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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how old your DC were when you first put them into nursery?

137 replies

MustHaveMoreTea · 02/10/2014 07:23

Whether or not it was because you had to go back to work f/t or p/t or if just to preserve your sanity and if think it was the right thing to do, looking back?
3 months old? 6 months? 9 months? Or only at year, 2 years, 3 years? Was it very difficult to do?
The new term/school year just having started I'm having some doubts over here! Hmm I just picked the closest one to me (not many choices around here anyway) but I'm also wondering how you chose the right place for your infant/toddler?

OP posts:
Eva50 · 02/10/2014 09:38

Ds1 started on his first birthday, one day a week, as I was working night shift, pregnant and needed a sleep during the day. Once ds2 was born I took ds1 out of nursery and he started at another one aged 2y 10m. He's was fine.

Ds2 started at ds1's nursery at 2y 11m he didn't settle and moved to a playgroup and childminder at 4y. Was always unsettled and took a long time to settle at school.

Ds3 went to a childminder at 9 months as I had changed to work day shift. He moved to the school nursery with wraparound care at 3y 2m and has always been quite happy.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/10/2014 09:38

3 days a week at 6 months as that's when my mat pay ran out.

Looked at a few nurseries based on geography but fell in love with the first one I saw and he stayed there till he was 5 and off to school, by which time they felt like family.

Regrets? I would have liked longer at home I guess, but not going back to work wasn't an option, neither was bringing in no money. I would have liked another 6 months though, but I don't think it made any difference to DS. Keeping my career on track then has led to redundancy and me now working freelance from home, which means I don't need any childcare now (DS is 9 and I've worked from home since he started school). So I feel the time I gave up then has paid dividends for the time I have available for him now.

ScarlettlovesRhett · 02/10/2014 09:47

Eldest boy went to childminder from 5 months(ish), then nursery from 2; youngest went straight to nursery from 6 months.

I only got 4 months maternity leave and 6 months maternity leave so no choice for me. No family lived nearby and both me and my husband worked full time so they were in from 0745 to 1715 from the off.

They were both completely fine and really enjoyed it - they are 12 & 9 now and still perfectly fine so with hindsight, I wouldn't change anything.

Spindarella · 02/10/2014 09:49

DC1 went from 7mths. Full time.
DC2 went from 13mths 2.5 days per week.

I was very happy with the nursery - it is very well regarded locally and people refer to it as XXXXX's place rather than its name because the owner/manager has been there for years and is well known in the community - one of those formidable but warm types.

DC1 has always been very independent - would insist on feeding himself, toilet trained really early, famous words "I do it, I do it" about EVERYTHING! I think nursery was abolutely the right environment for him and I see him now developing into a really sound, sensible young man.

DC2 has always needed more. We joke even the second he was born he looked around eyes wide open then as soon as he was cuddled into me he closed them again and went back to sleep. He's 8 now and still a cuddler, still needs tons of affection/comfort/security. Looking back, it was probably good for him to go to nursery from so young as I think he may have become too "clingy" - that's not the right word. Full time, for him, might have been too much of a stretch though. Or it might have been good for him. I don't know!

What I can say is both boys are well adjusted, full of love, and content. I do credit that particular nurery with a lot - they both have beautiful manners not from me and I didn't feel guilty about my hatred of craft activities. I'll bake, I'll sing, I'll run round parks but craft is my kryptonite.

treadheavily · 02/10/2014 09:51

First child at 11m (really regretted it)
Second at 8 weeks (no regrets)

ElephantsNeverForgive · 02/10/2014 09:52

SAHM
DD1 preschool at 2&9months (earliest they could go) She settled in ok and increased her mornings over the years. She still finds social stuff hard, 13 years later, so she gave the runaround sneaking off and finding her own space.

DD2 went to nursery one full day a week from 18 months for my sanity, her sanity and to give DD1 afternoons with me.

She loved it, she is DD1's polar opposite. She needs people!

It's a lovely nursery, with loads of space and lovely young staff, she continued going all through preschool ( much to their irritation I think) and to their holiday club until she out grew it at 8.

We still wave when we drive past and DD is 13!

LikeSilver · 02/10/2014 09:55

DD started at 10m (2.5 days) as I had to go back to work part-time. At the time I would rather have stayed at home, although she settled very well, we never had any tears.

bigTillyMint · 02/10/2014 09:57

They both started nursery at 6 months.
For DD it was 8-5 5 days a week for a year or so, then 3 days a week.
For DS it was 3 days a week.

Working full-time was hard for me - I missed DD so much, but she was well cared-for there and was always happy to go/when I picked up.

They still (15/13) have happy memories of being there and are still friends with some of the children they met thereSmile

At 6 months there was no clinginess starting, but I know others with DC starting at 9months plus found it harder.

LikeSilver · 02/10/2014 09:57

Sorry - posted too soon. At the time I would rather have stayed at home with her for longer, but working was financially necessary. She is 2.5 now and loves nursery (still 2.5 days) and at her age I am glad of the break it gives me (she is fabulous and lovely but hard work!), particularly as I am now pregnant and have been extremely ill.

