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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be peed off that he is late??

105 replies

tallulah2014 · 30/09/2014 20:36

Hi, not sure if I am justified in this or not.

Been seeing a guy for about a week and a half.

He has been late most times he's been due to come over... only between 10 and 30 mins late, but still.

Take tonight for example; this afternoon he suggested 7pm as his arrival time. I agreed, got all the housework etc sorted for 6.45 and at 7.20pm I get a text saying "be at yours at 8".

I replied okay, again, and he still isn't here. Shot him a text just now asking if he is lost but no reply yet.

Am I being unreasonable, given we are only 'seeing each other'?

OP posts:
DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 01/10/2014 01:23

So after 10 days of "seeing each other" he is over two hours late with no phone call and two uninformative and unapologetic texts, and then has the audacity to tell you to "chill".

He doesn't respect you and by being late is essentially saying that his time is more important and valuable than yours. His behaviour will not improve. Find your self respect and ditch him!

Original poster
tallulah2014 · 01/10/2014 08:07

Hi, no I didn't sleep.with him, I went to bed, on my own. For what it's worth, he said he was late because he got called into work just before 7 just after dropping his kids off at their mums...drove straight to work, got pulled in all directions because he is pretty much running the station on his own (he is a founder member of a local radio station) and he has rubbish signal as well as him not thinking I would him being late.

Ok so it was disrespectful, but I made it clear I won't tolerate that again. He says he will do his best to not be late or at least communicate things to me properly.

Still not sure. He IS the type of guy that's late to most things, he says. Bad timekeeper and all that.

OP posts:
combust22 · 01/10/2014 08:09

Ha ha- a radio station with a poor signal.

I would have thought a radio sation would prioritise its own telecoms systems.

Don't fall for it.

Frogisatwat · 01/10/2014 08:25

Lateness is a particular bug bear of mine. Says to me that their time is more important than my own.

ilovelamp82 · 01/10/2014 08:27

If he tells you that he's the kind of person that is late to everything and he doesn't have signal at his work place then I would imagine that you would be dealing with thos constantly if you were to have a relationship.

I don't think I could deal with that, feeling so low on my boyfriends list of priorities. It's rude.

pictish · 01/10/2014 08:37

I had an ex friend who was the type of person to be late to everything. I think she had some sort of notion that her tardiness was ditzy and adorable.
You'll notice I said ex friend.

No one's time is more important to me than my own.

captainmummy · 01/10/2014 08:40

Oh God my dp was/is the worst timekeeper! He'd turn up late and go 'but it's only 10/20/30 minutes late! What's the problem?'
My problem was that having got ready for the stipulated time, with 3 dc to organise and feed, and got showered and dressed and made-up - the least he can do is turn up on time, he only has himself to organise! If i can get 4 of us to anywhere on time, then he could too, if he wanted to.

He has got better over the years. He has a friend who is always late and he has started to notice and get annoyed about it. I just look at him. Hmm

combust22 · 01/10/2014 08:42

"he is a founder member of a local radio station"

I wonder what his business contacts think of his constant lateness? His lawyer? Accountant? Bank? When he rolls up for client meetings or meet advertisers?

If he is a presenter can he please himself when he starts broadcasting? Are there no set times for programming?

Are his work and business contacts too impressed with his rock n' roll cool attitude to punctuality that they are happy to wait two hours while he decides to roll in?

You sound overly impressed with this half grown man.

pictish · 01/10/2014 09:14

Ah yes - chronically late people conversely dislike being kept waiting themselves. It's not like they're all cool with that, because they can relate. Oh no - dish it out but cannae take it.

SmatteringOfPatois · 01/10/2014 09:18

ten days in and he is in your home with your children?!?!?

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 01/10/2014 09:23

oh god 'chill'?

cringe

Fabulassie · 01/10/2014 09:29

Obviously his being late is annoying and, while some people are just like that, if it bugs you it bugs you.

But I think there are other issues. You've been seeing this guy for less than two weeks and you've seen him five or six times. You're having him in your home where your children are. Frankly, I think a woman should be so fabulous and have such a wonderful and fulfilling life that she doesn't have that much time for someone she barely knows, much less the time to sit around waiting for him to show up.

If a man is really interested, he will move heaven and earth to be with you. And no man ever lost interest because he couldn't see a woman every other day.

Be busy, be fabulous, and let that filter out the ones who don't deserve you.

SmatteringOfPatois · 01/10/2014 09:33

good post fab

pictish · 01/10/2014 09:38

Great post fab!

Yes indeedy!

Bigoldsupermoon · 01/10/2014 09:39

Oh come on, OP - he's been repeatedly late, he's failed to let you know where he is and when he's expected, he's kept you hanging and he's told you to "chill" about it. He's rude, disrespectful and self-centred, and all after two weeks! And then to top it off, you let him in and let him off!

Ok so it was disrespectful, but I made it clear I won't tolerate that again.

You've made it clear that that's exactly what you'll tolerate.

Littlegreyauditor · 01/10/2014 09:49

He's treating you as something to do for when he gets bored

This. I had an ex like this. Entire evenings waiting for him to show up and grant me an audience. Turns out it was because he was with his other girlfriend. When he was late for her it was because he was bothering me.

He was absolutely scandalised when I pulled out of his wee routine.

If you care about someone you make time for them, and you respect them enough to be where you say you will be when you said you would be there. Anything short of a meteor strike is not a good enough excuse.

CinnabarRed · 01/10/2014 09:53

Is this the man which whom you've discussed, at some length, not having sex?

pictish · 01/10/2014 09:58

Even if he knows you're not going anywhere because the kids are at home with you, still be fabulous. Don't let him exploit that and make you an 'as and when required' arrangement.

In the case of what happened in your OP, I'd have packed him in by the second text, having been displeased by the tone of the first.

pictish · 01/10/2014 10:03

packed him in for the night, that is...

I wouldn't dump someone on the strength of this alone, but in the interests of good communication and being honest, he'd be under no illusions as to where I stood on "be at yours at 8" and "chill".
Hmm

If he went on to treat me like a chip butty at an all night cafe, I'd shut up shop and point him in the direction of Tinder.

pictish · 01/10/2014 10:04

at an all night cafe again

Original poster
tallulah2014 · 01/10/2014 10:12

Trust me. He was 'let it'd this time but he knows that if it happens again, he will be gone. Well actually he probably doesn't believe me but he will see.

OP posts:
Original poster
tallulah2014 · 01/10/2014 10:12

Let off. Not it'd :/

OP posts:
Bigoldsupermoon · 01/10/2014 10:21

I hope for your sake that's true, OP - you deserve to be treated far better than this.

Sallyingforth · 01/10/2014 10:42

You shouldn't need to tell him not to be late again.
The fact that he thinks it's OK to do this shows that he has no respect for you. You have seen what his basic character is, and he won't/can't change that just because you ask him to.

Itsfab · 01/10/2014 12:53

I think we all know he will be on time next time but within a week he will be late again and you will issue the fake ultimatum again.

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