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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how old your DC were when you first put them into nursery?

137 replies

MustHaveMoreTea · 02/10/2014 07:23

Whether or not it was because you had to go back to work f/t or p/t or if just to preserve your sanity and if think it was the right thing to do, looking back?
3 months old? 6 months? 9 months? Or only at year, 2 years, 3 years? Was it very difficult to do?
The new term/school year just having started I'm having some doubts over here! Hmm I just picked the closest one to me (not many choices around here anyway) but I'm also wondering how you chose the right place for your infant/toddler?

OP posts:
bananaleaf · 03/10/2014 09:23

Honeypie your situation sounds similar to mine and I am considering putting DD 9mo in nursery one day a week. Only family I have around is MIL and she doesn't really help. Has watched her for about an hour on 3 separate occasions over 9 months. But she fully supports the idea.
This thread has been good reading as I am also thinking about full time child care for next year when I go back to work but feeling a bit conflicted about it.

Only1scoop · 03/10/2014 09:33

Banana I would go for it. My dd was 9 months and for us it worked perfectly. Maybe consider two half days to start....gets them used to environment without a big gap between sessions.

BertieBotts · 03/10/2014 09:41

Childminder at 2, pre-school at 3. Was very happy with it and DS settled in well/easily at those ages.

Original poster
MustHaveMoreTea · 03/10/2014 09:57

Have considered a CM yes but thought that maybe the social aspect is better?
PP asked how long we've been at it, and DC's been going for a fortnight so far. How long to wait before um deciding to um stay at home for another couple of months/change school/run away to distant island with DC?

OP posts:
chocolatebourbon · 03/10/2014 10:10

DS: 9 months, as I was going back to work. Very slow to settle in but then loved it. I do now regret it as I have so little chance to have one to one time with him now he is older. That was my window and I have missed it now DD is here too. I also feel bright/bustling nurseries are lovely for a couple of hours but then they can get exhausting for children who find it difficult to switch off/nap.

DD: almost 3 years, mornings only, as it is free and I need her to go to learn the local language which we do not speak at home. She has settled in very well but is extremely tired when she gets home and sometimes has to have a sleep before she can even eat her lunch. I couldn't imagine sending her for the full day yet. She did go to a CM a couple of days a week before this and, having tried both, I think the home-from-home environment is much gentler on a very small child.

honeypie10 · 03/10/2014 10:11

banana Then go for it, look around for one you like and see how the settling in period goes. then decide how long you would like her to be there.

I only went 2 full days rather than mornings as he loved it so much I had no problem that he'd be ok without me for the whole day but do what you feel comfortable with. The stuff they do with him is more than I can do as i was constantly exhausted from being up through the night with him. so now my time with him is really good and we make the most of it.

Its also a good idea to get her used to it now and build it up slowly if you are going to need her to be there full time next year too.

UsuallyLurking1 · 03/10/2014 10:59

When we had dd (just turned 3) we thought we were lucky to have a local friend who did childminding and she had dd from 5 months to 12 months or so. Then she had a third child of her own and we had to find a local nursery as she was struggling with numbers

Cm did a great job and we were concerned about nursery but it was the best thing we could have done, she's really benefitted from more children her age around

For various reasons when ds (now 10 months) arrived. We needed to put him in at 3 months and we were a little concerned this was too early, but again they have been fantastic.

Maybe we got lucky with the nursery (was also the only one we visited although we had options, just got a very good feeling about the place)

In a strange way (and this is just my perception so might be wrong and I don't want to paint a picture that nursery staff have 'favourites') there seems to have been a benefit from dd being there longer than most of the other children, seems to have a better, more natural, bond with the staff than some of the other children.

That being said we are lucky that both DP and I can work 3.5 days a week so kids are only in nursery 2-3 days a week and we get the best of both worlds. Wouldn't want to send youngest to nursery 5 days a week (although appreciate this is unavoidable for some)

What I would say is don't beat yourself up about it. If you have the right nursery there isnt 'too soon'
DD has a wail of a time in the week when either of mum and dad are at home but she still shouts 'yay, nursery we're here' every day we get there

girliefriend · 03/10/2014 11:39

Normally cm have more than one child and go to lots of play groups and drop ins so they still get lots of social interaction.

I would give it a at least a month and if not happy maybe have a look round a few cms just to compare, see what you think.

marcopront · 03/10/2014 11:46

I had a nanny at home (not in the UK) for DD from 2.5 months. I worked over the road and could come back for lunch and cuddles. We moved back to the UK when she was 9 months and she went to a child minder. The child minder was out of the house every day at play groups so she got a lot of social interaction. We moved overseas again when she was nearly three, we've been in two countries with two different people looking after her.

It has been hard at times but I think she is a very secure and independent girl.