JustShakeitoff · 02/10/2014 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canweseethebunnies · 02/10/2014 10:27

My dd started at 9 months, but was quite a gradual process. At first she just did 2 four hour sessions a week. When she was 18 months she did 2 nine hour days per week, but was fine as she already knew the place. I then swapped her to 3 six hour days when my working hours changed.

She always loved it, and when I switched her back to shorter days, she never wanted to come home! She's in yr1 now and still misses her nursery. I think the fact that she started going there as a baby, just for a few hours, meant that we never had a problem with separation anxiety that you get when they're a bit older, cos she already knew the place. She was generally quite happy to be passed to anyone, though! Not a clingy child.

BeyondRepair · 02/10/2014 10:29

3 years

BeyondRepair · 02/10/2014 10:30

3 Year and when she first started , she would cry when I left, I used to stand by the door and secretly watch her, and after a few mins she would stop and run round, this lasted a week.

Not a clingy child always very happy to run off to play with others, since she could walk really.

MrsBungle · 02/10/2014 10:35

Both of mine went to nursery at age 1 for 2 days per week (8:30-4) when I went back to work. No regrets.

Babycino81 · 02/10/2014 10:42

My DD has just started nursery (3 weeks ago!) and is one next week. I was terrified by the prospect, very reluctant about her going but she absolutely loves it. To the point she claps her hands and starts shrieking when we get to the car park! It
Has suited her down to the ground and she is really thriving

Metalgoddess · 02/10/2014 10:44

My ds was 4 years old and went 2 days a week. My dd is 2 and will probably do the same.

MindReader · 02/10/2014 10:51

ds:
at age 3.5 went to playgroup for 2.5 hours a day.
Preschool nursery at 3.10m (half days).
School at 4yr 10m (which was too young, should have deferred).

dd:
ditto but she was 6m older for each stage due to birthdays.
She has done fine.

I would have preferred a more sociable experience for them preschool that was not formal but it was not available where we live.

PassTheAnswers · 02/10/2014 11:42

13 months when I went back to work. Went straight into nursery room 1 rather than into the baby rooms (nursery takes from 3 months) and has done 5 days a week 8am-6pm. He gets more out of being there all day than he did being with me all day. dc2 due in Jan and he will stay full time til April and then go down to 3 days a week 8-6.

catgirl1976 · 02/10/2014 11:48

5 months old

He loves it. He's now coming up to three.

Totally the right thing, no regrets

KERALA1 · 02/10/2014 12:28

Bauhasfen I agree but for many going back to work is essential. Both mine went at nearly 4 when the pre school funding kicked in for a few mornings.

I treasure those (fleeting) pre school years now they are at school and am working again.

stopgap · 02/10/2014 12:46

The week after he turned three (so last month) DS1 started three mornings a week. It was crucial. He's been in occupational therapy for six months, and one-on-one play dates since the age of two have often disintegrated into a mixture of tears and anxiety. But he is coming round with the other kids. Not exactly playing with them yet, but talking about them.

Original poster
MustHaveMoreTea · 02/10/2014 13:39

DC is 7mths and I just went back to work. DC's been a while now, 3 days a week, but there is lots of crying and bottle refusing and no sleep while there. Hmm It breaks my heart. (PFB and all that shit I know. Blush)
Place seems friendly and fine and older kids seem really happy and confident when I go round to drop off/pick up but with the creche class it is so difficult to tell, right????? How do you tell?
What is a good staff to child ratio for smaller infants? Does it always look like staff "manage" the babies (feed, change, put down for a nap, facilitate play between children, comfort > staff all look happy and relaxed and not angry or cold towards the children or anything!) or should there be time for lots of one-on-one interaction? It would seem impossible that they can do lots of focused play with even a small group of 3-11month olds with different schedules to look after, but I also feel worried that DC isn't getting enough "face-time "teaching" or "communicating" with the adults, if that makes sense?
At home DC seems exhausted and a bit clingy afterwards but hasnt "changed" really. Not yet been ill eiether. But it seems harder than I thought it would be for both of us.
I may be able to take the financial hit and wait another month (maybe two, but it will be really tough!) and then send DC back again, but I dont know if it will be any better.
Am so clueless!
It's great to hear all the different stories though! it really helps to put things in perspective too. :)

OP posts:
BeCool · 02/10/2014 15:12

My 2 were with CM full time when I returned to work at 8m & 6m.

Both were offered FT nursery places at local authority nurseries aged 3.

DD2 has just stated FT (4.5 days per week and she is 3y5m) at the nursery attached to DD1's school and she LOVES it.

Both girls are (mostly) happy secure people and feel loved.

girliefriend · 02/10/2014 16:18

I went back to work p/t when dd was 7 months, my gut feeling was that a nursery environment would be too much for her (she was a sensitive baby, easily over stimulated etc) so she went to a cm. This worked well as she liked having one key figure and the home environment.

When she was just over 2yo she started at a local nursery two days a week. She loved the social side of it and seemed more ready for it.

Op did you consider a cm?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 02/10/2014 16:23

Ds1 at 12 months and ds2 at 13 months. They both went to the nursery attached to work which was my favourite when I visited a few and also the most convenient (luckily!).

They both started school nursery the term after they turned 3.