To be tired of teachers exaggerating

[onarailwaytrain]

Dd and DS (twins) in year 11 at the moment and all we have heard is how they have to get their GCSEs, their lives will be ruined if they don't, they will never get to college and never get a good job. Etc.

Dd in particular is unlikely to get many cs or above. AIBU in thinking the teachers should back off a bit?

So you would rather let your children be unhappy than actually address the issue. I'm starting to think that the biggest issue here is your refusal to actually do anything.

This

Surely you can express concerns about your children's emotional well being without coming over as critical? As Evil says the school can't address this if they aren't told how your children are feeling.

I dont get some of the responses on here! The children of obviously lovely non academic people who are sensible enough to have thought about what they want to do with their lives. But the teachers are still being rude and telling them they will end up on the dole or working for kfc. Its apparently the ops fault for not pushing them, their fault for being lazy and the ops fault for not telling the teachers not to be rude.

You know what, my job pays my mortgage and yet I dont go round blaming unrelated people if things go wrong. The op shouldnt have to tell them not to be rude, they shouldnt be rude in the first plade and by the sounds of things if she does complain she'll probably get told the rudness is justified because if her children dont pull their fingers out then the teachers cant pay their mortgages.

For whats its worth my DH and I are both graduates, I earn well under 26000 although thats partly down to health problems, he earns a few 1000 over 26000 we have goth lived away from home since our early 20's and own a three bedroom house. It can be done (depending on which part of the country you live in admittedly, we dont live in london but neither do we live in the north)

OP your children sound lovely, yes at some point in their lives they may end up in the dole queue through no fault of their own, but so can anyone and the teachers are wrong to imply that this is their only option. So what if they "only" get a job at kfc, round here there are graduates counting themselves lucky to get those jobs because of the job market around here.

Your daughter sounds like she will be a lovely carer and your son a great car mechanic because they want to do these things and they sound lovely. Yes they may never own a huge house, employ a nanny or go on expensive exotic holidays. But they sound grounded and will probably live out happy normal lives doing everyday jobs like most of us. At the end of the day once you are in employment your gcses results fade away and your life skills and experiences become more important, people looking at cvs start with looking at previous jobs before they look at exam results, or at least I do and ive done loads of recruitment. Just keep reminding them that they are more important than an exam grade and that sometimes teachers are wrong and that this isnt their fault

But the teachers are still being rude

Do we actually know this though?

Has the teacher actually said, 'you need to do xyz to help you get to college and increase your prospects?'

The op has given specific examples of things her kids have said their teachers have said. She knows her kids and obviously believes them. I'm not sure why a child would think she was going to end up in the dole queue if she didnt pass her exams unless someone said that to her particularly as she already has a job.

yes the op could be lying, or the kids could. No "we dont actually know this" but I've never understood why people ask this on a thread. Yes unless I actually go to school with the children I dont know what the teachers have said. However I have read all of the ops posts and based my posts on that, implying we dont know if shes telling the truth or if the children are telling the truth given the level of detail shes gone into is just rude

by the sounds of things if she does complain she'll probably get told the rudness is justified because if her children dont pull their fingers out then the teachers cant pay their mortgages

That's ridiculous.

Has the teacher actually said, 'you need to do xyz to help you get to college and increase your prospects?'

Also the children are sen, if this is actually being said to children who physically cant do xyz then actually its the exact thing the op is saying. I cant see without my glasses on, it woukd make my life better if I could but I cant do anything myself to change it so keep telling me that my life would be better if only I would work harder at seeing without them is pointless. And if someone was telling me this every say I'd be pretty annoyed with them too

Ilovesooty

might be ridiculous but its pretty much what the op has been told on this thread

If you think those comments would be made in response to a parent who approached school with a specific concern you are seriously deluded.

If you think those comments would be made in response to a parent who approached school with a specific concern you are seriously deluded.

Given that thats been the response of some of the teachers on the thread I'm not sure I am that deluded actually. Sure its not going to be as blunt as that but the implication may still be there. You can be as you like to me, it doesnt change the comments on here

Eustacia - I don't think people are intentionally implying the children or the OP are lying - simply that there may have been some misunderstanding.

FWIW I think the teachers sound a little harsh. But maybe they don't realise that is how it's coming across. Or maybe they do but they just don't realise the effect it is having on some of the children. Either way the sensible option would be to speak to the school. It doesn't mean having to go in all guns blazing or making a complaint. It just needs someone to pop into the school and explain that the children have been upset about what's been said to them and that the OP is concerned that their confidence is taking a knock. It really is that simple. I cannot fathom why the OP wouldn't do that for her children.

Some people have simply tried to explain why teachers may be tense and anxious and that children are often being set impossible targets as a result of government policy.

If you want to interpret from that the likelihood that parents will be told that teachers' mortgages are at risk if they raise concerns about their children's' academic targets, or if you even seriously think that schools would be sufficiently unprofessional to allude to staff's performance related pay, yes, you are deluded.

