To think these comments are not acceptable and age is no excuse?

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Mentioned to pil that ds (5) has started a drama and dance class. He adores it. Sharp intake of breath from mil.
Me: what's wrong
Mil: sue sent her son to dance class when he was small and now he's...
Me: what?
Mil: Gay! She even took him to the dr's when he was 10 but he's still gay but I always thought it was her fault for taking him to dance in the first place.
Me: I don't think going to dance as a child affects someone's sexuality.
Mil: well it can't help can it? You should do football or rugby with him or something.
Me: well why would it matter if he was gay?
Mil (looking outraged): he won't be gay! No grandchild of ours will be gay.

Mil is 70 and FIL is 72. Is this just 'of their time'? They are very racist too actually. I don't think age should be used as an excuse tbh, I guess if someone is in their 90s then it might be harder to change their viewpoint but pil are generally reasonably young in their ways.

Yuck. Awful of them. And you're right, age is no excuse.

I'd be tempted to give them a bottle of "gayz be gone" spray (made up bottled water spray) to show how ridiculous they are.

I'd make it clear that in no uncertain terms that they will love your child unconditionally. The includes if he's gay, has a SN, or even turns out to just be a free thinker. If they can't do that, they need to let you know now so you can minimize contact with them to protect DS.

Age isn't an excuse no.

Presumably she has been stupid her whole life?

Ignorant I would say.

don't even get me started on this.

I do think age is an excuse if they are older than your ils.
My dh grandma was a bit like this and she was lovely, just of an era when it was acceptable but she would have been 90 odd by now.

She once asked where lesbian was as they had been talking about lesbians on the news
She asked dh if he had any of those you know blacks as friends.
She also couldn't understand that the person she was referring to was as British as she was.

It's pretty insulting to older people to not hold them to the same standards as anyone else. My parents are that age, lead very sheltered lives, and have had very little education, but they would never hold such bigoted views.

Next time you visit dress ds in pink. Stand back and enjoy the fireworks

sorry, should have read lesbian, that maybe makes more sense

bloody auto correct won't let me knock the bloody n off.

But they are right and you are wrong because they are big and you are small (favourite bit of Matilda! )

It does seem that "ism" is prevelant in the older generation. I suppose they've spent a long time in a world that was very different to how it is now. A lot has changed, very quickly and some people don't have any interest in changing with it. They don't understand some things and they don't want to understand them. No it's no excuse but I've never found I've got very far by challenging it. Usually the best I've got is to agree they'll try not to indulge in "isms" around the dc!

You shouldn't have engaged. You should have removed yourself and your children from their presence immediately and told them why you were leaving and not coming back. You should not give such ignorance oxygen or reaction.

I get This too, from my DB who at 30 shouldn't be such an ignorant git. My 5yr old DS has a hip hop dance class every week, (and a footie class too!) yet my DB Thinks he's a 'gayboy'.

The sad thing is he came to collect my DS with his own DS (my DN) who is the same age, and he said he wanted to come the following week. Which my DB flatly refused. Clown.

My MIL was as bad. And of anyone whom she thought was less than manly, or that didn't fancy her (she is gobsmackingly vain) she would say "I think he's one of those, you know, hoMOsexuals"
She was worried about our DS because he had a lisp, like "one of those middle aged homosexuals" and if we didn't sort it out with speech therapy he might grow up to be one. He was 4. He grew up straight and without lisp - not that it would have mattered if he hadn't!
I know it doesn't excuse it, but many older people will have been taught that homosexuality was wrong and taboo in their youth, and remember it as illegal. I guess these ideas and beliefs may just stay entrenched, despite the changing times.

Difficult to know where to draw the line. My late MIL was not a racist in the sense of hating black people, but she stayed in her comfort zone which was people of her own background, and she used the word coloured which in her youth was the polite and decent alternative to the n-word. She pissed me off in many ways but this was not one of them.

Mine is racist.
She started a petition when an Asian family moved in over the road.

It certainly isn't an excuse. Uncomfortable though it may be though, it can be a reason to some extent. Of course that's not to say that all people of a certain age are homophobic, but for people who have experienced significant changes in social attitudes towards minorities later in life, the modification of attitudes will inevitably be somewhat harder.

She started a petition when an Asian family moved in over the road.

My DM (69) used coloured when telling me about a man she and DF met.
I stopped her and said that using that word wasn't acceptable anymore? and she said 'African then'. I said she should use 'black'.
DF, quite rightly, pointed out that they met a man, his inference being that it didn't have any relevance what colour the man's skin was.
I'll keep picking her up, am sure this'll happen again, even though she was uncomfortable possibly even a bit upset

Indeed.
They were renting.
She wanted to present it to the landlord.

I work in a very 'white' school (one Asian child in the entire school.) some of the children use the term "coloured." It's lack of confidence: they don't know people who are black or Asian and don't know what the accepted terms are. They are actually trying to be polite.

IME with gay people many people are homophobic in the abstract. It's easy to be sniffy about 'gay people' but then when people do "come out" as it were and it stops being a vague thing people in the city are and people realise gay means George or Lucy or Greg. They then realise it's not so scary.

Homophobia - real homophobia - is far more subtle than your MIL!

Yeah, age is no excuse.
I send my dd to toddler ballet, but when I invited some friends to come with their ds' they said no, and mostly it was because they knew their husbands 'wouldn't like it'. These are all people in their 30's!