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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... not to take ds back to school this afternoon?

92 replies

greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:15

He has had a hospital appointment, was seen unusually quickly, and we have just got back.

As we were leaving the house at 9.45am this morning, I got a phone call from the school, asking why he wasn't in. I told the teachers last week about this appointment, and also mentioned it to the TA yesterday.

I was told that since the appointment was (late) morning, I should bring him in this afternoon, otherwise it would go down as unauthorised absence.

When I told the teacher about the appointment last week, I explained that I thought it would be unnecessarily disruptive to ds into school just for 45 minutes in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, so would be keeping him off all day.

I don't drive, and there is no easy bus route to the hospital from where we live, so we have walked (about 40 minutes each way). Ds is six years old, and quite tired. He's missed lunchtime at school so is currently eating sandwiches.

I suppose I could rush him through his lunch and get him into his uniform - but this seems really unfair on him, especially as weren't expecting to be back so soon and one of his friends is arriving at 2.30 to play with him.

Think I'm just going to take the unauthorised absence on the chin. Dragging him back to school now does not seem very child-centred to me.

However, I do understand why schools have these rules, and the school are normally brilliant about absolutely everything.

I suppose I'm feeling guilty now. .. and also letting of a bit of steam, cos I was looking forward to an extra hour playing with ds and his friend when he would normally still be finishing school.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 02/10/2014 13:17

YANBU a bit. You could have taken him in for the afternoon. Yes it's a pain but you need to get them used to it or these things build up and before you know it, he's got a bad attendance record.

thetoysarealiveitellthee · 02/10/2014 13:17

what time does school finish for him?

BeamMeUpSooty · 02/10/2014 13:17

I wouldn't, if it was me. Enjoy the time with your DS and forget about the unauthorised absence. Try not to let it spoil your afternoon.

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2014 13:19

I think YABU to keep him off for a whole day just for one appointment.

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2014 13:20

Agree with Worra I'm afraid.

Nomama · 02/10/2014 13:21

Write to the HT and tell them... not happening. Get used to it!

Show me how I can report future absences in a way that will
a) be remembered by your staff
b) will avoid such ridiculous threats

The await the response... and let us know

thetoysarealiveitellthee · 02/10/2014 13:21

infact, I was thinking YABU but for me it would depend on how he is getting on at school and how his attendance has been. My DS for eg has great attendance but hes a bit behind so IIWM Id be taking him in (and have done so in the past)

Is his friend school age?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/10/2014 13:21

Sorry but I think YABU too. It's not like he is ill.

What about the friend coming at 2.30 - why isn't s/he in school at that time?

Original poster

greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:21

His attendance is normally very good, and he is achieving well at school. He would normally finish at 3pm and we weren't expecting to be back from the hospital until about 1.30pm (and I think half an hour to eat lunch is reasonable - he was hungry and i am certainly not sending him back without any food in his tummy).

OP posts:

skylark2 · 02/10/2014 13:21

I think arranging for a child to come play during school hours was a bit off, tbh - you must have suspected you'd be back in plenty of time and that he wouldn't be especially tired.

I would have taken him back and used it as goodwill in the future. I suspect DD's school made a lot less fuss about massively overrunning appointments and her not getting back when I'd said she would because of the times when we got back early so she missed less time than I'd asked for.

Original poster

greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:22

The friend is home educated.

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 02/10/2014 13:23

yabu - also you need to write a letter to school - just telling people isn't effective

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/10/2014 13:23

Oh and at our school, requests for absences have to be in writing or they don't count.

Original poster

greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:23

and the friend would be here anyway - I am looking after her while her mum has an appointment

OP posts:

Moominmarvellous · 02/10/2014 13:25

I think you should do what you want to do. The school wants numbers on a page, they don't care about the practicalities - that's up to us.

FWIW I'd keep my child off too for the sake of an hour and 45 mins.

If there was a next time I'd probably try (if it was an option) to get an early or late appointment so it didn't become a habit.

He'll get a dreaded 'unauthorised absence' but I'm sure his boss won't mind

Original poster

greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:25

ds has whole days off for medical appointments before, when they have been in a city 60 miles away. We have never been asked for proof of the appointment before.

OP posts:

Vintagejazz · 02/10/2014 13:25

If he's not going to be having regular hospital appointments I don't see the harm in keeping him off. He's only 6 so he's not going to be missing some important revision class or somesuch. I know schools have to be careful to keep an eye on casual absences but I think sometimes it goes too far.

redskybynight · 02/10/2014 13:26

DD had a late morning appointment last week. The school said they expected her to be in for morning registration and for us to get her back to school as soon as possible after her appointment (and to let them know if we were stuck at the hospital and unable to get back before end of school). I think that was a perfectly reasonable request.

Sounds like (on the basis you even have a friend coming round before the end of school) that you had mentally decided he was going to have the whole day off regardless ...

thetoysarealiveitellthee · 02/10/2014 13:26

check though that the unauthorised absence doesnt land you a fine otherwise get him there via helicopter

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2014 13:28

Aren't you supposed to ring the office to report his absence?

It's not really something that should be down to the teacher/TA to do for you.

That's how it works in my DC's school anyway.

Regarding his attendance, surely he hasn't been back from his Summer holidays long enough for you to say it's normally very good?

They're only about 4 weeks into this new term, aren't they?

Nanny0gg · 02/10/2014 13:28

You need to write a note explaining the absence (tomorrow will be fine, unless they've changed the rules), but in future do it in advance.

And I'd have kept him at home too!

PiperIsOrange · 02/10/2014 13:29

Just a tip in future, ring and ask for the last appointment for the day.

Normally means waiting a little longer for an appointment, but it less distruptive on the school days.

Yanbu, I have done the same with DS and as he is asd it easier on him to just put no school on his home chart.

ChippingInLatteLover · 02/10/2014 13:29

I'd do what nomama has suggested

*Write to the HT and tell them... not happening. Get used to it!

Show me how I can report future absences in a way that will
a) be remembered by your staff
b) will avoid such ridiculous threats

The await the response... and let us know*

It's madness, stupidity & pettiness all rolled into one phone call!

popmimiboo · 02/10/2014 13:29

YANBU keep him home after a medical appointment if he's tired and needs some calm time.
YABU to have organized a playdate at 2.30 though. I'd be fine keeping him home but guilty about him having a friend round when he could be at school.

Definitely write/ email head to ask for protocol on informing teachers in advance of absences as it is not your fault the teacher forgot!

Original poster

greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:29

As I have said, the friend would be here anyway, and normally would already be here when he comes home from school.

glad there are some of you who don't think I'm being unreasonable. I just hate the idea of putting him through all the hassle of going back in for one hour's teaching time, just for a tick in the attendance box.

OP posts:

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