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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... not to take ds back to school this afternoon?

92 replies

greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:15

He has had a hospital appointment, was seen unusually quickly, and we have just got back.

As we were leaving the house at 9.45am this morning, I got a phone call from the school, asking why he wasn't in. I told the teachers last week about this appointment, and also mentioned it to the TA yesterday.

I was told that since the appointment was (late) morning, I should bring him in this afternoon, otherwise it would go down as unauthorised absence.

When I told the teacher about the appointment last week, I explained that I thought it would be unnecessarily disruptive to ds into school just for 45 minutes in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, so would be keeping him off all day.

I don't drive, and there is no easy bus route to the hospital from where we live, so we have walked (about 40 minutes each way). Ds is six years old, and quite tired. He's missed lunchtime at school so is currently eating sandwiches.

I suppose I could rush him through his lunch and get him into his uniform - but this seems really unfair on him, especially as weren't expecting to be back so soon and one of his friends is arriving at 2.30 to play with him.

Think I'm just going to take the unauthorised absence on the chin. Dragging him back to school now does not seem very child-centred to me.

However, I do understand why schools have these rules, and the school are normally brilliant about absolutely everything.

I suppose I'm feeling guilty now. .. and also letting of a bit of steam, cos I was looking forward to an extra hour playing with ds and his friend when he would normally still be finishing school.

AIBU?

OP posts:
wigfieldrocks · 02/10/2014 13:30

Your son is 6 years old, a bit of perspective by the school would be helpful here. YANBU, you weren't expecting to be back until later and let's face it hospitals are in fact usually notoriously late at running clinics. He's 6, it's not going to make a jot of difference in the grand scheme of things if he misses 2 hours of school.

Anotherchapter · 02/10/2014 13:33

Oh let him enjoy his day off!

I can't stand the school police on here.

vanillavelvet · 02/10/2014 13:35

My DD had an appointment yesterday. I don't know how easy it would be for you to do this, but I scanned the appointment letter and emailed it to the school, so they had evidence of what she would be off for.

I did take her back to school afterwards though, mainly to get her into good habits.

TrisisFour · 02/10/2014 13:35

YABU, especially having arranged a play date in school time aswell.

As for absences, I always attach a copy of the hospital appointment letter along with written confirmation of absence.

Floggingmolly · 02/10/2014 13:37

The distance to school makes no difference... You're still only doing the journey once, just like any other school day Confused

You are being ridiculously unreasonable to arrange a playdate for him before school ends; when he's too "tired" to actually go to school.

erin99 · 02/10/2014 13:39

Put it in writing next time. The school need 'evidence' for their records - ours have never asked for copies of appt letters but do require a written note from the parent.

TheHoneyBadger · 02/10/2014 13:40

keep him off and send him in tomorrow with a note saying, 'ds was absent yesterday morning due to a hospital appointment that i informed you of last week. unfortunately ds then felt in the afternoon so was absent due to illness'.

he's six ffs. all this yabu for having the audacity to make a call on your own child's best interests is ridiculous.

join your friend in home educating and you'll never have to deal with this nonsense again.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/10/2014 13:41

Let them huff.
I never ever told school that our Orthodontist, while a long way away, was very efficient.

Why, because DD1 and me wanted to be free to grab a nice lunch in town. By dinner time her adjusted brace hurt, but she was fine straight after.

Flipflops7 · 02/10/2014 13:42

YANBU.

CSIJanner · 02/10/2014 13:43

This is a bit like being caught by the boss shopping for clothes whilst signed off on sick leave.

YABU for arranging a play date. Yes, I know you were due to look after his friend but timing was not great. What I would say on the other hand is that the possiblity of appointments running late, late buses (although you did walk) etc might mean that you didn't get home until after the afternoon session had started. NoMama had it right - write a letter and see what they say.