BackforGood · 03/10/2014 11:46

Babies don't need "friends" to socialise with - dcs don't tend to start playing with as opposed to alongside other dc until they are 2-3, so they certainly don't need to go to Nursery for a social aspect.
CMs will usually have other dc there at different times of the week. I know when mine were little, they absolutely adored the "big children" who came home from school and played with them, and then, once my dc were the "big children", they absolutely loved having a baby or toddler to play with/read to etc. CMs will also, very often, go to CM groups once or twice a week, or local Stay and Play groups with their mindees, so they do get to experience being alongside other dc.

BertieBotts · 03/10/2014 11:59

I find a CM better for under threes, because under threes don't play with each other, but they will play happily with older children and adults, in fact they get a lot more out of this. They also love to watch and be a part of everyday activities, IMO more so than the sort of activities that happen in a nursery like songtime or more structured play. And of course CMs can do craft, painting etc too - DS's did.

I remember when DS was approaching nursery age his CM was very concerned that he would struggle, because every time they went to a park or playgroup with unknown children he would shy away, I'd noticed this too - he would not play on something at the park if there was one other child on it. She did spend some time trying to encourage him but without much luck. When he did start, though, he surprised us all by being absolutely fine. I guess he was just old enough to cope with it.

There are obviously pros and cons to nursery and childminders and individual ones probably vary more than looking at them as a group but given equal quality I do prefer CM care for under-threes every time.

pointythings · 03/10/2014 17:07

The obvious downside of a CM is that if they are ill or go on holiday, you're left either without a backup, or with whatever the CM can arrange, which isn't always brilliant. My DD1 was with a CM after school for her reception. The CM was a lovely person and very capable, but she took her kids to Disney during term time and was off sick four times in that first year. I was not impressed with the replacement she rustled up and transferred to an after school club after the first year because of it.

Annunziata · 03/10/2014 17:15

DD is 18 months old and she's just finished her first month at nursery.

I am at home with her, but I just needed a break Blush

It's been really, really good for her though. She's number 7 but there's a fifteen year age gap between her and the next youngest, so she doesn't get to play with babies. Her friends come straight up to her when we go in in the morning! Grin

BertieBotts · 03/10/2014 17:29

True pointythings but it wasn't an issue for me, CM was barely ever ill or on holiday. I suppose that's one of those individual things.

pointythings · 03/10/2014 18:49

I think you have to balance the risks - I might have gone for a CM had I not worked over an hour away from where I live, with a DH who doesn't drive. It's all about assessing the practicalities and then choosing what's best for your child within the boundaries of what is possible. If my DDs hadn't thrived at nursery from the off, DH and I would have considered other arrangements. We've been very lucky.

marcopront · 04/10/2014 12:06

Pointythings that does depend on the childminder. Mine had secondary school age children, I taught one of them, and never took time off in school holidays. Her back up was someone she met up with most days at play groups so DD knew her well.

CPtart · 04/10/2014 12:22

Four and five months respectively (for 3 days each time) to preserve my sanity and get back to work. It swallowed all my salary for a few years but god, was it worth it. Lovely nursery, very local, great facilities....but we could have bought another property for what it cost us over the years.

Pico2 · 04/10/2014 14:11

My DD is extremely sociable and loved the interaction she got by having lots of staff at nursery as well as other children and parents dropping in. That mattered for her well before she was 3. I think it is very different depending on the child, but I think a nursery really suited her from a young age.

I8toys · 04/10/2014 14:38

5 months for both of mine for 3 days a week. Absolutely the right thing to do for us. They are both 11 and 9 now - don't seem to have suffered any after effects because of it. I however now have a fab job because of this continued working - Part time hours, 2 days working at home and able to drop off in the morning - great salary that has built up because of my continued working. No regrets at all.

RabidFairy · 04/10/2014 14:46

Both of mine went to nursery between 9-10 months old as I went back to work p/t. We had one about. 10 minute walk from our house so we automatically went with that one (living out in the sticks it was the only option bar driving into town 20 minutes by car away) and it's fab.

Tadla · 04/10/2014 14:57

DC1, 11 months doing 11 hour days, 4 days per week.
DC2 will be 9 months, 11 hour days, 3 days per week.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 16:06

16 weeks old

combust22 · 04/10/2014 16:11

ralth- what were the circumstances? Many would think that is quite young.

Eva50 · 04/10/2014 16:14

My older two would have had to go to nursery at 14 weeks old if a generous night shift worker hadn't swapped with me. That's all the maternity leave that was available then.

MadameJosephine · 04/10/2014 16:32

Personally I prefer a childminder for little ones, both of mine went to a childminder from 6 months when I went back to work. DS' s childminder moved away when he was 2 so he then went to a nursery and I felt that was just right so DD has just started a private nursery 1 day a week at 22 months with a view to changing to full time soon, probably in the next couple of months

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