And every time I see parents express views like this about teachers' professionalism I am thankful that I no longer teach.

I agree Ilovesooty.

It is such a shame parents don't know what is happening in schools.
I made the comment re mortgages. Parents are unaware that teachers' pay is linked to results. Not their fault, they don't need to know. But the fact remains: pay is linked to results. If the students don't get their (frequently ridiculous) target grades the teachers who teach them will not receive their cost of living pay rise. This is Govt policy. Schools have no choice about implementing it as OFSTED check it is happening and it forms part of the final judgement. Teachers know it is a stupid policy, and heartily dislike it (and take strike action over it) but that is what we are given to work with. The other aspect is that staff whose students don't meet their target grades can be pushed through competency procedures and sacked. Heads put pressure on staff because of OFSTED, staff put pressure on kids because of fear of job and/or salary loss. This is how the Govt want schools to be run. It is happening in your kids' schools now. I'm guessing you agree with us teachers this is not OK. Please write to your MP about this.

OP I've read some of the posts on here and some people must live in a different world from me!
Where I am there always jobs advertised and they don't always require gcses. My mum (late 50s) started looking for a job about a year ago. She'd been a housewife for around 30 years. Has no qualifications, very little confidence, can't drive and was fairly particular about hours she would work- no lates/nights etc. she has had no trouble fining carer work. Some of the places are awful, low pay , treat staff like crap, but there is work out there. She found another job as a cleaner at local office now she's on the reception desk. Ok I'm not saying she's going to be a millionaire, but for someone who on paper wouldn't get a job in KFC and doesn't even want a career she's doing ok!
Good luck to your kids!

Spot on, Chile.

If the teacher assumed the students wouldn't be able to get the grades because of their dyslexia they would also be criticised. Possibly realism is working and motivating for the rest of the group. Should they miss out?

You should definitely talk to the teacher and their SENCO. They need strategies to build up emotional resilience which will be essential in a competitive job market.

But that won't prevent the same pressure being levied until they are 18.

They MUST stay in education or a training programme (though what will happen if they do not has not been tested yet). Whatever course they do MUST include English and/or maths. It will continue to be pushed, no escape, until they leave or achieve a grade C at GCSE - no alternative will be accepted any more.

So... before they can look forward to working they have at least another 2 years of being told to get a GCSE at grade C.... Colleges have no choice - and very little cash to put in place those extra teachers.

I am currently trying to recruit 5 more as we have an unprecedented number of students with D grades. Made worse by the government interfering and increasing the pass grade requirements part way through the specification. That means kids spent most of their time being taught X, only to be told at the last minute they must achieve X+Z. Obviously those who were borderline C grades then failed. And now I have them! Disgruntled, rude and so very, very lacking in self belief.

If OP thinks her kids can't achieve a C grade then I feel very sorry for her and them. The alternatives are being stripped away, so her kids won't be able to access an alternative curriculum and have the government be happy with their achievement. Instead we, those of us who teach them post 16, will be forced to teach them a totally unsuitable, unwarranted certification, ruining their joy in their ability to achieve in their main course and, basically, making them resent us and our colleagues when they should be revelling in their new found skills.

I can't apologise for it, I don't want to do it. I won't apologise if your kid comes home distraught at being forced to attend more maths, I have no choice. I will try to make it as 'doable' as possible. But as your kid's results have a direct impact on the funding my employer receives I am under a lot of pressure to ensure each and every kid achieves - or we all lose our jobs.

So again - don't rail about it being unfair. Don't moan that your kid is being dealt with horribly - do something! Understand what the changes mean. Don't sit back and ask 'ooh what is really happening?' read the links upthread, believe people like myself who are teaching this, then take more action that bemoaning the unfairness of it. CONTACT YOUR MP!

Given the OP has said that her DCs are so upset but won't go into school as teachers can become a little defensive if you criticise them, I can't see her contacting her MP!

If you want things to change, you have to do something. Do nothing and nothing changes. Teachers are trying to do something. I'm just off out in the pelting rain to help with the NUT publicity campaign about just this very thing. It would be so helpful if parents would get involved as well. I'm a parent too and it affects my kids too.

Check out the front page of today's I, "Children too stressed for school, testing blamed for anxiety and robbing primary school pupils of their childhoods, in letter to I hundreds of teachers, academics and authors warn of pressure on youngsters"

I completely appreciate that none of us were in the school to actually know what was said; I also realise that teenage children can sometimes exaggerate and over-dramatise

However I'd be more concerned about both children apparently being "suicidal" over a comment made, not specifically to them but the whole class. Sorry, but it honestly sounds to me that there are more issues going on here than what a teacher said

Perhaps if school holidays weren't so damned long, our kids wouldn't be constantly trying to re-learn whatever they were studying six long weeks ago

Genius idea windchime. Kids too stressed because of pressure at school and your solution is to cut the holidays? Yep - that'll fix it