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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude to comment on someone's choice of name like this?

241 replies

ThatWasMean · 01/10/2014 14:33

I don't know if it's just pregnancy hormones that are making me feel this way so I may well be being unresonable and probably quite silly but I thought I'd ask anyway.

I'm expecting a baby girl and me and DH have already picked the name out for her. It's not a common name and in fact has never been a popular name in the UK, however it was fairly popular in the US at one point. Even though it's unusual I wouldn't say it was unheard of and it's certainly not weird or out there by any stretch of the imagination.

However there have been a couple of occasions where we've told people what we're going to name her and they've just outright said "that's a horrible name!" Shock.

I get that it's their opinion and everybody has names they don't like. There are lots of names I don't like however I realise that other people do like them and I would never dream of telling someone that I think it's an awful name if that's what they were going to name their baby. I would just smile politely and nod.

I should add we haven't had all negative comments, there have been lots of lovely reactions too but I was just surprised that people felt the need to tell us they think it's horrible after we tell them that's what we're naming her.

Would you tell someone if you thought their chosen name was horrible?

OP posts:
widdle · 01/10/2014 14:44

YANBU - how nasty! I hope they are not close friends.

I would never be mean to anyone anyway but to be mean about something as personal as your choice of baby name is horrid!

Go on - what's the name?

cherrybombxo · 01/10/2014 14:46

I suppose YANBU if you didn't ask for an opinion but I'd hate to see a poor kid saddled with a howler of a name. I sometimes spend time on the Baby Names board just for a laugh! What's the name?

JustAPondering · 01/10/2014 14:46

YANBU but you have failed to adhere to a fundamental rule of pregnancy - never disclose the name of choice until baby is born! People are much less likely to be rude and critical if you've actually named the baby.

grocklebox · 01/10/2014 14:47

Nope. I'd think it though...and so will most people (and say it behind your back rather than to your face), so perhaps they are doing you a favour by letting you know?
Too many people think of themselves when naming a baby, what they like, but not how it will be for the actual child to love with that name forever. You only have to go on to the baby names forum here to see the monstrosities that people happily inflict on their offspring.....

NigelMolesworth · 01/10/2014 14:48

Fix anyone with your hardest MN stare and say 'How rude'. Alternatively, save yourself the bother, and don't tell anyone in the first place Wink

Chorister · 01/10/2014 14:49

My DD has a slightly unusual name.

I remember taking her (at just a few days old) up to visit my Gran (who was 90) who asked her name, I told her and she said "is it really what you are calling her". She really didn't like it at first, but she grew to love her name, because she loved her great granddaughter!

I would never pass remark on a babies name. Some folk are just plain rude!!

Rusticated · 01/10/2014 14:52

Of course they're being rude, but, for god's sake, stop telling people and giving them a chance to air their opinion that all children should be called either Jack or Olivia, and that! should you call them something else they are destined for a life of name-calling and derision!

skylark2 · 01/10/2014 14:52

"Would you tell someone if you thought their chosen name was horrible?"

Yes, since if they're telling me about a baby name before they've had the baby I'd assume they wanted to know whether people thought it was horrible or not.

I wouldn't tell them it was horrible if baby had already been born and named.

Same with anything, really. If someone says "I'm considering buying a house in X Street, what do you think?" I'm going to say "I wouldn't, it's a ratrun with 15 nightclubs that kick out at 4am every morning". If they're telling me all about their lovely new house in X Street, I'll smile and nod.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/10/2014 14:54

Exactly skylark, that's why it's best to keep your name ideas to yourself until you've had the baby.

Waltonswatcher · 01/10/2014 14:57

My mum let rip after my two dd were born .
I then renamed my mum ... Bitch.

Bulbasaur · 01/10/2014 14:58

I told people what my baby's name was before she was born. But it was more like, informing them how my baby was by referring to her name. It was clear that was her name, end of. There was no room for negotiation.

But I picked out a pretty fantastic name if I do say so myself. :)

PillForgettingIdiot · 01/10/2014 15:02

I feel the same as Skylark. Keep quiet until a baby is produced.

Go on... what's the name?

