To think it was unfair of a colleague to say that educating my DC privately was intended to 'buy them a better class of friend'?

[Shard1066]

This was a recent throwaway comment by a colleague, but I was quite hurt by it. I don't have views that private or non-private education is better or worse. There are pros and cons with both. I assume that most parents make the decision based upon the options available, the needs of their children, and possibly finances. I picked the school in question - a famous but not overly academic co-ed day/boarding because I though it would suit my 2 eldest DC, and it seemed the best option. However, we have since moved into an area with an outstanding comprehensive, so may well make a different decision for DC3.

It would not have occurred to me that I was buying 'better friends', and I was quite hurt by this remark? Do some parents actually think in that way?

(PS have NC'd so as not to out myself)

I think it was this phrase that is the most confusing:
"I really do want my DC to mix with people from different backgrounds, and I definitely didn't pick the school on that basis."

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I'm just pointing out that by ruling out the vast number of lower and middle classes from financially being able to send their children to private school, you must have realised you were also ruling out the opportunity for your children to mix with people of different backgrounds.

They're mixing with people from financially similar backgrounds (and however large that bracket is, it's still going to exclude a huge portion of the Uk population).

I don't think private schools are a bad thing, I'm just amused that your colleagues comment to you came as such a surprise, and that this hadn't crossed your mind before.

Well it certainly worked for the Middletons :)

15% of the families in my DCs private school,have an income of less than 21k and are on bursaries. So some social mix.
I wanted my children to be with other who wanted to learn and achieve and not disrupt the lesson unchecked, which is the behaviour I witnessed in our catchment state school.

If I sent my DS to private school so that he acquired a better class of friend, I suspect I wouldn't be encouraging him to stay friends with his local friends and keep him in his local activities as I do. I'm not convinced his local friends are of a "lesser" class or whatever the opposite is. I'm sure some people have this as one of their reasons for going private. I'm not convinced most do.

The private school my dd wants to attend has 93% on bursaries.
You only pay full fees of 31k if you earn 190k, then its a sliding scale.
If you are on full benefits, earnings of 12k or under, you pay nothing and get uniform and travel free.

There are lots of different types of private schools all managed and governed differently.

Not many schools are like this one, but just identifies a different type of private school.

whoops

It is super selective though and not open to anybody, just the elite

Our DCs have gone to a mix of state and private schools including rural grammars, bottom of the league table comprehensives and ultra selective private schools. All have friends from a variety of backgrounds and with varying aspirations. Like most parents who have the means to do so, we have tried to enable each of our DCs to go to a school that would suit them. And we certainly wouldn't want their choice of schools to limit who they could / could not be friends with.

and possibly finances

Hahaha! You really think that finances are an afterthought? Just goes to show how the other half live, eh?

xpost with BogStandardOldWoman

And again! Shall we keep on doing this? It's at least more entertaining than listening to people talk about how private schools are 'for poor people really'.

My kids go to private school (primary) because the local state school is absolutely diabolical and hugely undersubscribed (the class sizes are smaller than DC's school, by default) so if you have our postcode, that's what you get. We moved here just before DS entered Yr 2.
We would perfectly happily send them to state school if a place was available (although DS is now Yr 5 so we would be reluctant to move him, but DD is Yr 2), but various relatives and neighbours have pulled their kids out of said shit school over the last few years because of bullying, disruptive behaviour, poor attendance affecting the whole class (ie other classes getting "treats" but their DC not because of some of the kids in their class always missing school), that sort of thing, as well as terrible academic results.
So in terms of my kids being better off for not being in that environment, I guess that is what we do, pay for a better class of friend, but that's all part of a better school anyway.
To an extent, I get what your colleague is saying but we've had all sorts of throwaway comments about being snobs and you have to accept them as either ignorance or envy or they end up getting you down.
We're not rich, far from it, but we live within our means, both work, have a modest house and one car, and we prioritise school fees over holidays and nights out, but most people who don't send their kids to private school assume that anyone who does is rolling in it.
If it helps, my OH teaches in a state school - for various reasons we decided we didn't want DCs to go there (and it's massively oversubscribed anyway).
He has had comments from colleagues saying he's a hypocrite for working in a state school but sending his kids private. When he explains what school we live near to, they almost always say: "Oh. Fair enough."

It would buy your kids a worse class of friend round these parts.
Bullying at our local private schools is out of control.

anyway it's your choice for your kids and your colleague's right to that opinion. Bit cheeky to say it out loud.

Oh so now we're getting onto the 'If you didn't have nights out or holidays you too could pull £18k a year out of your arsehole' argument. Have we had the 'there are lots of old cars at pick-up time' comment yet?

There has to be an award for a double xpost Bog and cruick

Triple xpost!!!

Rhubarb rhubarb beaten up old Volvo rhubarb rhubarb throw the tent in the back of the car and head for Cornwall rhubarb rhubarb huge social mix local builder turns up in the car park in his van rhubarb rhubarb lots of 100% bursaries including extras, trips and uniform rhubarb rhubarb lots of children from abroad so a better ethnic mix than the state primary school we went to rhubarb rhubarb lots of people making huge sacrifices rhubarb......

Did I mention he's very clever/sensitive/sporty/not sporty/musical and would be eaten alive/sink without trace in a state school.......?

"I've never met anyone who has got, or whose DC has got, any kind of work or work experience from a connection made at a private school" Gosh, don't you? I do. Your friends mist be doing it wrong!

[takes a bow]

(and snaffles cake)

Hakluyt

Maybe amicissima's friend's kids are all so thick that they wouldn't even get a job folding towels in a department store.

And again!