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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how old your DC were when you first put them into nursery?

137 replies

MustHaveMoreTea · 02/10/2014 07:23

Whether or not it was because you had to go back to work f/t or p/t or if just to preserve your sanity and if think it was the right thing to do, looking back?
3 months old? 6 months? 9 months? Or only at year, 2 years, 3 years? Was it very difficult to do?
The new term/school year just having started I'm having some doubts over here! Hmm I just picked the closest one to me (not many choices around here anyway) but I'm also wondering how you chose the right place for your infant/toddler?

OP posts:
Thurlow · 02/10/2014 17:04

Personally I liked a CM at that age. DD was about 8mo when she started about 30 hours a week in childcare, and as she was so young I felt more comfortable with a CM. Nothing at all against nurseries for young babies, but I felt more comfortable knowing she was in a smaller, slightly quieter environment.

She's still with a CM at 2.8 but that's more due to practicality. In some ways I think a nursery would be better for her but that can wait until the free funding.

Spindarella · 02/10/2014 17:10

I think it's very much horses for courses. I used to drop mine off and they'd be delighted to get there and would sometimes cry when I came to pick them up! I knew they were safe there and like being there. However I do remember the odd child who'd always seem to be crying at drop off and doing the leg clinging thing. To a degree they must "get over it" but it must be really hard being the mum in that position while it is happening.

Sometimes things just don't fit. Sometime it's a case of persevereance. And there's no way of knowing what you should do.

Wow I'm helpful - basically just said "don't know"!

TeracottaTurtle · 02/10/2014 17:12

Both of mine went to a preschool for 2 hours, twice a week at 2.5. They both started school nursery (part time) at 3, and it was just in readiness for getting them ready to be left.

Personally I wouldn't choose a nursery at all for a baby/toddler. Mine didn't need one because my mum used to have them for me, but now they're older they're with a cm for after school and some holidays, which I much prefer.

If we had another baby now i'd choose a cm as my mum can no longer have them due to health.

pintsizeprincess · 02/10/2014 17:12

My dd started nursery 3 afternoons per week when she was 20 months. I went back to work part time in the evenings so it was to cover the crossover time for dp getting home and me starting work. Although the social side of it was important to us too. I didn't have many mum friends with small children and the toddler groups around by me were not great so i felt it was a good way for her to have plenty interaction with children her age. She goes to quite a small nursery which was recommended by family and is really thriving there. She is much more confident and loves playing with her little friends. Best decision we made in my own experience.

FrenchJunebug · 02/10/2014 17:33

My DS went 4 days a week at 9 months and full time at 1 year old. I would have gone mad otherwise.

Lizardc · 02/10/2014 18:23

DS1 went at 11m when I went back to work. DS2 went at a year. I wasn't working at that point, but we think nursery is good for them and it gave me 1:1 time with ds1, as they did different days.

In retrospect, I think it was fine starting when they did. But I can also see how much more they get out if it from 2 or 2.5. So whilst not harmful at a year, probably a lot of money for something not necessarily beneficial either (appreciate a lot of people have no choice though).

amyhamster · 02/10/2014 18:28

Ds had to go at 5 months

I was only allowed six months maternity leave & I had to start maternity leave a month before he was born :(

It made me laugh people saying shop around for nurseries

We just had to go with the only one that stayed open until 6pm, all the others closed at 5.30 & when you finish work at 5.30 how the feck are you meant to pick them up ??

Dd started at 9 months
By then the law had come in that you could have longer maternity leave

amyhamster · 02/10/2014 18:30

Should add they only went 2 days a week
I only went back 16 hours to begin with

Pico2 · 02/10/2014 21:42

I might sound odd, but DD started nursery at 6 months, 2 mornings a week while I wasn't working. I did this for two reasons:

  1. Separation anxiety peaks a few months later, so I wanted her to be settled earlier than that. This had worked for some people I know.
  1. I wanted a bit of time to go to exercise classes and to relax.

She then went 3 days a week from 11 months when I went back to work.

That approach worked really well for us. DD took a little while to settle into nursery - they offered 6 settling in sessions with the option of more if needed and we needed an extra one. But since I didn't have a deadline of going back to work looming, it wasn't particularly stressful. I think that lots of life changes in one go can be really stressful, so combining starting nursery and me going to work would have been stressful.

DD also was probably one of the happiest children I have ever seen going to nursery. I don't know if that was just part of her nature - people always commented on what a smiley baby she was. Nursery has really allowed her to blossom and she is a great girl now. I really do credit nursery for quite a lot of that.

Pico2 · 02/10/2014 22:01

Obviously what we did was expensive. I'd guess that few people could afford childcare while not working.

combust22 · 02/10/2014 22:03

Perhaps pico, but some parents choose not to work so they don't have to use childcare.