Original poster
greenbananas · 02/10/2014 13:46

Please folks understand that the play date would be happening anyway, the little girl always arrives at this time, whether ds is at school or not! She and her mum come round every week, always arriving at 2.30ish.

Thanks to all of you who are being understanding. I do support the school, and am in no way worried about ds' s work ethic.

My feeling is that his needs come before the tick box of a school absence and that hustling him into school just for an hour is silly, and putting the paperwork first instead of the children.

I'm so glad some of you agree with me.

OP posts:
WeeClype · 02/10/2014 13:47

I did the same last week....my Dd had a appointment at the hospital, the letter said it could take 2 hours so I gave dd the choice of going back to school (which was a double graphics period) or staying home. She chose staying home as it meant she could catch up with the pile of homework she had.

the app only lasted 20mins so we went for some nice cake before picking up the 2yr old from my mil's house

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/10/2014 13:55

Ffs Yanbu. It's alright for those who live locally and cab just walk or drive and be there in a few mins. If dd had an appointment I'd then have to get on and off several buses and by the time if git her there I'd have to hang around near the school as it wouldn't have been worth going home. Great fun with DD2 In tow. I think people forget that the kid may well make it there in time but you have to make it there and back. Then go back again meaning your pissing about on buses or trains for hours.

ChunkyPickle · 02/10/2014 14:08

YANBU, and you shouldn't have to ask for permission or prove where you've been. You are his parent.

I have a very low tolerance for box-ticking, and the occasional day off for an appointment will have no effect on his, or the other children in his class's education.

Triooooooooooo · 02/10/2014 14:14

Yanbu, I usually keep my dcs off for mid morning appts, mainly because I don't drive tbh. School is four miles away, the hospital is also four miles away in the opposite direction, it just isn't doable without forking out £20 or so on taxis, so I keep him off.

Ie on Monday he had an appt at 11am, we were out by 12.45 bit by the time we'd got out and had some lunch it was 2pm.

TheHoneyBadger · 02/10/2014 14:19

work ethic at 6 Grin oh yes, little johnny will be signing on for the rest of his life now all thanks to you not dragging an exhausted 6yo who has walked 40mins each way to a hospital appointment back to school for an hour to then walk home again. you terrible mother you Wink

Triooooooooooo · 02/10/2014 14:19

And his school day starts at 9.30, he gets transport but by the time I'dpicked up and hhauled him out of the class room to get one of the two buses we need he'd have had around 45 minutes in the classroom !!

canweseethebunnies · 02/10/2014 14:20

YANBU. And I wholeheartedly agree with Anotherchapter.

pearpotter · 02/10/2014 14:21

I agree it's different if you don't have a car.

tilbatilba · 02/10/2014 14:23

He's SIX !! Let him play - the world has gone mad!

rocketjam · 02/10/2014 14:24

I think that you should have put it in writing, because teachers do forget, they have 30 children to look after. Apart from that, I think it's nothing to worry about. It's one non authorised absence, nothing will happen to you. Otherwise, I assume you have an appointment letter from the hospital, you could write a short note to the school as to why your DS has missed a day at school and attach a copy of the appointment letter. In my opinion, the school is wrong - but they can be so over the top.

starlight1234 · 02/10/2014 14:28

I assume he is at home at the mo.. My question would be as you say they were unusually quick it will be a regular hospital appointments and a day off each time would add up to a lot of missed days.

combust22 · 02/10/2014 14:30

Always in writing- for everything. I also don't mention appointment times, as I don't need the school to know how long it takes me to get there/get ready/ whether we will be stopping for lunch on the way back.

So something like- "johnny won't be at school on ... as he has a hospital sppointment." or "johnny wil be in around lunch time this day as he has a dentist's appointment"

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/10/2014 14:33

Is this likely to be a regular thing or a one off?

Floggingmolly · 02/10/2014 14:34

Why does his friend arrive to play with him a full hour before he actually gets home? And does she and her mum stay in your house while you go and collect him? Sounds a little unbelievable to me...