universities for generations, I was really really offended.
In fact most people dd met were ...erm....either from well established families in society or very academic children from poor families in rural areas. DD discriminated on the basis of being friends with those who didn't get drunk every night and were left wing. She has thus spectacularly failed to 'socially climb'.
All the ones from wealthy families had partners within a week who stuck to them like burrs for the duration of their degree. There are clearly a section of students who go for this purpose.

*friends', that is. Mustn't let the side down, whatwhat.

cruikshank I didn't say it was easy. Or that it was an option for everyone. Nor does it cost anywhere near £18k a year. Not even close.
But then, again, it's a no win argument.
Strangely, in society, it's fine to admire people with flash cars or big houses but choose to send your kids to a decent school and you're a social pariah.

It was definitely one of the reasons my parents sent my brother to private school - not that they put it like that, obviously! They said he was a bit impressionable and needed an academic sub-culture

Have we got to the bit when we're all just jealous? Or should I look in a bit later (the jealous bits my favourite bit on these threads)

What is meant by the word 'friend' anyway? The poor chap who lived in the biggest and classiest listed mansion house at ds's school was autistic.

Yes, BogQueen, BluePop has already said that people who criticise private education do so out of 'ignorance or envy'.

As for this: but choose to send your kids to a decent school and you're a social pariah.

I couldn't agree more. Just have a look at the cabinet, or indeed the entire front bench of all the major parties and the prominent members of UKIP, look at the directors of FTSE 100 companies, and the senior members of the judiciary, the top flight civil servants etc - not a one of them from private school. It's just terrible how the poor loves are discriminated against.

Bugger

I missed it.

But fir the record. Yes I am jealous that a privately educated child will have advantage over my state educated girls even though they are very lovely, bright and talented. I am jealous.

"Have we got to the bit when we're all just jealous?"

Isn't that always in the first 10 posts?

Sometimes the 'jealous' thing takes a while...after sensitive, battered Volvo, gifted, sink school etc

Shard why are you hurt? There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting your child to have a better standard of education and yes this goes hand in hand with your children socialising with a different echelon of child.

Nothing to be ashamed or hurt about. I'm sure most parents of state education children would love their children to have the advantageous opportunities that privately educated children have.

Speaking as someone with a child going through state education, what I would much rather have is a level playing field where there are opportunities for everyone, rather than a few people at the top handing around large sums of cash between themselves in the form of lucrative contracts and directorships, with those people at the top pretty much all being taken from the 6% of people in the UK who are privately educated. I don't want my son to be part of an exclusive club - I don't want there to be an exclusive club at all. I think it's unhealthy to the point of actually being pretty fucking obscene that such a state of affairs exists, and that we all go along with it while the poor get poorer and the rich get richer.

"yes this goes hand in hand with your children socialising with a different echelon of child."

"Echelon"

You are Hyacinth Bucket and I claim my £5..........

I was privately educated. DS isn't because I think it's a shit, divisive system.

And yes, of course one of the benefits of private education is avoiding mixing with the hoi polloi. Surely you're not that naive?

I agree that many parents send to private to avoid the rif raf. I can't help but judge them as a bit snobby or them thinking their kids are better or too good for the state school but I would never say that to their face.

Hakluyt, I don't think she's listening Which is a pity because, as usual, you are telling it how it is.

People who choose private education for their dcs can dress it up however they want, but not wanting their dc to mix with the likes of my dc is one of the reasons people send their dc to private schools.

One of my friends said that was the exact reason why he sent his son to Dulwich from preschool onwards was so that he mixed with 'people with connections and money to make things happen, more so than the education because he's very impressionable'. So I wouldn't say that to anyone who has children in private school but I would definitely think it.

I have always been opposed to private education but since having my own can see why people pay due to the need to provide the best for their children.

It's a silky comment as it's most definatly not true.

Money doesn't buy class. Behaviour is key.

Yes all private school children live in a total bubble at all times. . After all mine are
The children of a first generation North African immigrant
Muslim
Members of a local sports club that has children from most of the local schools as members
Pupils at a weekend Arabic school that covers a wide range of nationities

So remind me who are my DC supposed to be avoiding?

I sometimes wonder how broad the circle of friends of a child educated in a leafy comp or grammar school really is?

a better echelon of child

That's the funniest thing in have read tonight thank you SuperWifeAndMum

No personally we choose to send our 4 to the local outstanding comp but we are lucky to have such a great one in catchment.

There are some rough kids there though so might make you pearl clutch but they are well behaved in school

People send their children to private schools for the same reason people go to extraordinary lengths to get their children into faith schools or pay over the odds for property in a certain catchment. In general, there is better discipline and therefore a calmer working environment.

Some people do it to avoid the kids at some state schools too, just the same as people buy a house in a certain catchment or apply to a school out of their catchment because their local one is 'shit'.

All parents choose to educate their child at the best school they can offer them. Paying to give your child a decent education is just another route to the same end.

We have friends who were very vocal about their dislike of private schools when they thought they lived in the catchment of the local outstanding state option. Suddenly it became clear to them they were just outside the catchment and didn't have a cat in hells chance of getting their child in. Where is their child educated now? Yes, you guessed it. A private school.

People are rude OP for a lot of different reasons. Where you educate your children is your choice and nothing to do with them. Just ignore.

OP what you have to understand is that when it comes to private school, the general public become clairvoyant. It's quite incredible hoe they know your motivation .

You'd think they'd put such a gift to something more useful ! The Middle East needs them

I disagree that where people educate their children is a personal choice and nothing to do with anyone else. It's a political choice and the education of the next generation of children affects us all, now and in the future.
I think if you elect to give your child a leg up because you can because you have wealth then you should be able to take the opprobrium you deserve.

Chazs Our DC are clearly the only privately educated DC in the whole of the UK who are out and about with their local friends after school and at the weekends.

I disagree Springheeled. How I choose to educate my children and spend money I earn is my business. If there was a good state school in our catchment then my children would be in it. The fact is that I don't and I'm not going to sacrifice my children's future because state education isn't a level playing field for all. If and when it becomes that way I will send my children to state school.

If you want to bash me for that then go ahead.