Pico2 · 02/10/2014 22:15

Yes - obviously combust22. That isn't really what the thread is about though.

pointythings · 02/10/2014 22:21

6 months with both DDs - that was all the mat leave I got back then without being broke, only 18 weeks with any pay. They both settled effortlessly and had a great time, though it has to be said we were very lucky with our nursery - small, family run, virtually no staff turnover and very affordable even though it was private.

We still run into one of their nursery staff in town sometimes, and my DDs still run over to give her a hug. And she's still there 6 years after DD2 left.

combust22 · 02/10/2014 22:25

Isn't it pico? I think it's quite relevant.

Georgina1975 · 02/10/2014 22:25

Our DC went FT 5 days a week from 5 months old.

Totally the right thing for me as I was crawling up the walls being a SAHP. She settled after 2 weeks and said a very sad goodbye to pre-school before starting school 4 weeks ago.

We selected based on recommendations and visits. The kids were happy when we visited and the staff were happy too and really engaged with the kids. Excellent staff retention too. DC had the same key worker in baby room, toddler room and in pre-school from 2 1/2.

Pico2 · 02/10/2014 22:32

Combust22 - all I said was that putting a child into nursery early to settle in isn't affordable for many people. Not that people who aren't working should put their children into nursery - that is a very individual decision, if you can afford to make a decision at all.

Georgina1975 · 02/10/2014 23:06

My mum worked FT from the mid-1970s and I am fine and we get on great. I have a friend whose mum was a SAHP and the opposite is true. And I am sure we can all cite cases of the reverse.

The benefit of hindsight is a wonderful and dangerous thing. So is simplistic linking of cause and effect (e.g. My DC is about to get a double 1st from Oxbridge because I sent them to pre-school straight from the womb/was with them 24/7 from vaginal exit to 16).

Point is? Do what you feel is right for you and your family now within the bounds of what is possible (e.g. in financial terms).

mimishimmi · 02/10/2014 23:23

Four for DD, three for DS.

MammaTJ · 02/10/2014 23:27

PFB, four months! She was in a nursery with a manager who I trusted 100%

DD2, not till last year, aged 8. DS, not till last year, age 7.

Until then I worked nights and went without sleep. Now I am being totally selfish and doing a nursing degree! I have abandoned them to the care of their Dad and child care.

Purplepoodle · 02/10/2014 23:27

1 yr for all of them. They love it, bit clingy during drop off but when I go to pick them up they don't want to leave. Iv used same daycare for 4 years for 3 children - suits them very well

Purplepoodle · 02/10/2014 23:31

How long has your pfb actually been in daycare? Beas it a slow intro? Did they let you do gradual introduction?

BackforGood · 02/10/2014 23:54

At Nurseries, there are legal ratios they have to abide by - for under 2s, there mustn't be more than 3 babies to 1 adult. If there are 4 babies in, then there must be 2 adults, so it comes down to a 2:1 ratio for that time, but those same 2 adults could look after up to 6 U2s with no extra adult needed until a 7th child is in the room.

Agree with others asking if you've thought about a CM while he is so little, if you aren't comfortable with the Nursery.

JeninOxford · 03/10/2014 00:02

I have two DD and they both went to a local nursery at 8 months as I had to go back to work.
We chose the nursery because we loved the two ladies who were in charge of the baby room on our visit. They we sitting on a sofa cuddling a couple of babies each and the room had the feeling of a relaxed sitting room with lots of toys and love.
It wasn't easy to leave either of them, but it wasn't too difficult either.

They were both very happy there.
8 months was good, as they were weaning and so didn't need to transfer onto bottles - went straight to sippy cups for milk and water during the day with me still bf before and after nursery. Also, we didn't have the attachment issues that I understand slightly older children can have.

DD1 met one of her best friend's there at 8 months. In the 2-3's room they used to sleep on adjacent mattresses for their afternoon sleep and slept holding hands for all their time there.
Eventually, they both went to the local primary school and are still in the same class now - they are Y5 and still very good friends.
DD2 is also in the same class as some of her nursery buddies, although sadly her best nursery pal was in the catchment for a different school.
Very happy with the nursery and when it closed we managed to employ one of the staff in a nanny share with DD1's best pal and younger sibling, who is also in the same school year as DD2.
It worked for us! We needed the money I was earning, and also on returning to work I realised it would keep me sane!

Sleepysheepsleeping · 03/10/2014 05:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeypie10 · 03/10/2014 06:16

Ds was 1 when he first went to nursery. 2 full days a week which he still does now. He settled in really quickly and the people were lovely. I chose it based on the fact it was closest to my house - that's it, I got lucky anyway cos its a lovely place and ds adores the staff and other children.

I did it for the break if im honest.I probably did have pnd if im honest but couldn't see it, I was exhausted, dp didnt help really, no family t help, so I was on my own 24/7 feeding, caring, night waking. All my family told me not to do it, yet not one of them offered to come and help me. I dont regret it one single bit and i'd do it again, it saved my sanity. When they see how much he has developed whilst being there they now tell me it was for the best.

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