Rusticated · 01/10/2014 15:02

I think that's a slightly different example, Skylark. The house questioner explicitly asked 'what do you think?' and there were excellent objective reasons for the potential house buyer not to buy the house next to the fifteen night clubs.

Presumably the OP didn't actually say 'Do you think we should call this baby X?' Plus names are a matter of taste/ethnicity/social class etc. I may think a name is ghastly, or not understand why people keep giving their children names that are likely to be shared by large numbers of their peers, but that's only my opinion. The name I gave my son is so unusual in this country it didn't even make it into the stats for 2012, but is one of the top boys' names in another European country.

AMumInScotland · 01/10/2014 15:04

I'd probably not be so rude. But you'd probably guess from the strangled voice as I said "Oh, how... unusual" that I was having to put a lot of effort into not saying what I thought.

Spidergirl77 · 01/10/2014 15:07

We need the name.

If several people have said that, I'd reconsider the name. You might think it rude that they have commented but it probably means that everyone will think it.

Is it Oceana?

A friend of mine chose a name I didn't like, I just said it's unusual. She changed her mind after several people said its awful.

Spidergirl77 · 01/10/2014 15:09

Cross post, see unusual means awful Grin

squoosh · 01/10/2014 15:12

If someone asked me for honest feedback I'd give it tactfully.

'We're going to call our unborn daughter Gladys'
'Ugh that's horrible'

Quite rude.

'Our newborn daughter is called Gladys'
'Ugh, that's horrible'

Really, really rude.

So yes it's rude of them OP but people are more forthright with their opinions when the baby is still a bump. You shouldn't ever tell anyone your choice of names till the baby arrives.

Littledidsheknow · 01/10/2014 15:17

But Skylark, OP didn't say she was inviting comments on the name; she and her DH have already firmly chosen it, so it was rude of people to, er, be so rude.
Even if someone felt the need to - or was asked to - pass comment, surely a "To be honest, I'm not sure I care for it much" or "that's unusual" would be more appropriate than "that's horrible"

Those people were ignoramus level rude, OP, YANBU

Original poster
ThatWasMean · 01/10/2014 15:17

Spidergirl77 no it's not Oceana Grin.

Maybe it is an awful name but I honestly don't understand what would make it awful. It's not offensive, it doesn't have an offensive meaning, it doesn't have negative cconnotations, etc.

It's actually "only" been three people who have said it. And one of them is actually a bit of a twat and is horrible about everyone and everything anyways (he overheard the conversation rather than me telling him). So he would of probably had something nasty to say regardless.

I was just more surprised by how upfront they were.

OP posts:
scrivette · 01/10/2014 15:20

When I had DS my Dad and brother hated the name an asked if we were joking but now they love it.
I think it's rude to comment if you haven't been asked and wouldn't tell anyone else (apart from MN!) until the baby is born. If you love the name then go ahead and use it.

Original poster
ThatWasMean · 01/10/2014 15:20

Yes we have already decided on the name. When we got the negative feedback we weren't asking for opinions, we were simply telling them that's what her name will be.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 01/10/2014 15:24

I think if it's a bit of an "out-there" name, it's ok to express surprise but not say it's horrible.

I used to work with a lovely girl who was going to name her DD1 by numerology (cultural thing) - the 2 options she had weren't very good in English though! One could be nn'd Pratty, and the other rhymed with wanker. She went with the first one after we'd expressed our concerns - politely! Grin

catgirl1976 · 01/10/2014 15:37

Is it Mercedes?

For some reason that's what I thought of from your description

But YANBU. Very rude to comment

Mammanat222 · 01/10/2014 15:41

For the love of God don't post it on the baby name section here, you'll end up renaming her and probably yourself a future kids as well.

MN is quite scathing.

We are having a girl in January and after having no girls name with DS (we were team yellow) I am thrilled to have a name we both love.

I am happy to tell people but I make sure I tell them in advance "I love this name, we've really struggled to find it and agree on it so please no negative comments"

I had a name that everyone I told hated, suffice to say that isn't the name we're going with!

BreeVDKamp · 01/10/2014 15:47

I reckon it's Ashley!

Very rude of them by the way!